Feeling like a crap mum

[1500mmania]

DS is 14 months old and obviously absolutely gorgeous! I went back to work part time at 11 months and full time from 13 months although my DH has at least one day off midweek with him. The rest of the time he is at the childminders.

It just seems like we are going through a really difficult phase with him. He is either really clingy and crying wanting to be picked up or off doing something (usually something he is not allowed like playing with shutters/ or something dangerous) which we have to stop and then he has another tantrum. Even changing his nappy causes mass hysteria. It just feels like everything is a complete battle (esp this morning) and that all he does is cry.

Anyway I drop him off at the childminders and they say they have never had a baby who cries so little and seems so happy all of the time. They start sitting babies on the potty from 1yr at the childminders and apparently he will sit on the potty good as gold with them but with us there is no chance with us.

I'm just feeling crap, like he is really playing up for his parents and that I'm not handling it very well. Any general parenting advice on how to manage this.

(Just please no suggestions about stopping work because it is not an option, I'm main breadwinner and have a career that I do love)

No real help but you'd most likely feel like a crap mum sometimes even if you did give up work. I'm a SAHM and feeling this way about my 22 month old this morning, but (and I need to remind myself this today) nothing you've done causes DC to behave badly, it's not even bad behaviour - they're just learning to adapt to situations with little control, everything you talk about is normal toddler behaviour. Un-MN hugs

They are always good as gold with the childminder/at nursery and terrors at home. It's reassuring, really, that he is secure enough with you not to be Good as Gold at home.

If you have only been full time for a month you will both be adjusting - just keep being patient and loving and it'll be ok.

(I too am a SAHM and I would never in a billion years suggest somebody gave up work to stop feeling like a bad mum or to make their kids behave!!).

Might it be that you feel guilty about going back to work, and thus are seeing/interpreting everything in light of this? It is a difficult transition, but really children have been brought up like this forever. Don't feel guilty if you are happy in your choice of childminder. About telling him that he can't do certain things - I think at this age it works best to distract - let's not play with the blinds, because they might break and we won't be able to make it dark later, but why don't we have a look at what is in the drawer kind of stuff. Also, if he is very clingy at the moment, I would just spend a lot of time that you are with him in bodily contact. Hold him a lot, put him into a sling if you have to do other things, etc., just pay him lots of attention when you are around. You'll all relax into this new situation soon. best of luck.

Thanks - it is reassuring to hear that it is normal toddler behaviour and that we all just need to adjust. Its so easy to beat yourself up as a parent! Anyone got any good book recommendations of how to manage a toddler, I have no family close by and feel like I'm struggling a bit with the new phase.

I'd ignore the potty thing totally for a start. I'm a CM. It's up to parents when to try to potty train children, it's not for me to put them on a potty at 12mo and hope to catch a wee in it!

Other than that, he sounds like a fairly typical little chap. Please don't worry, you're doing a great job

book

This book has been recommended to me. Hang in there OP!