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Parenting

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Original poster

is it wrong that 5 year old still comes into mums bed at night?

20 replies

beth6 · 18/04/2006 09:32

What do other mums do? My son, 5 yrs old, still comes into my bed late at night if he wakes up. He goes to sleep on his own in his own bed though. When I try to put him back into his own bed he kicks up a fuss and even if he does then he'll wake up and come back in. Is this normal? My 7 month old goes to sleep in her cot, when she wakes I bring her in to my bed as I am breastfeeding, sometimes she'll go back to the cot...depending on how tired I am. I dont mind, but dh does. Do your 5 year olds do this?! Just out of interest.

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suzywong · 18/04/2006 09:37

not wrong at all, perfectly normal

The only downside is your sleep being disturbed. If your DH is kicking up about it you may like to suggest it is he who carries ds back to his own bad once he is settled and calm and then lies with him, on the floor maybe, til he is asleep and then returns to bed.

Some other Mumsnetters who are a bit more hard-core may offer sterner advice but that's what I would do.

foxinsocks · 18/04/2006 09:38

my 5 yr old doesn't (nor my 4 yr old ds) unless they are really unwell and I need to keep an eye on them

it would disrupt our sleep too much

I think if it bothers one of you, then you need to try and decide whether you are going to tackle putting him back in his own bed because you'll need quite a bit of willpower and you'll need to be sure you want to do it (for both of you) before you start

Freckle · 18/04/2006 09:50

DS3 has only in the last 6-9 months managed to stay in his own bed all night - he's now 7.5yo. At 5yo there is no way I would have prevented him from coming into our bed, even though it meant I got little to no sleep once he'd clambered in. Once they stop, that's it, unless they are ill or something and there is something absolutely scrummy about a warm, little body snuggled up next to you.

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scoobytwo · 18/04/2006 09:51

nothing wrong my dd4 does&my ds did till he was 7-8

Original poster

beth6 · 18/04/2006 09:56

thanks i'm glad Im not the only one! Did it ever put a strain on your relationship with dh? did/do your dh,s mind?

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Freckle · 18/04/2006 09:58

DH sleeps like a log and was usually oblivious to any little bodies wriggling their way into our bed. In fact, he used to get upset when he woke up and they'd already gone as he missed out on the cuddles. It was me, in the end, who decided that perhaps it ought to stop if I ever wanted a decent night's sleep again.

Original poster

beth6 · 18/04/2006 10:15

thanks Freckle ...your dh sounds like a sweetie! and you are right, they are only young for a short time and they are wonderfully cuddly. also, I dont think it does them any harm knowing they can have a hug when ever they like..can only be a good thing in terms of them feeling secure, I think?
wish dh would see it that way!

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bourneville · 18/04/2006 19:36

Ahh!

Sorry to put another spin on things but i'm one person who just could not cope with that if dd ever attempted to! I am someone who really really needs her own space i'm afraid! In babyhood dd slept mostly in my bed with me (i was bf) But since 6 mo dd has always had a very clear bedtime and i don't tolerate any bedtime shenanigans at all. (Would be different if she was ill or genuinely upset/scared etc). However there was one time when she was ill I actually encouraged her when she awoke miserable & threw up 1st thing, very early one morning, to come into my bed, thinking she might like that, but 30 seconds later she wanted to go back to her own bed! I was half disappointed, half relieved!

When i was little me and dsis used to go into my mum's bed all the time, dad would be kicked out into one of ours. i was saying recently to my mum that i just couldn't understand how they could stand it! btw i am not in any way saying you are doing the wrong thing, i'm just saying i couldn't do it myself! :)

Bozza · 18/04/2006 20:13

My DH wouldn't be happy and wouldn't stick around. Would be off into DS's bed with an extra blanket. But DS never comes into our bed before 7am. He's a great sleeper who also really needs his sleep. On the infrequent occasions that DD (23 months) comes into our bed because she is ill or teething, DH generally ends up sleeping on the settee - no spare bed and DD still in a cot.

DumbledoresGirl · 18/04/2006 20:16

I wouldn't say it was wrong as such, but there is no way I would stand for it. My youngest is now 3 and if he wakes up and comes into our bed, he is cuddled and then definitely put back in his own bed.

hulababy · 18/04/2006 20:18

My 4yo DD sometimes (getting less frequently all the time) comes into our bed in the early hours if she wakes. I sometimes take her back no problems, other times can't be bothered and she stays there. But she doesn't disturb mine or Dh's sleep. We co-slept happily when she was little and alwasy slept well, still do.

hulababy · 18/04/2006 20:20

BTW don't think there is anything wrong, naughty or whatever about it. However if you or your Dh want it to stop, that is up to you to sort out. If you are both happy, then fine. As tit seems to be your DH complaining, then he should be the one to stir and take him back IMO.

FrannyandZooey · 18/04/2006 20:21

It's fine as long as you don't mind. Historically and worldwide it is actually much more 'normal' to share a family bed than to all have separate beds.

If you get fed up with it or find it disturbs you too much, I would put a small mattress on the floor of your room and say he can creep into it without waking you if he wants to come in in the night.

My ds is 3 and we have always shared a bed - it won't last forever and I bet we'll miss it when they are 15 :)

hulababy · 18/04/2006 20:21

Blu · 18/04/2006 20:27

DS does this often. he says there aren't enough people in his bed. I had resolved to sort it out, as it disturbs my sleep, but DP didn't do his share of policing the putting him back in his own room, (because nothing disturbs him!!) so it was doomed to failure. Now, if DS gets in, I go into the spare room, and love it, free of DS's wriggling and DPs snoring!

Piffle · 18/04/2006 20:30

My ds came into my bed at age 5. He sometimes went to sleep in it or came in during the night. I was on my own and had no other baby to worry about, I had no isue with, infact I loved it and was gutted when at age 6 he finally deemed it uncool :(

Freckle · 18/04/2006 20:32

My children have often commented on the fact that DH and I sleep together but that they have to sleep by themselves and I suppose I can see their point. We ended up buying a super-king-size bed so that we could accommodate extra bodies in the bed (but I always ended up squashed on one side and getting little sleep).

There is nothing wrong with children wanting to sleep with their parents - or indeed their siblings - as long as all parties are happy with it. If someone is unhappy with the arrangement, then perhaps steps need to be taken to change the situation.

DS3 still comes in with us from time to time, but not every night so I do get the opportunity to have a decent night's sleep most nights - whether I get a good sleep or not is seldom to do with children getting in with us.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 18/04/2006 20:33

is it not possible this is connected to bringing the 7 month old in? I know it sucks a bit (as it were) but if you fed her/him in her room instead of in your bed might it stop ds? Although, tbh I could never bear feeding in the middle of the night anywhere except bed so I'd probably be more tempted to tell dh to deal with it or retire to ds's bed.

Mercy · 18/04/2006 20:41

my dd (5 yesterday) still does this - creeps into our room and snuggles donw between us. I don't really mind but the other day ds was poorly so he ended up in our bed too - nobody slept well in the end, least of all me.

Like Freckle's kids, my dd says she feels lonely sometimes. Fair enough.

hex · 18/04/2006 21:41

I've started to share a bed with my dd1 (dp is in main bedroom looking after dd2 (11 mths) when she wakes at night. I really enjoy it until 5am when she wakes and kicks me to smithereens. One thing (related) I wondered though, was if everyone wears pjs, etc. We all sleep in the nude (dd1 gets so hot we have the heating turned off and window open so she's comfortable) and I wondered if there comes a time when it is a bit inappropriate. I am completely at home at the moment with her seeing me with no clothes on as I want her to grow up feeling comfortable with her body. Now she's 5 though, dp has voiced that he would feel a tad uncomfortable if she shared a bed with him (I guess just cause what she might blurt out at school and possibilities of this being misread in some awful way). I wouldn't think it's odd but I wonder if fathers are these days made to feel awkward about this? What do others think?

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