I would really appreciate some opinions/advice on the following issue. Apologies for the length of the description but I felt it necessary to include enough detail for any readers to make an informed opinion. This situation has caused a lot of distress to me and my friend for a long time and we are now unsure of what the best way forward is.....
A year and a half ago I heard a friend's ex whisper to their (then) nearly 3 year old daughter whilst rocking her on his hip 'Shall we play the ** game later?'. This raised alarm bells in my head but I realised that it could be innocent and that perhaps I was being a little paranoid. (At this time the daughter was living alone with her father and brothers, as their mother had had a stress break down due to DV and control issues).
Of course after hearing what I'd heard, I was wary enough to only allow my daughter around him with either myself or my friend present. This was already the case for my son, as I found it totally inappropriate that this father would tease and ridicule him about anything and everything including his mild visual disability!
Since the day that I heard this, I have heard several comments from him that I have found quite alarming.....remarks have been made about my daughter (11) needing a sports bra and about the fact that she has had a 'camel's hoof' when her leggings or joggers have been pulled up to high. He commented in the summer that my daughter's bikini didn't cover much and is always the first to notice if any girl is accidentally showing their knickers. I had my suspicions about this father, a gut feeling but not really enough information or evidence to substantiate a referral.
Recently, the (now) 4 year old daughter had developed a habit sitting on our legs/laps and girating herself. We were concerned and I suggested to my friend that perhaps we should ask her if that was the ** game. My friend did this the next time her daughter was on her, the reply was that it was but that it was a naughty game that she only played with Daddy. My friend re assured her daughter that it was fine to tell her mummy even if it was a 'naughty' game. My friend asked if her daughter could show us how to play it and she did......She sat on her mum's lap, legs straddled across the groin area and facing her mum. she took her mum's hands and put them on her waist and said 'Daddy pulls me backwards and forwards' and she moved herself backwards and forwards to demonstrate. My friend asked her daughter what clothes she wore when she played this game, she replied that she wore her knickers and vest. When asked what her father wore, she said pants and t shirt but that sometimes her Dad's pants would come off and land on his head. She then flung herself backwards and said that that was what her Dad did. On my friend's request I phoned the NSPCC for some advice. They told me that it should be reported to Children's Services immediately which we did.
The next day a Social worker called my friend and explained that they were going into the children's school to speak to the daughter. The 'interview' with the daughter was with a child protection police officer, a social worker and the head mistress, in the head mistress' office. We were then told that nothing had been disclosed by the daughter, that she didn't seem afraid of her father and that her eyes 'lit up' when she talked about him. We were told that a full investigation had taken place, that we had put words in the daughter's mouth and that Children's Services had no concerns for her well being. We were both very upset, not only by what had been disclosed but because of the fact that we both felt that nobody believed us and that perhaps they thought we had warped minds or something.
A couple of days later, I was cleaning up dog poo in the garden and complained saying I hated dog poo. Totally out of the blue, the daughter starting saying that brown poo comes out of bum bums but pink and purple poo poo comes out of willys. She continued that her brothers got brown poo because they were naughty but that she got the pink and purple poo poo because she was good. She was then saying something about some pink poo poo getting on her vest. We didn't quite understand what she was talking about but neither of us dared ask her any questions (as hard as that was) for fear of being accused of putting words in her mouth. Sadly, we felt unable to go back to Children's Services with this added information through fear of being disbelieved. We were also very aware that nobody had visited or called to discuss the disclosure in any detail with us. The only information they had was a brief description that I gave to Out of hours Children's Services when I initially phoned.
My friend has since only allowed her daughter minimal supervised contact with her father and her 'girating' behaviour has now ceased. The mum, not knowing what to do, recently asked the father about what the daughter had said. His initial reply was that he didn't play any games with the daughter. After hearing a few more details and realising the name of the game etc his only reply was that he didn't hurt her. Perhaps he felt he had done nothing wrong with this game? After all, he is currently quite happily and openly driving around in a car with no MOT, Tax or Insurance. Possibly an irrelevant piece of information but to me it indicates a person with possible limited values and respect for the Law.
Do you think we are right to believe this disclosure or are we just two paranoid women with over active imaginations?
Thanks :-)