Feel like I'm having a meltdown...

[Mamarunner]

I've had 2 little boys with a reasonably close age gap, ds1 was 2 a couple of weeks ago and ds2 is 15 weeks. I feel like I've been managing quite well up until recently but in the last couple of weeks I feel like I'm suddenly having a meltdown. Ds1 is really active, chatty and lots of fun but he obviously needs lots of stimulation. Ds2 however is quite restless and wants to feed or be held all the time (ds1 was exactly the same as a baby). This ends up with us spending a lot of time at home and me feeling incredibly guilty about ds1 spending literally hours in front of the tv some days.

Ds1 is at home with me full-time now, which is what I wanted but the fact that there is literally no let-up is suddenly really getting to me and I'm exhausted. I just feel like I'm not coping. Added to this is that ds2 was born with a cleft lip and palate so I've been expressing milk for him since he was born (he can't breastfeed). Obviously this is time consuming and exhausting too and at the moment I'm thinking I'd like to stop now and go to formula instead. But I don't know If I really want to or if it's just because I'm having a bad week. It's not that I think there's anything wrong with formula, just that it was really important to me to give ds2 breast milk.

As you can probably tell all this stuff is running through my head and I just feel like I need to call time-out! Did anyone else feel like this after the first few months of having 2 and did it get better???

Yes, yes and yes! Plus this terrible weather makes any out of the house time quite difficult. I have two sons, 5 years apart and what made it easier was they the eldest was a school, so sitting and BF'ing all day was possible, but after about 3-4 months I'd had enough, I felt stir crazy and the weather was better (DS2 born in Jan) and I just wanted to be out and I could never do the BF in public thing! Are there any soft play places you can go? 2 yo can have a run around and you can sit there with the baby? 15 weeks is great for BF and if you want to FF go ahead it will be fine. Any firends that can come over for a coffee and a play date so you feel a bit more connected to humans again? I had this routine, park monday, library tuesday, costs wednesday, music class thursday and I would try and arrange a play date for friday, so I knew at least I had a plan that meant I go out of the house every day (weather permitting). What are you doing for Xmas, will you have extra help? Others to entertain DS2? It will get better I promise!

I think you may need to lower your standards a bit elsewhere and not be so hard on yourself. I would strongly reconsider some childcare for Ds1. My DS goes to nursery 3 mornings a week and even tho I'm a SAHM (34 wks pregnant) it's only just nearly manageable. In term time we also do toddler group, a craft class at soft play and meet up with 3 mums (alternate houses) every week. We also go to library once a week. And yet with this weather I'm still going nuts with a hyper and cranky (teething) 2 year old! I wish we could go out more and run round but just not poss. I would also consider again switching to formula for ur DS2. Although normally I would totally encourage BF (BF DS until 15m) your case is very difficult and expressing all the time can't be pleasant or easy. Good luck!

For the sake of your sanity, ditch the guilt and try formula - I think it will make a huge difference. I expressed for five months with dd (my first) as she had reflux and really couldnt get on with BF and it nearly tipped me over the edge. With DS it was a diff story - he loved BF so much he was at it every hour. His appetite was enormous and he refused a bottle point blank. I think it had a really negative effect on DD (similar age gap to yours) and the amount of quality time we had together. In the end at 13weeks with DS I turned to formula. Remember with expressing you're double feeding - spending all that time expressing and then the usual amount of time feeding it to the baby. It is relentless and exhausting. And remember you will never get those early months back. Far better to enjoy it with a happy baby who gets fed one way or another and a happy toddler who doesn't feel sidelined and understimulated. I am very pro BF but not when it affects the happiness of the mother and the quality of family life. It will get better, just go easy on yourself, you are only human and can only do your best x

Thanks for your advice guys. Yes, since writing that post I have decided that I have done well on the expressing but it's probably now time to stop so that I have more time and energy to devote to the kids in other ways. We can't really afford to put ds1 into nursery while I am at home but we are building up a routine of playgroups, classes and meet-ups so we're doing ok. Both kids are happy and healthy, I think I just worry too much and you're right I need to stop being so hard on myself, I do tend to put a lot of pressure on myself. Ds2 has his first surgery next week so got to get through that as well. Thanks for reassuring me that these feelings are normal though!