Pre school pushing and aggression

[Millymolly351]

Hi all, I'm new to this forum but just wanted some advice about my ds. He is 3 and is quite big for his age and has real issues with pushing and shoving other kids. I guess lots do but because he is quite big he can push other kids over completely. He is lovely most of the time but this often happens out on play dates etc. and he just gets over excited and won't share. I always tell him off and give him a time out etc, try explaining why he shouldn't do it etc, but in the heat of the moment he always forgets this and does it. I am so embarrassed and feel I can't take him out. I always supervise him really carefully to try and head it off but I also have a baby so can't always be standing over him. Today at the park he pushed someone's child and the mother had a real go at me. I told him off and made him apologise but she really made me feel like an awful mother even though I am trying really hard to work on his boisterousness. Luckily he has had pre school for the last term and the teachers all tell me he's a really good boy so either he's different there or they aren't telling me.... I'm at my wits end do you think he'll ever grow out of it? So tired of everyone thinking IM a bad mum and he's a terror when he can be so lovely :(

He will be different there, normal!

Is he trying to do something - why is he pushing? Tell him what he should do instead. Eg if he wants something, he comes to you. Give him loads of cuddles etc. my ds can be a pusher when he's tired or jealous from the affection his sister gets (she's a baby) so I give lots of cuddles.

You also need to stick to him when in the park. Yes is hard but if you have a baby, baby is in pushchair surely? So you can stay with your ds. I actually avoid playgrounds and tend to let ds run about in the grassy bits with a ball. Much less stress!

It's no ones business to make you feel bad about your parenting. You should definitely be making it clear pushing is not nice but don't let another person make you feel like you need to have a huge go at your kid for it. My DS is 2.9 and started pushing around the time his brother was born six months ago. He doesn't do it as often now and tends to do it when over tired or frustrated or hungry. He is not old enough to understand why it is wrong but he knows it is wrong. The best thing to do is move him out of the way where possible. It is a normal developmental stage for some children. My son is also big and people assume he's four ish which makes it harder. Just be firm but don't let another parent make you feel bad as I'm sure they don't get everything perfectly right.

Thanks all... Hopefully he will just grow out of it and yes until then will have to stick to his side.. He went to tea at my neighbours house yesterday (without me as I was out when she popped round so my husband let him go) and apparently he was an angel... No pushing!!! He has pushed her little girl quite a bit when I've been there so maybe he's better behaved when I'm not around!

My DS went through a phase of pushing and hitting when he started pre-school, generally problems with people being in his personal space, and not wanting to share.

It was hard for me to do anything about it, because I didn't spend much time with him around other children, so wasn't on the spot when it happened. We talked about it quite a bit. When he pushed someone at pre-school they would remove him, calm him down, then get him to say sorry. They also did a lot of work with him roleplaying situations with teddies and getting him to understand what he could be doing instead (take turns, walk away, tell a teacher, hit a cushion if he was frustrated). He took a couple of months to get through it (and it was mortifying) but he's generally pretty good now.