I am being unreasonable and SS question

[worriedaunt100]

Have changed name but am regular posted don't want to be outed on this.

My sister has recently separated from her DH. I never liked him, and he has treated her appallingly - verbal abuse, drugs, OW, etc - he is very impulsive and probably has a personality disorder and maybe even mental health issues.

Anyway she had to get some sort of order against him as he came round and threatened in front of her 5 year old to kidnap their children. Her 5 year old had let him in (possibly not that time but had let him on on other occasions). After that I had a go at her as the lock on her front door is very low down such that 5 year old can open in - said she should get a higher up lock - I gave her the number for a local locksmith - she does have a bolt high up but sometimes forgets to lock it. Kids now have supervised access only with their Dad. Lock very low down, think even 3 year old can open but I am not 100% sure about that.

I went round to drop off some stuff to her, and was shocked when her 5 year old opened the door - he did check it was me - but opened it even though I asked him to wait for an adult. I told him off - although he insisted he was allowed to open the door and then I vented to my other sister (I was on my way to visit her) who agreed with me that it was troubling and that she would talk to our mum.

Anyway - now sister is fuming at me for mentioning it to other sister and mum, - I said that I was concerned as there were potential child protection issues and that it was preferable to mention to mum and sister rather than say social services.

Anyway she then said I don't care about her (I do thats why I mentioned to mum and sister) and that if I call social services they come and take the children without asking any questions - is this true and it doesn't sound likely.

Please give me some support as feeling that I am trying to help and being supportive but its all being thrown back in my face - haven't posted in IABU as can't cope with being slated and higher risk she'll see post.

She also reminded me of stuff I do she doesn't consider safe eg leave DC with babysitters in hotels (obviously all vetted by hotels etc) or let my kids cry such that middle child once vomitted and he could have choked. etc.

I think you have pointed out the potential risks. You were ignored, and have asked other family members to point out those risks. If your other sister and your Mum agree, which you say they have, then you do have a valid point.
I think your mentioning SS was way OTT.
You mention your sister is separated. Maybe she can't afford a locksmith?
She has become defensive, you have criticised her parenting. She has responded by criticising your parenting skills.
Offer to pay for the lock. Apologise for your comments about SS.

Yes, mum and other sister both agreed and mum was going to pay for locksmith as yes money is tight.

Yes social services comment was OTT but I was just pointing out that I felt I had no choice to tell mum and sister as it was child protection issue (ie safety of her DC) - and that if I came to it would have to call SS.

Will apologise about SS comment.

Also what I said was that it was preferable to tell mum and sister than to call social services, I didn't say that I would call social services.