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My child (7yrs) called a school friend a racist name, how do I handle this?

6 replies

Polygon · 19/12/2012 20:21

I was taking my dd home with another girl from school and they were playing with a school friend and his sister. All of a sudden a fight erupted and when I asked what was going on, their school friend explained that dd´s friend had called him a racist name. It then came out that dd had copied the friend and had also called him the racist name. The boy´s slightly older sister had given the two girls a talking to. I then explained to the two girls that that was completely unacceptable, that I was really shocked and this was a terrible thing to say. I made the girls apologise. I told the boy that I would spend some more time explaining to the girls at home how wrong it was to make sure that they understood it must never happen again. The boy (who I know quite well) was happy with this. When we got home, we had a big talk about never teasing other children because they are different from you. We talked about ways in which we are all different. I felt that they weren´t realising how bad it was. In the end I said to them that black people have been killed or treated very badly by white people because of the colour of their skin and we have to fight to make sure no one suffers because of the colour of their skin or their religion or where they come from - and that that includes suffering because of teasing or being called names. I told them that if they ever hear anyone else saying something like that, they must take the side of the child being teased and do anything and everything they can think of to stop it.

So what should I do next?
I have always made sure that we have lots of books at home about different cultures (the Unicef Children from around the world book, "My Caribbean Family History" from Heinemann etc etc etc). At school the teacher has discussed where all the parents come from because it´s quite an international school and everyone´s parents come from somewhere else and a lot of the children have lived in other countries (we live outside the UK so I´m an immigrant here).

I would appreciate any tips as to what to say to my daughter now to make sure that nothing like this ever happens again.
I would also appreciate any background tips to make sure that she grows up able to recognise her own prejudices and work against them.
I would also appreciate criticism of how I´ve acted up to now - how should I have acted?

OP posts:
TheMonster · 19/12/2012 20:28

I presume your dd's friend has heard it somewhere. Would explain to your dd that some people say such things but it is wrong. Sounds like you have handled it well.

Creeping · 19/12/2012 20:29

I think you have reacted brilliantly. Textbook I would say. The only thing I would perhaps do to follow up is just ask tomorrow or the day after "Have you been kind to so and so? And the other children?", just to make clear your expectations. I would not be inclined to have an educational session about it unless there was another incident.

Well done.

butterflyexperience · 19/12/2012 20:30

Think you handled the situation very well.
Just continue with what your doing.

Polygon · 19/12/2012 21:39

Thanks all. I must say I was so shaken by it all, I just couldn´t - still can´t - believe it. I think somehow I was more aware by that age ... or maybe I just don´t remember it because I was 7 at the time.

I´ve got two fronts to fight on: (1) if someone else is being unkind to someone, you never join the unkind child´s side; (2) racism. Oh god!
I will definitely do as Creeping said and follow up by asking if dd has been kind to xxx.

OP posts:
JollyOldChristmas · 19/12/2012 21:43

Did they know that what they had said was racist? It may be worth also pointing out that you shouldn't copy name calling words, especially if you do not know that they mean.

timetosmile · 19/12/2012 21:46

Cheer up Poly DS (11) came home from high School the other day and airily announced that it was 'totally unacceptable the way all these Indians come over here and steal our jobs....' Shock

Children will parrot what they hear, from us when a driver cuts us up from their mates, and their mates' families.

You've done absolutely the right thing and explained to DD what wasn't right and why.

And I bet you'll have plenty more opportunities in the future to practise those skill you used tonight!

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