Clingy 12 month old son is making me miserable

[brunette2007]

Hi, I just need some advice/support: I am a SAHM of 2 children : DD is 3 and DS is 12 months. I dont have contact with family and as I live elsewhere not really in contact with friends. The only support I get is from a male friend that only helps with shopping apart from that i'm alone and starting to feel very stressed out. My DS is being weaned off breast milk but is so clingy, he has never slept a day in his cot so he sleeps with me, if I leave the room he screams like he is being attacked/abused that i'm always worried what my neighbours think ( I live on 3rd floor flat and the walls are so thin).

BC I was working in the city, dressed well, went out and quite happy, I didnt realise what I had until I became a mother. I want to enjoy the experience, just as I did with my DD, things were difficult but we were able to go out and get fresh air etc but now my DS wont even allow me to have a bath without screaming that I just cant be bothered to go out.

So we spend most of the time on the balcony in our pyjamas as getting dressed is impossible. I feel so tired, and irritable. I feel like life is passing me by and I'm not enjoying motherhood as I should. I feel sorry for my DD as she is affected and cant go out.

Since we live on the 3rd floor of a flat with no lift it can be a struggle to go out and my DS HATES his pushchair, but my DD likes to use it when she gets tired of walking. So its just easier to stay at home and not bother! When we do go out I'm jealous of other mothers that always seem to have it together. AIBU?!! Any tips, words of wisdom/advice will help. thanks

It won't always be like this, it does move on,

are you getting any time off?

are you going to toddler groups,

I'm jealous of other mothers that always seem to have it together

Ducks all of them,they are all paddling away like mad underneath the water.

and stop worrying about the neighbours .

It is partly the age IME - separation anxiety peaks up to about 18 months. I know this is a Mumsnet cliche, but could you try a sling for DS? You can get some very good toddler type ones which are easy to put on (google patapum) and might make it possible for you all to leave the house - if you all get out and he sees other children running around having fun, he may decide to go and join them as he gets more confident.

Also do you have a DP? Could he sit with the children while you have a bath or shower in the evening (or even just 10 minutes to yourself?)

thankyou @quoteunquote, I am not returning to work, it has been challenging so Im going into self-employment, I have been to some parent toddler groups but to be frankly honest when my DS starts crying etc and wont allow me to get ready I really just cant be bothered. Today, I decided to just take them out and it was a struggle, it took us hours to get ready and I hardly had time to give myself a good wash, but...we were able to step outside, even with the tears and hysterics in public. Thanks for your comment : 'Ducks all of them,they are all paddling away like mad underneath the water'. put a smile on my face and yeah, i'l try not to be too paranoid about the neighbours :)

Thanks @skaen, no, I dont have a DP, which has been challenging. I have never heard of the patapum, but I will google it up. I have a baby bjorn active carrier which is quite good, and has been of great help with housework but with the weather I havent really been able to use it as much. I'm going to push through being that its a new year and learn to adapt to all these changes/developments. I wish I had 10 minutes to myself, what a luxury ....

I've just googled the patapum...great! i'm going to have to get one. I like the fact that you can wear it on the back, that would be great for DS

My dd was pretty clingy - it does get easier!
Hang in there.
I found that explaining what was giong to happen (even at such a young age), really did help - there were no surprises for DD. I even told her when I was about to leave the room, go cook tea, whatever - loads of notice - it helped her a lot.
I'd definately try and get to some toddler groups too - any support will make such a big difference.
If your DD is 3, is she starting nursery? 1-on-1 time with your DS could help too, and hopefully give you more energy to spend quality time with your DD when she gets home.
Good luck - it will get easier!

Can you tackle naps at all? Try getting him in his cot? That would make a world of difference.

What pushchair do you have? Have you tried giving him a snack while putting him in? Dd usually kicks off if she's hungry or tired when I try to put her in but a snack will appease her (she's 13 months).

I feel your pain though - I have a 1 and 3 year old! But not doing it alone. Is your dd in childcare with free hours?

I know exactly where you are coming from. I had help around the house from my DP which was sort of beneficial but typically i would have to do it again after. My DD was breastfed until 13 month because she just wasn't ready at 12. At 12 month she went through a pretty bad bout of seperation anxiety to the extent where she wouldn't even sit with my DP and led to her being nicknamed the Sellotape Baby.

It does get better though. Now at 15 months she is completely off breast milk and is now starting to sleep in her own bed (a futon) for a few hours at a time in the night. I too co-slept and underttand how intense it can be and how resentful you can sometimes feel, even though of course you still love your little one. It may seem too hard to cope at the minute but honestly it does improve.

My heart goes out to you though love, especially with no support network around.
If you need someone to chat to then I am here as are many others x

My very nearly 12 month old also velcro baby. I swear by my sling - he goes in it all the time. Do try and get out and about it will not only make you feel a bit better but may help wear ds out a bit so he will sleep more/better.

As for the shower - could you let him watch you whilst you wash? My ds find ur highly amusing you watch me in the shower. Or could you speed shower and just let him cry for a few minutes? I know it's not ideal when you're trying to ap (which I assume you are with the exbf and co sleeping) but needs must and crying whilst mummy washes is very different from being left to howl on your own for hours.
Remember to take care of yourself - like the oxygen masks on a plane, if you follow the analogy