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Any tips on helping 2.5 year old ds bond/accept newborn ds?

9 replies

PipIsOutNow · 04/01/2013 10:02

I'm due to go in next Friday for a section and have been worrying ever since I found out I was pregnant abouts little boys reaction. I'm sure it's just me being silly but I know a few of my friends have struggled with jealousy issues and the toddler getting upset. Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions to help make the adjustment easier for him? In a week his whole world will be turned upset down and I'm already feeling a little guilty

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
carocaro · 04/01/2013 18:46

The new baby should have a present read and wrapped to give you toddler in hospital.

His whole world will not be tipped upside down, honestly it won't. Get him to help, pass a nappy, muslin, that sort of thing, then he will feel involved and helpful and a big boy.

There is bound to be be a bit of grumpyness and jelousy here and there, but don't make too much of it, totally natural. Just cuddle and reassure him that you are there for him as always. It will be hard, but try and have some time with just the two of you, even just watching TV on the sofa together for one Peppa Pig (you can shut your eyes!).

Tis so cute when you have two, they are so cute together and piss each other off. My eldest DS once pushed his baby brother in his baby boucer into the kitchen and shut the door as he was too noisy just shouting and making baby noises. I'd gone for a quick shower, no harm done to either child.

It's daft to feel guilty, although I do remember feeling a bit sad that it was going to be no longer just me and him (and DH too) but then this whole seam of love you never knew you had opens up and you love them both so very much. Plus, if I do say so myself, they adore each other, two boiys aged 5 & 10 currently snuggled together under a blacket with popcorn watching Ice Age 4.

Wishing you are well.

lorisparkle · 04/01/2013 19:16

I always called the baby 'his' baby brother. I also made comments like 'you are so good at making ds2 stop crying'. I also made sure we had special time together when ds2 was asleep. I found the mischief ds1 got into when i was busy with ds2 was the worst problem Hmm

lorisparkle · 04/01/2013 19:18

oh yeah when ds3 was a tiny baby he made a funny noise which sounded like ds1's name. to this day ds1 proudly says 'ds3 said my name first'.Grin

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GangstaGranny · 04/01/2013 19:34

DD (2) refused to come in our bedroom when DS was first born, would barely tolerate being in the same room as him. Managed okay for first week as DH was home. After that DS was fed, changed and put in the next room in moses basket so DD could be played with. As she started to show interest she was gently encouraged and praised but never forced. It then took just a few days for her to fully accept him. They are now 9 and and get along really well most of the time

PipIsOutNow · 04/01/2013 19:52

Thank you so much for the lovely replies. I know it's silly to feel guilty and I know I'm
Probably worrying about nothing but it's nice to hear others experiences/advice. He'll probably adapt better than me! Any suggestions on what present his baby brother could buy him?

OP posts:
lorisparkle · 04/01/2013 20:20

ds1 had a train track - great to find a toy they will play with independently with whilst you feed dc2.

lorisparkle · 04/01/2013 20:30

another tip us to show your understanding of their feelings. e.g gosh ds2 is crying a lot i'm afraid that's just what babies do' 'another dirty nappy it seems that is all we do all day' I find it makes dc1 part of the team in coping with a new born. I am not keen on Gina Ford but her toddler book talks about routines with a toddler and baby. I never followed rigidly but gave me a plan!

Giantess · 04/01/2013 21:56

I think my 2.5 yr old ds1 coped ok with the arrival (now 3 month ds2), but he was cutting the first of his last 4 back teeth and ground his teeth / set them together. Anyway, it drove me crazy! So I would just be alert for your own reactions to things, as well as all the good intentions for how your ds reacts.
Tiredness made me very irritable (with dh too) and I think my toddler was shocked by how I had suddenly changed, he said 'be happy' as I wasn't smiling!
Depends on your circumstances but paternity leave was 2 weeks of fun with daddy followed by visits from grannies and frankly the baby was a small sleeping sideshow. Then we started going out and about and he introduces his brother by name at every opportunity and asks to hold him for cuddles. He now seems delighted to have a sibling in the bath etc, and its a bit like getting a pet - it's fun to have a new member of the family to chat about.
Ds1 responded to the 'big boy' stuff (vs ds2 who is a 'little baby') and moved from cot to bed & nappies to underpants in the months after the birth. Still in high chair & rides in double buggy but uses scooter a lot.
Good luck, you'll be fine! Keep reading Ben's Baby, Topsy & Tim New Baby, House in my Mummy etc for the next week.

notcitrus · 04/01/2013 21:57

Ds was a bit older but I found lots of "You're enjoying your icecream, aren't you? DD can't have an icecream yet, she's too small" type stuff helped no end, along with any gurning on the baby's part interpreted as "look, she's smilling at you! I think she likes you. You're her big brother!", and often 'telling her off' and telling her to be quiet while I'm reading him a bedtime story - lots of balancing her on knees while reading, and a couple times leaving her in the cot while I read a very quick story.

He seemed fascinated by nappies and still loves watching nappy changes, probably because he can vaguely remember potty training.

'Conker and Nudge' is a great book about a little brother who is mostly lovely but often very annoying. A present 'from' the baby also helped.

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