strangers keep touching my child!! - abroad.

[natkingcold]

Hi there. I am in india at the moment with my 2 yo and baby. Problem is the different culture and that people keep touching my 2yo and picking him up. It is upsetting him a lot, and us parents too.

Example at weekend we went to a restaurant at the hotel on entry a waiter just picked him up as we were walking to our table. Ds looked horrified and shouted "mum" so I turned and took him off the waiter. Then another waiter picked him up to put him in the highchair - ok we'd have preferred not but would let that one go. Then later ds when to get a new napkin from a pile (he likes to be independent in these sort of things) the same waiter as when we went in rushed up to him. Ds ran away, the waiter chased him and picked him up horizontally. Poor ds was crying by this point. I rushed up and got ds back but the poor boy was in hysterics by this point and took a while to calm him down. I told the waiter not to touch him and hopefully he understood how annoyed I was.

My boy is only just 2 (November birthday) and not that much of a talker. At the hotel some of the staff know his name and say hello and if ds doesn't respond they shout his name louder - demanding he responds. We have only been here a week so not like we really know these people at all. btw ds does say hello and wave a lot of the time, just not all the time.

There is also loads of tapping him on the head and grabbing his cheeks. Ds getting really down about it and saying only wants mum, dad and granny to pick him up. I feel so sorry for him as in the uk he was perfectly usual in terms of how he responded to other adults - allowing e.g.. nursery staff he knew to touch him etc, but shy with other adults.

I think I need to be really firm and say to people - "don't touch him" as ds getting so upset. And tell people to leave him alone, but I am finding the whole situation really stressful and upset that it's upsetting ds and I am not adequately protecting him.

Sorry this is so long, I suppose some people think I might be being precious but really I have not had problems in uk just in india I guess because the culture is different.

It's tricky. When we were in Thailand, my then 10 month old ds was picked up and carted off to the other side of the restaurants all the time. He's very relaxed but your poor ds sounds a bit stressed by all the attention.

Stand with him all the time and just say to people, "I'm sorry but he doesn't like being picked up." Tricky though it has to be said.

How long will you be in India for?

We will be here for 2 months in total and have only done a week so far. I will need to toughen up - it's just so hard as it seems rude to tell people to leave him alone but he is getting upset. Have been to india lots of times before and have been semi-harrassed by men a lot but mainly in rougher places, never thought ds would have problems in a posh hotel!

It is really hard, we have lived overseas and the culture gap often seems to hit the kids hardest. It would be pretty offensive though to tell people not to touch him.
Can you get him to play a game with hotel staff, see if he can smile and wave before they say his name second time? (waving being easier than saying hello) As far as possible put him on the side away from people, or hold him so he is reassured by your hold.
Is he blonde? I know my brother used to get mobbed because he was white blonde. If so, put a hat on him when you go out so he is less obvious.
Make excuses like he is shy, he is tired, he is not used to so many people, we live in aquiet town at home, and so on, rather than Don't Touch.
And plan your day, so he has down time.
Picking up is the one that my dcs hated, particularly at this age, they were independent and wanted to walk and locals thouht it was more loving to pick them up and carry then. Cue screaming toddler, for which the local answer was pick them up and cuddle them....

It's not offensive to ask them to leave him alone and there's no reason you and your DS should have to put up with it - just tell them he doesn't want to be picked up and Don't Let Them.