controlled crying help

[moonshaddow]

Sorry girls but I just need to offload and this seems to me to be the safest place...

ds2 is 6 months today, the longest he has ever slept is four hours and that was last night after I did the whole controlled crying thing. It was worse than I could have imagined (for me) but joseph woke up just before 7am cooing and smiling and has been happy until I put him down for a nap 25 mins ago.

He is crying now and I am going in every 5 mins to reasure him. All morning I have been thinking that this has been the answer to my prayers but as soon as he started crying again it feels like a mistake.

I don't know what to do. I know I can't carry on cuddling him and feeding him every 2 hours overnight because baby and I have both got big bags under our eyes and dh has been in the spare room since he was born.

If anyone has got any experience of the dreaded cc then please share!
I'm feeling pretty desperate.

I'm sure this is bad timing for me because I have had three funerals in eight weeks, my darling uncle, my wonderful grandad and my sweet great-nanny died and I have had zero support from my husband because his business is crazy busy and so has no choice.
I just can't carry on without sleep.
tia, sorry to be so depressing.

Sympathy emanations. My ds2 was very much the same, he is one now and still wakes almost every night. Thankfully it's only once now. I do understand how distressing cc is but it supposedly takes 3 days and then you're home free.
I talked with my hv who suggested concentrating on the time i most disliked being up and then working my way through other feeds as i felt up to it. Initially i tackled the 10pm feed, then the 2am etc. It felt better to me not to just deprive him of all his feeds at once. Never did manage to get rid of 4am though!

My only advice is to nap in the day with your son if at all possible and remeber that it won't last forever. Also demand a break from your husband however busy he is. Good luck.

sorry to hear you're having a tough time. it will get better. we did cc when ds was about 6mo and the only thing i would say is to be consistent - it will only work if you do it every time, otherwise your ds will get confused. when you go in, don't make eye contact or talk to him. i think i just did shh-pat from memory. good luck!

Sorry to hear you've had such a hard time. We had a pretty bad time - My son & I were in hospital for 2 weeks after he was born and then my mil died when my son was 4 weeks old, so my husband was away sorting everything out for a few weeks. I then nearly died when he was 6 months old. My son was still not sleeping through the night. I felt alone as all the babies in my antenatal group were sleeping through by 8 weeks (all formula fed). Things got to near breaking point. My HV advised controlled crying. The 1st night he cried several times for up to an hour and a half each time. Once we had to give in and gave milk. He starting sleeping through after abut 3 nights. But unfortunately has been ill for 7 months so hasn't been sleeping through again. Although now he tends to only be awake for a few minutes.

The only advice about CC would be that if you persist then you start to recognise the times he really needs milk and when he will eventually fall back to sleep on his own. The other advice I was given is that you can't do CC is they are ill. And they have to be 6 months old.

We also started using a dummy which has been a god-send. Really comforts him when he has been ill.

When I was seriously ill at 6 months I had to stop breastfeeding. This also massively improved his sleeping. I also realised how exhausted it was making me as he was drinking 1 litre of milk a day.

When my son has ill I co-slept with him for months on end. So even when I was up every 30 minutes all night it didn't seem quite as bad.

I don't think there is any easy solution and it is hit and miss. Good luck.

hi again,

thanks so much for all the advice and encouragement, it has been my savior I think!

well..

He was better last night, didn't cry for as long and was more shouty than crying. He did however wake a lot more frequently -5 times but just to shout for 5 mins.

This minute It feels like the right thing to do but as soon as he crys I feel sick and awful.

The baby wisperer suggests settleing baby with cuddles each time rather than just a pat and a shhh, someone has suggested this to me just today and it sounds to be such a nicer option but if I switched to that now do you think it would confuse him?

All day yesterday he took all of his milk which is a big change, what I am now hoping for is to be able to build up enough of a supply (while we are all sleeping peacefully..) to be able to give him just breast for his first feed.

(I would really love to be able to go back to full time breast but don't know if this is possible? -although wouldn't even consider it without blessed sleep!!)

Thanks so much again for the support, looking forward to posting some real success news:)

Not an expert, but I would try and bear a few more nights of CC. If it's just too painful for you or not working then try cuddling. My HV said it was fine to leave them to cry for about 20 minutes, so even though it was difficult to listen to the crying I knew he would be OK.

Do you think that because you're so exhausted you're not producing enough milk? I was told by my HV to ensure I rested throughout the day to help my milk supply.

Can your husband not do 1 night? I know you say his business is busy, but surely 1 night wouldn't hurt him, considering the situation you are now in.

I think you can increase milk supply by allowing the baby to suck for longer and more often if you are mixed feeding and wanting to go back to full b/f.

Am on holiday for the weekend, but let me know how it goes.

You have my sympathy. I have just been through the cc thing with my granddaughter as her mum has left home leaving DGD and DGS with me. My granddaughter is 4 1/2 months, she previously slept with her mum and was breastfed; and I knew that without getting her to sleep on her own in her cot I wouldnt be able to cope. It was tough at first, because I was like you, I felt tearful. Im all hormonal because I maybe starting the change and just started hrt, plus daughter left home abandoning her babies the circumstances surrounding this arent good.

I went in every 5 minutes and actually picked up and patted because just pat and shush didnt work. It took a few nights but she cried less each night. She has a cold now and has been a little more difficult for the past couple of nights, but stick with it, you are doing it for your baby really, because you cant be a good mum if you are exhausted. And go and kick that husbands butt!

oh Peaches 27, your circumstances are so difficult, hope you're ok.

We have just finished doing controlled crying with our 9 month old. It's been a bit inconsistent because sometimes she falls asleep on her bottle, then we don't have to do it.

It took us about four days to crack it. I agree that consistency is key, so we got our childminder on board and they did the same, which really helped.

The only thing I can add is that it's important to increase the number of minutes you leave the room for. We tried this a few different ways, but we got the best results by going in after one minute, then two, then three, then four and six, eight, ten and so on. We didn't pick her up, but we do have to lie her down as she's standing in her cot.

At first it was taking us over an hour but now we have it down to about five minutes for bedtime and maybe a bit longer for daytime naps

I think we've cracked it!

was about to switch tactics to the baby wisperer, and he went down to bed in his cot sleepy but chatty, we had long cuddles and lots of kisses, I put him down and he looked at me and shut his eyes!!!

I left the room and he made a few noises and went to sleep! I still cryed -but this time through sheer joy and releif!!

Through the night he woke twice to make a few noises for no more than a minute but then went straight back to sleep, he woke at 6.45 for a big booby feed!! and just now he went down for his nap just as happily.

I am completely stunned and amazed, and he is definatly less tired already. I'm sure we aren't completely there yet but long may it last....

Will show dh all of the comments, hopefully will be enough -he's under a lot of pressure and can be super sensitive if I suggest he give me support... (he will be back with us soon, I'm confident of that)- but having support from here has let him off the hook and saved a few arguments.

Peaches I'm so sorry, how very amazing of you to take the place of your dd/ddil? and care for such a tiny baby and another child, how are you coping? you must be more than a bit special.

Thank you all again for your wonderful support xx

It's just awful, isn't it? I gave up until DS was 1 and he seemed to take to it much easier then. But yes consistency is the key - and lots of love and cuddles, for both of you.

Glad you've managed to crack it moonshaddow.

I waited until my dd was 1 to try controlled crying too. It was really tough but worked after about four nights. That first night seemed to last forever and I felt so guilty. My dd has now slept throught the night for 5 months and I just feel so much better. She seems a lot happier too.