DH shows affection by being 'rough'

[BatInASantaHat]

We have a 12 week old DS and DH seems to struggle to show him affection in the form of cuddles and kisses, instead does things like squeeze his cheeks, roll him around in a rough way on his playmat or hold him upside down. I'm ok with this (aside from holding upside down, which bothers me but I can't find evidence to say it's bad for DS) when DS is in a playful mood, but DH tries the same things when DS is crying and it just upsets him further. I've tried telling him I don't think that his solutions work and that it upsets me to see DS getting so upset, but DH tells me I'm too soft and babies don't need to be cuddled all the time. He also believes we should leave him to cry when we know there isn't actually anything wrong with him as he would soon tire himself out, but I like to pacify him! I don't know what to do. It is making me dislike DH and be quite protective of DS. It doesn't help that DH is really struggling to deal with becoming a parent and I think his lack of affection could be part of this. I feel terrible about it and wonder if I am just being too soft.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and can it be resolved or should I just accept that different people have different parenting styles?

I know this is the wrong thread, but please tell me if IABU!

There is never 'nothing wrong' when a baby cries. What an odd concept.

That was probably an odd way to phrase it, what I intended to convey was that I only meant in those instances where it isn't hunger, nappy, ill, hot, cold, etc and the thing that's 'wrong' is that baby is very tired and doesn't want to be in his cot but wants to be asleep on me and it's late at night and I'd rather he wasn't!

'Rough play' or 'rough house' is important to play with your child, but think 12 weeks is WAY TO EARLY to be held upside down!!

I know several people who come from a background of limited affection.....and they had/have problems with cuddles....

Most men don't like to be told straight that they're wrong...think about a tactic where you can show him the right way to comfort for dc without waving a red flag in his face.

As for 'rough play'....the dad is normally the best parent to undertake this as he will take risks that the mother wont. So there is a little bit to the 'overprotective' jibe.

But 12 weeks getting turned upside down!....does your child enjoy it??

I don't think it's that clueless to be fair... he's just trying something out. At least you've had a discussion about it and it's come out right now :)

The leaving to cry thing would worry me, but I suppose that's some people's family experience, and it can seem logical. Not for me though, that's a person asking for help, even if you don't understand why they're upset you should at least try.

Would it be worthwhile encouraging him to take your baby to a baby yoga class? That way he could learn safe ways of swinging him around, holding him upside down etc.