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Original poster

Does your 14month respond to no?

19 replies

1500mmania · 08/12/2012 19:58

My DS used to.. . I have a 'big bad no' voice which used to stop him dead in his tracks but now he just looks at me smiles and does whatever offending behaviour it is again.

What should I do, is it a phase. He is currently very active & wilful. Now if he is doing something which he knows he shouldn't I say no, repeat again in the NO voice and if he carries on doing it take him away from whatever he does (which starts a massive tantrum) and then distract him with something.

Does that sound reasonable? Spoke to my mum tonight who seemed horrified that he keeps on doing thing which I tell him not to. I don't think I'm particularly wimpy with him but she kept on saying 'tough love'. I just don't want to spend all my time shouting it him.

Tell your experience & any hints or tips massively appreciated!

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parsnipcake · 08/12/2012 20:08

If I say no to my 11 month old he shakes his head, waggled his finger at me and giggles until he falls over. I think it's normal. I tend to ignore/ block or change the situation rather than give him opportunity to hurt/ break things at the moment because he doesn't understand it as any more than a game. Try reframing it - wilful is simply the beginning of having an opinion rather than being passive.

TreeDecoratingAndPresents · 08/12/2012 20:15

Your 14mo sounds exactly like mine. If I find an answer to the 'no' thing, I'll let you know. No luck as yet though

AntoinetteCosway · 08/12/2012 20:16

DD is also 14mo. She does respond when I say no, but she gets really cross and cries. She just doesn't seem to have any patience at all! I'm hoping it's a phase...

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BurnThisDiscoDown · 08/12/2012 20:17

My 16 month old DS does exactly the same! I usually try to distract him instead. My friend keeps saying "just be firm!", as if it's that easy! Her DS responds to no, but he's a bit more placid than my little monster!

Iggly · 08/12/2012 20:18

Your mum has a clouded memory. She can't remember what a walking baby, which is what a 14 month old really is.

You have to distract at this age. No is pointless.

ceeveebee · 08/12/2012 20:19

My 13 mo twins respond to no sometimes but not if its something they really want to touch eg the TV screen. Dd turns to me and gives me a thumbs up and carries on with what she's doing.

AllThreeWays · 08/12/2012 20:27

Sounds just like my DS who is also 14 months.
What is tough love? Sounds like your DM wants you to smack him!
Mine also has a screaming tantrum when removed.
Just a phase..I hope. You are doing what I do, and I think it is fine, except the big voice, I make sure he has heard me, but try (and fail) not to raise my voice.

HaphazardTophat · 08/12/2012 20:28

This brings back memories, both my DS's went through the ignoring no phase. They do start listening again as they get older and you can reason with them, but then they expect you to justify every time you say no, cue the 'why's'.

Then on the plus side I've heard when they hit 14 years they start ignoring when you say no all over again. Must be a cyclical thing :)

Nothingontvat3am · 08/12/2012 20:29

my 15 month old generally smiles, waggles her finger and say uh uh. Unless its something she's enjoying then she scowls or cries. Distract distract distract.

diyqueen · 08/12/2012 23:25

It depends on your dc's level of understanding, but I had some success with dd at that age by saying stuff like 'please give that to mummy' or 'shut the cupboard door'. Helped avoid some tantrums. I'm sure she sometimes did things just to see if she'd get the expected 'no', it was a bit of a game but an annoying one!

Tincletoes · 08/12/2012 23:34

Yes my DD does. It's a constant source of amazement to me and her dad as her brothers never did! However at 3 and 5 they are (usually) pretty good so don't worry too much about having a delinquent just yet.

JacqueslePeacock · 08/12/2012 23:41

Are you me?! I was just wondering this today. My 14mo DS used to be very cooperative if I used the serious 'no' voice. Now he responds with 'ha ha ha ha ha ha ha' and does whatever it was again, giving me cheeky sideways glances all the while. It's maddening. I was starting to wonder if it was just us, so I'm very glad to have read your post. I do hope they grow out of it.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 08/12/2012 23:49

If it's something that doesn't happen often if I say 'Good boy/girl, you shut the door, great. Here have a xxx' - distracting them often works OK. If not, move onto a firm 'No', failing that a 'bottom plonk' .

If it's something that they actually know they shouldn't be doing - like bashing the TV screen, then saying 'No' firmly once sometimes works, when it doesn't I lift them up from behind (so not in a cuddly way) and plonk them on their bottom in the middle of the room, with an 'I said NO'. I don't find I have to do this often and it's effective.

Good Luck.

LDNmummy · 08/12/2012 23:56

Its normal for my 14 month old DD to react differently each time. This evening DH and I said no to her and she got upset and cried. I think it was because we both said it instead of just me though. Sometimes she will laugh, sometimes she will even babble a protest and wag her finger at me instead, sometimes she will shake her head which she knows means no as well and sometimes she just laughs and carries on with whatever she was doing. In fact, she tends to carry on with whatever she was doing in all of these situations except when she cries because she knows she is in trouble.

She definitely knows I am saying no for a reason as she will react to signify it, but she seems to just not take me that seriously until I remove her from where she is or take whatever it is away from her.

I don't take it too seriously. Aren't they still too young to be disciplined in a way that implies they have a real understanding of what is happening?

LDNmummy · 09/12/2012 00:01

Ah I just read the comment about tough love and think that 14 months is too young for taking a tough love approach.

blackcurrants · 09/12/2012 00:03

DS didn't! Not a chance! He's extremely high-energy and hard to distract. As he got closer to 2 (say, 20 months) we started to do the 1-2-3 Magic stuff (worth borrowing the book from the library, though your DD is too young) and it works.

Distract, babyproof, remove her from the situation - but 'no' on it's own doesn't work, because she's learning what she can and can't manage as an independent being, and the independence is too intoxicating!

I had a friend's baby who would stop at every 'no!' - I was in awe. He is just a calmer, more timid chap than mine - different characteristics really. There's little point 'teaching her a lesson' or 'deploying tough love' at this age - time-outs, and shouting - didn't really register with DS, he was too intent on whatever he was doing. Now (28 months) he does understand (and even listen to!) No. But not at 14 months. Too strong willed. and just like his mother

BertieBotts · 09/12/2012 00:07

You do have to back it up with an action, either removing or distracting or whatever, IME.

Robot children who do exactly as they're told might be handy for parents, but they're a nightmare when peer pressure kicks in later on - if that's any comfort at all

Penelope1980 · 10/12/2012 08:08

my 14 m/o isn't terribly good at 'no' either and has started the tantrums too. They only thing that works but not always seems to be distraction

matana · 10/12/2012 13:36

My 2yo barely responds to no... at 14 mo i was doing something similar to you. If you reserve your harshest voice for the things he does that are either dangerous or hurtful he'll understand earlier that mummy/ daddy only raise their voice when it's something really, really important. Even now i rarely raise my voice - but he stops pretty quickly when i shout "NO!!" just as he's about to either a/ climb on top of the cat or b/ stick his tongue in a socket.

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