My baby won't sleep at night

[Vespar7]

Hi,

My DD is now 7 weeks old but ever since she has been born she has hated being put to bed for the first time in the evening. She will typically cry for about 4 hours before she goes to sleep but when she wakes in the night for her feeds she goes straight back to sleep. The only way we can stop her crying is to hold her but as I am exhausted I'm afraid I will fall asleep and hurt her but I'm also worried about getting her into bad habits. I asked the health visitor and she said it could be colic so we tried infacol but that put her off her food and seemed to make her throw up more. I didn't think it was colic because if we held her she was fine but recently there have been a few occasions where even if we hold her she still screams. On these days we have given her gripe water and sometimes she settles sometimes not.

We have tried letting her sleep in the pram rather than the cot, lights on, lights off, music, white noise, talking to her, rubbing her stomach, bathtimrbut nothing seems to work.

Does anyone have any ideas on what we can do? She is a lovely baby the rest of the time but this 4 hour bedtime routine is driving me a little crazy.

Maybe she's just not ready to go to bed in the evening yet. Lots of babies are unsettled in the evening and many, my DD included, like to cluster feed in the evening for the first few months. It wasn't until she was about 16 weeks that she stopped feeding very frequently between 7 and 11pm and started seeming to be ready to actually go to bed in the evening, until then she was downstairs with us, feeding and catnapping in our arms. At 16 weeks we started putting her to bed at about 9pm (after a v long feed). Now at 22 weeks she goes to bed between 8 and 8.30.

Nearly all babies up to about 12 weeks are awake in the evening and frequently cluster feeding as well. It passes, but please don't leave your baby to cry - this behaviour is perfectly normal. She clearly wants to be held, so hold her - small babies are very sensible and know what they need.

Our ds did that until he was about 16 weeks ish and we just co slept with him. Generally we'd start off with him falling asleep on one of us then gently roll him onto the bed. We eventually got a little co sleeper thing you put in your bed that has sides as I was worried about crushing him!! Really helped us through those first few sleepless months and he transitioned into Moses basket then cot absolutely fine. Agree with others that its normal when they're so little to want to be close to you. Good luck :)

We change her into her pjs and a few times a week give her a bath. Then it's a feed and a bit of a cuddle in a dark room while we watch TV. Then we try to put her in her cot but it will take about 3-4 hours till she sleeps properly (i.e more than 10 minutes at a time).

I'm confused by all the different advice from books, grandparents etc. DP keeps saying that she she is not normal which is upsetting me. Will we be getting her into bad habits if we let her fall asleep on us? Also how important is it to put them to bed at the same time every night?

Neiffer - where did you get the co-sleeper thing for your bed?

Thanks

Your DP is completely wrong. So are the grandparents. At 7 weeks it is perfectly ok to let her sleep on you in the evenings - the transition to putting her to bed in the evening will come after about 12-16 weeks. At this stage she NEEDS to be near you and to cluster feed through the evening. It's far, far better to keep her with you until you go to bed.

It's not remotely important to put her to bed at the same time every night - neurologically she can't actually form memories at this point so she won't 'remember' from one night to the next when she went to bed. She knows when she's ready to sleep and at the moment that clearly isn't till about 9.30 or so. Which is perfectly normal, entirely appropriate and very sensible of her.

op - your DP couldn't be more wrong! She is totally normal - read this

kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussy-evening/

it's very very normal for babies to fuss/ cry seem inconsolable in the evenings for the first three months - they were inside you a short time ago, they need to be close to you and to feed over the evening more than normal, it's how they learn to sleep longer at night.

you won't form bad habits at this stage - as the other poster said, they dont form habits at all until much later - you are going against her natural rhythm trying to make her sleep too early. x

I bought one of these second hand on eBay
item.mobileweb.ebay.co.uk/viewitem?itemId=230894902702
Then stuck in our Moses basket mattress. It did make our double bed feel a lot smaller but I slept sooooo much better knowing I was less unlikely in my sleep deprived state to roll onto him.
Totally agree with the others, I fretted about bad habits etc but since my ds was 7 months old Hes gone to bed in his cot at 7 and wakes at 6:30, pretty much guaranteed. He's now a year old and is very happy sleeping on his own for naps and bedtime. He also settles himself to sleep and as I said, transitioned fine into basket then cot in our room then his room. I think they just have to be ready. I hope you get somewhere and tell your dp he's wrong, your bubbas teeny and used to being near you xxx

Everything Zuleika has said There's no point even trying to get babies into a routine at this age, and loads of babies are fussy in the evenings.

If your baby is okay when she is being held, a sling/soft baby carrier might be the answer? You get to cuddle the baby while having your hands free. DS1 was a fussy, colicky, poorly little baby, and my life changed totally for the better when I got a ring sling when he was about 3 weeks old.

Falling asleep with babies on sofas can be dangerous - it's very much safer to take the baby into bed with you. Here is some information about safe co-sleeping.

This stage does pass, honestly... If you cuddle your DD now, you will never regret the time spent holding her while she is this small.

Neiffer could you try linking again, I would be interested to see what you ate talking about! Thank you!!!

Silly I phone lets try again

item.mobileweb.ebay.co.uk/viewitem?itemId=140889544870

Argggghhh I can't make it hyperlink, does it work if you copy and paste?

I'll have a go...

item.mobileweb.ebay.co.uk/viewitem?itemId=140889544870

Thank you :))

My DS was exactly like this. He used to basically be on my boob in front of the TV from 7-10pm, then he'd fall asleep and we'd put him to bed. If we didn't do that, he would cry all evening. All of a sudden at about 12 weeks he started falling asleep really early, so we started doing a proper bedtime routine - he's now 16 weeks, and goes to bed without fail at 7.30pm with no fussing, usually feeds at 1ish and 4ish then sleeps until 8am.

I think a lot if babies are like this - my niece used to go to bed at around 1 am at that age, but then she would be happy to stay in bed until 10am (obviously she woke to feed in that time). I know it doesn't help with exhaustion but just remember that it will pass, and maybe sooner than you think. You can't spoil them at this age, so just give her what she needs.

It was the same story here at that stage. Do NOT worry about forming bad habits and do not listen to anyone who mentions rods for your own back. Babies that young are too little to go to bed on their own for a 12 hour night. They barely know the difference between day and night and they still need lots of comfort and reassurance.

What worked best for us at that stage (it wasn't great as DS was and still is a nightmare sleeper) was to feed him to sleep in the evening and he took it in turns sleeping on one of us till we went up to bed at 10. Due to the colic he would often wake up and need resettling in that time, but he was much better sleeping on a person in the evening or in a sling than in his moses basket.

If you are really exhausted and afraid of falling asleep on the sofa could she not sleep on daddy while you get a couple of hours kip? If necessary, it is much safer to take baby to bed with you if she won't settle for anyone else. Get a bed guard and put the baby next to the bed guard rather than between the two of you in the bed. Dress warm and tuck the duvet underneath you at waist level so it can't get on top of her.

The whole bedtime routine thing for us was fairly useless in the early months especially during the colic period. We started doing it more from about 4 months onwards and even then it was slow progress.

Same for me at that age too, just sat on the settee and fed all evening. You will not set up bad habits at all. Both of mine are happy and secure, sleep well and regularly ask to go to bed.