Tricks of the "perfect mother"

[Mummysurfer]

So what do you do?
I have been known to rinse out craft equipment and leave it on the draining board before visitors arrive.

Hide the multi-pack of crisps and put the fruit bowl in a more prominent position when visitors are due,

explain to visitors that the inter-active, learn-about-other-cultures free-forn play theme for this week is 'Trailer Park' therefore never have to tidy or mask odours

have a cake sitting out decorated by dd

Leave out your book on, is it ever to soon to teach your children Latin

I you have a child who pees on the floor when you answer the door to the neighbour who has come bearing gifts to thank you for looking after their cats then swap them for a different one (the child not the gifts). Could have been worse as he had also pooed himself. Wondered why he was saying "bye bye" and trying to shut the door in her face. Thought he wanted the door shut.

Sorry that's not very perfect it is. I guess I cpould have tried to pretend he was someone elses.

Jimjams, couldn't you have blamed the cat?

Tut loudly as you answer the door and say "Oh Tarquin! That's the third time today you've played that violin solo. Isn't it time you practised the clarinet piece?"

Make sure the children are out at nursery/school

Make sure you hide your empty bottles of wine, you have lots of visitors

Would have been hard Angeliez as he was standing above the puddle and you could see it all down his trousers. 2 year olds get away with it, but people look a bit horrified when its a 4 and a half year old. Nope I think swapping him would be the answer (don't mean it - he's cuddling me as i type this- in a nappy!)

But do you have a cupboard big enough, FF? (hohoho, now she'll really hate me).
My tip is: if your guests ask for biscuits, say, sorry we never have any in the house (leaving out the fact that they barely make it out of the shopping bag before they get scoffed, anyway).

re the biscuits - like it!

I always tell people to phone before they think of dropping by. Then consider hiding son's toy guns and dh's ashtrays under the duvet in our bedroom. This may or may not happen depending on the guest.

But no matter who is visitng, I always take our undies off the radiators if they are there to dry.

Leave cookery books open in kitchen, with rolling pin and flour on counter, throw flour on a well made up face, wear an apron over a twinset and skirt. Have something yum cooking in oven, (PAR baked cookies from somewere or other Sainsbury's! may be !). Put kids into best clothes and answer the door saying, "oooh glad u came,just wipped something up will be ready soon"!!!

Re the peeing on the floor thing, be in your face about it, and loudly say 'It happened to the Queen once, and It didn't hold her back'. Someone said that to me when I was little and had an accident in the wee department. It made me feel so much better about myself.