Encouraging siblings to play together

[jimmychoos]

I wonder if anyone has any tips for helping my ds and dd play together? Ds is nearly 4 and dd is 15 months. They generally get on very well together. They have started to play together but their games tend to be very physical....for example ds chasing dd round. Sometimes he decides he wants to make it more interesting and grabs hold of her legs to pull her over. He often tries to wrestle with her, gets on top of her, or 'menaces'her ie stands in front of her blocking the way so she can't get out of whatever corner he has blocked her into. The problem is he does all of the above if I am not playing 'with' them ie sitting on the floor taking an active part in their game. I can see he's just trying to get my attention - "you're not playing with me, so I'm going to get any attention, even if it's being told off for being rough". But I am trying to encourage them (especially my son) to play on their own sometimes, rather than always needing me to get involved. My dd can quite happily potter for half an hour on her own whilst I'm doing something else, but my ds invariably starts a chasing game with her and things then deteriorate. Any advice? Or am I expecting too much of them?

no-one able to help?

Mmm - I'm try to tackle this one too...
DS1 is just turned 4 and DS2 is 17 months.
I find DS1 needs to be shown/ explained a particular activity he can do, and then later he might repeat it.
Also I find a running commentary of suggestions (even if you aren't able to stop and do the showing/playing) sometimes helps..
so, e.g. "X, why don't you get the Brio out and build a track for you & Y with lots of bridges.
WHy don't you tell Y the Thomas the Tank engine story about the .... and act it out?"
X - can you sing some action songs for Y?
Why don't you put some music on and get the musical instruments out - give Y the drum - he likes that..."

' Fraid to say we're not talking hours worth of entertainment here though - DS1 quickly loses interest, adn we too, have the chasing around the house until DS2 ends up in tears..

Any other suggestions gratefully received..

Thanks Mo2 - nice to hear I'm not alone anyway! Your two are almost identical in age to mine. I had a really good day with them yesterday actually - when ds started being a bit over-excited and rough I got them both doing something physical - dancing, marching round or down to the park for half an hour. After he'd let off steam he settled down to playing happily on his own/ alongside dd - for half an hour which is a minor miracle! I think it feels worse at the moment because the weather is so bad which limits what we do and he's had lots of attention over Christmas (dp and I on hols, relatives and friends over etc).

I have empathy for your situation but in our house it's ds (20 months) who turns the games into a physical free for all and dd (4 1/2) ends up in tears!

Dd has always tried to play with ds, and ds just loves her to pieces (literally sometimes) but I have to admit to occasionally just letting them get on with it and pretending not to hear the havoc that is ds

I think that half an hour is a good starting point, you'll find that this will increas with time (practice on the childrens parts) although you can bet your bottom doller that the words "MUM HIS HITTING ME" or "MUM TELL HIM" will be ringing in your ears for years to come.

Thinking about it the only real times that ds and dd play nicely together is when they're both being queens in fancy dress, or when they've got the prams and dolls out then they play together for ages.

I have two boys and it is only in the last 6 months that they have started to really "play" together. The youngest is 2.5 and the oldest is almost 3 years older at 5.5.
Up until 6 months ago most of their play was this chasing and running around. They now play what I would call "role play" together where they pretend they are a daddy and his baby or they are in school etc etc. They will also put out a train track together, or play with cars/garage etc.

Sometimes this can last a whole 10 minutes before they fall out and are back to the running and chasing . Actually I'm being unfair, on a good day they can play nicely for an hour or more at a time.

So basically hang on in there. I think things will change when your little one is a bit older.

Beyblades are good for getting playtime interaction going between my 4 year old and my 9 year old. Shared videos too. Once the youngest could walk and talk, shared play blossomed. Playfights are still the game of choice, but I'm lucky with my two - they wrestle lots, but tend not to fall out with each other.

Same age gap with mine, also older boy and girl, athough they are six months older than yours. It is getting better but they'd still prefer to have me individually. Watching videos and eating is the main thing that they do together.

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