What can we do better next time?

[capecath]

Our 2.5-year-old terrible two behaviour seems to be accelerating at the moment. Looking for some ideas on how we could have handled tonight's situation better. Our very spirited, social and strong-willed DS1 has been becoming increasingly demanding and not doing what he is told. Tonight when he couldn't get his way (even when we'd offered a reasonable alternative) he melted down into real sobs and we just couldn't calm him down. DH tried firmly telling him to "calm down" and "stop crying" in various ways while keeping him the kitchen. DS1 was meanwhile wanting to come to me (think I'm softer on him), but I also didn't want to undermine DH. We eventually got him to calm down after sitting on my lap (not ideal?) and told him he needed to listen to mommy and daddy. Said sorry's and had hugs, but it seems I am still the favoured one - don't want this to the be the case.

How best do you think to get him to calm down in these situations and then how to deal with him afterwards? We are thinking time out, but for how long - until they calm down? And then what? We are feeling so clueless....

Our 2 year old is the same. She'll kick off on a massive tantrum after misbehaving and then want a cuddle from me. We just put her away from us(safe place) for example on the bottom said in the hall if we are in the kitchen and wait 2 mins. Well then go out and ask if she is ready to say sorry and come back. I'll explain why we put her there etc. if she is still angry and says no we say ok then and leave her for another minute. Seems to work but different story when out and about!

Stair in the hall

OP, these tantrums are so annoying, aren't they ? I tried lots of things, they worked sometimes, other times they don't. Get him to draw his anger, tell him you understand his frustration, why he feels sad/mad/unhappy... As you did, Offer alternative. Or ignore until he calms down. Time out in his room. I know, no miracle here, but eventually he will stop.

Firstly telling a toddler to calm down just won't work, in my experience any attention just feeds and prolongs the tantrum so I think you maybe could have both just walked away and left him to it. I used to do that with my DS.

As for being clueless, if you want a good, evidence based book try Your Child Your Way or Little Angels, both by Dr Tanya Byron or Toddler Taming and there is some good information on ask dr sears

When my 2yo old tantrums I find the best thing to do is completely ignore it. Eventually he runs out of steam and comes over for a cuddle. We just refuse to give in to his demands and pretend to be doing other things, trying to reason with him/ hug him/ distract him just gets him more frustrated.