is this asking too much?

[fuckadoodlepoopoo]

Is it asking too much to expect my young children, 4 and 7, to stop asking me for things they can't find, they want got down from the top of the cupboard, weird questions, etc etc etc occasionally when i need to do other things?

Sometimes i need a few minutes of quiet and sometimes i work from home and will explain to them that they need to play quietly by themselves so i can concentrate on writing an email or something.

They can never do it.

Yesterday i was exhausted and asked them to let me lay quietly on the sofa. They then proceeded to ask me for everything under the sun including juice, toys, to search for lost toys etc and then when i put my foot down they cried so off course all chance of a quiet moment was gone.

What's worse is that other people say how easy it must be for me working at home at the same time as looking after my kids. When i say that actually its horrendously stressful, unfair on my kids, and bordering on neglect when i have to work from morning til night with my kids at home these people say that the kids just have to get used to it! An hour maybe . . . 10 hours?!

Im ranting now.

The electronic babysitter works sometimes but at the moment isn't working at all for some reason.

I had a feeling it was asking too much. The people who constantly go on about how perfect and easy it is working at home at the same time as looking after kids, are the inlaws who refuse to ever babysit for us yet babysit frequently for the other grandchildren whose parents go out to work. So its probably in a way them trying to justify not helping out, because why should they need to if its so easy.

My youngest isn't at school yet so i don't have that time to work. Only about 2 hours while she's at nursery, not including drop offs etc. So i can't get a lot done in that time. I also don't have anyone who is in a similar situation who i could share babysitting with.

So Im left with two hours in the middle of the day, assuming neither of my children are ill, and then after 8.30 when they are both finally settled at night. Its not easy because when Im working its a full time job but its erratic so can't arrange proper childcare.

Yes I think it is, sorry. Children are self centred by nature - it wouldn't occur to them to think "Do I really need to bother mum with this now, or can it wait?" Everything is urgent to them (especially the younger one). Your best bet is investing a bit of time in setting something up for them like a train track or something, and then hoping it keeps them engrossed for an hour or so.

Might be end of term syndrome for them both too if youngest is at preschool. Tired, more whiny, less able to entertain themselves.

I think people are utterly deluded if they think working from home while looking after children is easy! Most people I know who do this have a nanny or childminder. Would this be an option at least for the youngest during school hours? Maybe a couple of days a week?

If your work requires concentration it's going to be damn near impossible really. If it's more the kind of thing you can chip away at then it might be doable. If it's a mix of the two then you'll have to time it...

They're too young to accept you are in the house but deaf to their requests, sorry.

Even if you were childless your inlaws might think, "Oh but you are home so you can fit the odd social call/bit of housework/decorating/gym class/lunch out as and when you fancy/etc", NO BECAUSE I'M WORKING.

Either you have another responsible adult in the house when the DCs are in or you give their care to somebody outside home.

Fwiw I didn't try working from home and it was still next to impossible for years to get them to give me peace and uninterrupted free time for a prolonged period.

Unfortunately i can't use a nanny or childminder as i don't work for weeks and then have a week or two of solid work.

Don't know what to do.

Thanks for your replies.

We brought up our DCs 100s of miles away from relations and inlaws so didn't have the luxury of grandparents living within easy reach. Tbh even when the DCs were tiny and we did, it was made plain by GPs they wouldn't offer babysitting 'on tap' or by regular arrangement. I can number the times on one hand they had DCs without us present .

What stood out for me in your post of 16:00:32 was that your inlaws have an ongoing arrangement with other GCs. Sounds like you lucked out by geography or by dint of starting a family a bit later than DH's sibling(s).

Is it possible for DH to negotiate something if he points out this would benefit your family finances, it's not so fuckadoodle can sip caffe latte while getting her nails done?

Do you think their answer would alter if DH needed them? You're enabling him to earn. Otherwise you'll have to wait for your youngest to reach pre-school.

PS The bit about my situation was not competitive hard-done-by-ness, just saying I know from experience it's not as easy as folk make out.

You might be able to find a nanny or childminder who's willing to do ad-hoc work - might be worth ringing around? Even if because of ratios or whatever they only have a couple of free spots for the coming week that would at least be a help wouldn't it?

More lucked out by them not treating their children and grandchildren by each equally :(

They sort of have an ongoing arrangement with their other son but also just help out randomly so that other son go play football, badminton, etc and his wife can go do her hobbies or so he and his wife can go away for the weekend etc. Its very sad for my husband not to be treated the same.

We actually live closer to them and in some ways have been in greater need as i have been unwell but it hasn't made any difference. They did for a long while go through a stage of saying yes and then changing their mind at the last minute which caused all sorts of issues, including me missing my cousins wedding and not being able to get to my first day in a new job and so losing the job!

They seem to have got fed up of being so spiteful but now i don't trust them anyway.

We did tell them how much we needed them when i was ill. Not just for my benefit but for the children, but it changed nothing.

Now they act nice as pie as though nothing happened but the damage is done.

Theoxen. I didn't think you were being competitive!

Bertie. I didn't know that childminders did that. I did ask a friend of mine who is one but too far away to help, and she said she and most others wouldn't agree to that because it would be too much hassle with the paperwork and all the chopping and changing, also it would take up a place that another child could use up. Something about retainers too, so i would have to pay even when i didn't need the place.

Oh good I realise after I pressed Post you might detect the whine of tiny violins.

Well regarding inlaws perhaps better not to involve or depend on the PILs. Not only unreliable but can see BIL might feel hard done by somehow.

I'm sorry not to have a solution. Btw not relevant but people's attitudes do vary. We knew a smart professional couple with pre schoolers. Once when discussing difficulty of relocating away from network of family and friends, we commented on Moving Day. Couple looked smug and said, "Oh we just drove round to Ikea, 2 miles' away, dropped the infants in the Ikea instore creche and drove back to unpack and hang curtains! Drove back and fetched them after a couple of hours!"

NOT recommending this as a strategy!

Ha ha! I must admit that's occurred to me before since i know someone who drops her twins off there to get some peace for a while. Can't imagine actually doing it though!

I have a 3 year old. I was tearing my hair out on Sunday when I needed to sit down and finish crocheting SIL's present but DS kept following me around; I set him a den up to play in, he wanted windows in it. I drew him a camp fire for outside it, it was the wrong shade of orange, I went to the loo and was followed pup the stairs by "look, I'm a bear mummy". I just wanted an hour to sit down and concentrate.

Your OP suggests that I have at least 4 years to go before I have any hope of doing this

I have noticed though that DS picks up on me wanting to do other things, like the night I tried to get him into bed early to decorate the Christmas cakes, and it was gone 8.15 before we got him into bed and asleep. If you just happen to do other stuff, like crocheting in front of Postman Pat, you get far more done than if you try to set yourself apart.

My two try to kill each other every time I leave the room.

Heaven knows what the neighbours think about the screaming.

"Slaughter of the Innocents" piprabbit?

Wouldn't it be easier if we just bunged on DVDs and left them with a tenner's worth of sweets

They'd fight about which DVD to watch and squabble over the sweets .

The only time they are kind to each other is when they are ganging up against me .

Having tried it, I think it's very very hard to work from home without proper childcare in place.

Is there another Mum you could trade some babysitting with? so you have her dcs when your work is slack and she has yours when you're busy? Another idea, as you would be in the house (I think?) but just need someone to keep them occupied would be to find out if there are any local childcare students who need to get some work experience? Do any of your neighbours have 6th form age children? They might be capable of doing some light entertaining after school while you get your head down and work.

Have to say, I don't think you can expect to work from home with a 4 year old - not for more than say 20min a day anyway! A 7 year old, not sure, maybe an hour or two but I don't know if you'd get more done than that. They know you're there, they want your attention!

Yeah, Im expecting way too much aren't i. Feeling murderous about those saying that the kids just have to get used to it/its easy etc!

What makes it harder is that i don't have a separate office or lap top so we are all in the same room, which makes it harder if i have anyone over to watch them while i work. My job takes a lot of concentration so the noise and kids jumping about is distracting.

I wasn't planning on working again until my little one was at full time school but an opportunity came along that is unlikely to come along again, so i suppose I'll just have to manage as best i can.

My children made me sad the other day as they said they didn't want me to work as it meant i had no time with them. Its probably worse having me in the room but unable to play or even have proper conversations with them.

My friend's dog has lately taken to "singing" when she's on the phone. Clients find it unnerving, (she does voiceovers!).

Could you work in the evening / very early morning to free up time when they are around, or have your PC in your bedroom.

Is it worth looking for a laptop in the January sales so you can type in your room and keep the laptop under your bed?

Theo. That's funny

Fire. I do work in the evening as well but i get exhausted after a while and can't do my work properly and make mistakes. I can get away with doing one night like that but after the first one i can't function anymore. I just had to replace my main computer so can't get a laptop as well right now. The type i need aren't the cheap type either unfortunately! There isn't really room to have it in the bedroom either.

I don't have any good solutions to offer, just wanted to add sympathy. My youngest now does 2 afternoons a week at preschool which means that sometimes I can work then and not at 10pm! Like you my work is erratic. I haven't found a good solution at all, and I also hate it when people tell me how lucky I am to be able to work from home so I don't have to pay for childcare. I cannot do both (hence the 10 pm sessions)

bigbadbarry. Thanks