Dd - very fussy eater and NEVER hungry, anyone else?

[Dancergirl]

Bit of background - dd2 is nearly 10 and has always been a poor eater, even at the baby stage. After quite a lot of worry on my part over the years, I realised it wasn't doing any good so I laid off a bit and just hoped she d would get better with age.

I do TRY and not get stressed, make mealtimes a battleground etc but it's very hard to see her pick at a meal I've made. She eats tiny bites and takes forever. I know the rules - don't fuss, don't make an alternative, she'll eat when she's hungry etc. But she never GETS hungry. I asked her today if she's hungry for her lunch at school - no. Hungry at breakfast? No. She eats ok at breakfast but she's not interested in food.

Amazingly she is actually a bit overweight for her height and I don't know how this has happened. She does like the sweet stuff, chocolate etc but I do limit what she eats, it's not as if she's gorging on rubbish.

But my main concern is that she eats a bit better. It makes making a family meal v hard as she says she doesn't like it/isn't hungry or both! Could it be an attention thing and I'm making matters worse by giving it too much attention? I think I've got into the habit of nagging her but its so infuriating. She puts her cutlery down between each mouthful and I find that really annoying.

So what's the best way to deal with it? I know part of it is that she is actually bored with her repertoire of food but is still reluctant to try anything new.

If she's a little overweight and never hungry then could she be snacking? She could be getting sweets or crisps at school perhaps? Is she allowed any snacks at the weekend? Does she eat better at the weekend or when you're on holiday and you can see everything that she eats? Are you allowing her any snacks? Things like cereal bars are quite filling but high in refined sugar. Also sugary drinks could do the same. I was a nightmare eater as a child so I sympathise but it might be worth thinking about when she eats better and what it is that's different.

If she's eating between means she might not be hungry at meal times.

I have a friend who makes her family lovely meals and her ds never eats them. She gets upset and frustrated (later, not when he's there) and is worried about his health.

However she feeds him all of the time. Biscuits and the like. It's a vicious circle really as she's so glad he's eating something she is providing food all the time.

My instinct would be to cut out everything that is not a meal. Plan a week of meals together as you don't want her to be miserable.

I was worlds fussiest eater & not at all interested in food, even into my teenage years. It wasn't an attention thing, I just didn't like food

I would only eat the blandest things & now feel so bad for my poor DM who agonised with lovely home cooked food which I would just not eat.

Drove my father mad & really did become a battle of wills. I would sit for hours staring at a plate after everyone had left the room & tidied up around me but for some reason the idea of eating a green bean or roast potato literally horrified me.

Anyway, during teens I just grew out of it & eat totally normally now! Strangely I wasn't iller, etc than others & don't seem to have suffered.
I did like carrots tho, perhaps they're the key!

Only thing I would say is that I was very slim & that did worry my mother. Then whrn i got abit older i discovered that was just me & I could actually eat anything i liked (not anymore damn it!!).
It does seem odd (but actually reassuring) that your DD isn't a skinny minny if she has no access to snacks. Probably she is getting what she needs in that case. Going on my own case (& drs advice to my mother) very few children actually starve to death & generally peer pressure as they grow up makes them eat normally.

She does have snacks but I'm careful that its not too much. After school she might have a small biscuit and an innocent smoothie ( they're probably quite filling though). Or a small bowl of dry cereal.

Do you think I should cut out snacks completely?

I don't think so. My mother used to give us cheese, crackers & apples, or orange wedges, or brown-bread banana sandwiches as snack / tea. Cereals a good one but I guess she's not into fruit & fibre!
Perhaps reserve biscuits for a Saturday afternoon treat etc?

i was allowed 2oz (all my friends were allowed a quarter ) of sweets after school on Friday from local sweet shop as our treat, but my mother monitored them and probably stole some

I do think that some people just aren't interested in food though & it's hard to change that. My DH was similar & now broad 6ft + so I hopefully that helps put your mind at ease!

Could you give her her dinner after school instead and then give her the snack later? Just for a week.

I realise that will mean making two meals as you won't want to eat at 4.30 but it might help you work out if the snacks are filling her up.

Or instead of the snack give her something with less carbohydrate and more protein.

I think that too Holly, that some people aren't interested in food. My six year old sees eating as an inconvenience. It gets in the way of what she is doing.

This might be a complete red herring, but DS1 was like this - a very fussy eater and only ate tiny amounts.

Then we discovered he had coeliac disease. Now that he is on a strict gluten-free diet, he eats a huge range of things and good amounts. I think the inflammation in his intestines was making his insides too uncomfortable to hold much food.

You could have a look at the Coeliac Society website and the range of symptoms just to see if you recognise any others in your DD. Bear in mind that (despite GPs often thinking that you have to be wasting away to have coeliac), 50% of diagnosed coeliacs are overweight at time of diagnosis. And that some coeliacs show no symptoms at all (but are still getting damaged by the gluten).

If you think there's any possibility of this, it's well worth getting a coeliac blood test (available via your GP - if you insist, they will do it). And don't adjust diet at all before the test - if you cut down or reduce gluten, the test may show a false negative (it tests for the antibodies produced by the body in reaction to gluten - not enough gluten = no antibodies, even if you're coeliac).

The world is divided into those who live to eat and those who eat to live...we have two of the latter.

If your DD's just picking at her meals though I would cut out any high calorie, low nutrition snacks....

Actually DS was terrible about eating until he started at school - his repertoire has gradually widened and includes enough of a range of fruit and veggies to get his five a day (usually). DW could never understand it, being someone who loves food herself. Sometimes it it is a mindset though..... They decide they don't like something even without trying it... If you get him in the right mood DS will eat things like snails, mussels and whitebait that a lot of children would just freak out at....

I would say just bide your time and continue not to make an issue of food. We've noticed recently with DS (nearly 12), that he's still hungry in the evening after dinner and gets offered cereals/breadsticks and dip or fruit (if he's still not reached his five a day target). It coincides with going to secondary school, going through a bit of a growth spurt and using his brain a lot more!

DD is very, very slim (always has been even as a baby - she never ever had a chubby phase), eats enough (and a wide range of foodstuffs) but never over-eats. She has my physique and will never be either a big eater or be anything other than lithe.

I think we can all be guilty of thinking that our DCs have to eat so much a day but I'm pretty sure that a lot of them continue to thrive on considerably less than we deem to be sufficient.

I would personally only be worried if your DD suddenly appeared a lot less well on her intake of food or lost/gained a considerable amount of weight.

It sounds to me as if it could be a control issue with your DD and maybe you just need to back right off and refuse to engage in her fussiness.... Easier said than done I know but....

It's a difficult one though...

I was always very fussy and am eternally grateful that my mum never made it an issue.

I would eat at every meal, but never very much and not a huge range.

I genuinely never felt hungry, despite being very active. And as eating gave me no pleasure whatsoever except for a specific brand of chocolate I didn't eat anything that I didn't love, hence the restricted range of foods I ate!

So, I would happily eat homemade lasagne. But not if my mum changed the recipe slightly so I didn't like it so much. In that case I would happily not eat anything.

I didn't like pudding so could never be bribed with that (as an aside, bribing me with food to do things like jump off the top diving board never worked either!)

As I got older and my parents got fed up of eating the same stuff all the time, I did start to get a choice between, say eating the rissotto my mum made or cooking my own sausage and mash. So I learnt to cook quite early

"Luckily" for my parents I was just as fussy, if not fussier about junk food. So I didn't ask for fizzy drinks, sweets or burgers/pizza etc. instead of 'real' food.

But I did get better as I got older. Once I accepted that I didn't have to love a meal in order to eat it (mainly leant when I was at uni and someone else cooked for me). I've got better at trying different things and have found some that I like, although there are still certains foods which I think are devil food mushrooms shudder

I've even tried things that my parents balk at!

Thanks for all your replies.

bedhopper that's an interesting point about coeliac. I had a quick look at the symptoms and some of them apply with dd. She DOES get quite frequent tummy aches (no diarrhea though) which have been investigated in the past. Don't think they checked for coeliac though. And she's short for her age.

I really hope for the life of me that she hasn't though - she lives on pasta!

Dancergirl - I would DEFINITELY get her tested - DS didn't have diarrhoea either - it's a myth that all coeliacs get it.

If she did turn out to be coeliac, you would be saving her a lot of future ill-health. And she'd be just in time to catch the pre-pubescent growth spurt too (it really helps to catch coeliac before puberty) if it's malabsorption that's preventing her from growing.

Don't worry about the pasta - plenty of yummy gluten-free pasta about. Interestingly, a lot of coeliacs report being 'addicted' to gluten-containing food before diagnosis and eating lots of the food that's doing them harm - after a couple of months of gluten-free, they don't crave them any more. (Something to do with the body's reaction to food that hurts it stimulating the brain to mistakenly want it...)

Tell your GP you want a coeliac blood test (and insist if s/he is reluctant - here are the guidelines publications.nice.org.uk/coeliac-disease-cg86/guidance that GPs should follow when deciding whether to test. Ask for a full blood count as well, to test for anaemia (very common with coeliac).

Coeliac is terribly under-diagnosed (only 10-15% of coeliacs are diagnosed) and it is absolutely transformational to quality of life when you sort it out.

If she's not coeliac, then it will only have been a very quick blood test (they do it with magic cream for children so they don't feel the needle) and well worth it.

Thank you, yes I suppose it is worth getting her tested. I'm not good with needles, how much blood do they need?

Only a small amount. You don't need to see the needle - they do it behind the child's back, while you keep them distracted with a book or something.