Evil step Mum

[Enchanted]

I am asking advice on behalf of a friend (G) who is off line and at the end of her rope.
G is step mother to her partners two daughter 4 and 7. I understand that the breakup between her partner and the dd's mother was acrimonious. G loves the girls and wants them to stay as much as possible but the girls go home and tell fibs to Mum. One example was dd 7 was on G's knee and started spitting in G's hair, G slid her off her knee. The next day there was a call to dp from his ex saying that the little girl had said that G had thrown her across the room. Mum then says that the girls can't stay anymore until she has to work one night and then changes her mind. dd did say sorry she had lied but then came back down the stairs and said she hadn't lied it had happend. The list is endless but most situations are around G misstreating the girls. She is devistated as she loves the girls so much and would never do anything to hurt them.
DP tells her to ingnore the ex because she is leading the children and trying to cause trouble but G feels that there needs to clarity that theses things have not happend.
Of course she is also very sad that the girls would say such things about her when she trys to be such a good step mum.
The ex has also called G and told her that dp is being unfaithful. G asked her out for coffee so they could get to know each other a bit better, the ex said yes then text dp saying that G is pestering her all the time.
Any suggestions to this very sad problem?

Enchanted - It sounds to me as though the girls are just trying to tell their mum what they think she wants to hear. They may even be feeling guilty for liking G when their mum obviously dislikes her so much.
Obviously I don't know any of the details but is it possible that the ex is causing all this trouble (eg saying that G is harassing her) because she wants attention from her ex-dh (G's dp)
and will do whatever she can to get it? Or is it that she is basically unhappy and hates seeing G's dp getting on with his life?

How awful for her. It sounds absolutely grim, but what is her partner (the girl's father) doing here? I think he should talk to the girls about the breakup and give them permission to be sad and angry and basically tell them that he loves them very much even if they are cross or sad and it's OK for them to feel upset and not to like or feel jealous G even though she thinks they are wonderful and loves them. But also tell them that telling lies is cruel and wrong and makes G and Daddy sad. I think the issue here is that the girls are very upset that their mum and dad aren't together and want to punish their dad and your friend who they see as the cause of their pain (which, even if it wasn't anything do with with G, is real and will last a long time I'm afraid). They will almost certainly be intensely jealous and resentful of G for seeing much more of their dad than they do and probably don't like it that she is always there so they don't get so much (any?) time alone with their dad. They are possibly even hoping that if they do this then daddy and mummy will get back together. It certainly sounds as if they won't be discouraged by the ex wife and I don't think G can really talk to them. I think it has to be the dad. However, if G can say to them that she also thinks it's OK for the girls to be sad and not to like her very much sometimes, that she loves them and hopes they will be friends, that might also help. If G wants to 'clarify things' then I also think that this is her partner's job. Bitter ex wives rarely want to chat to new partners IME! I think in this case the less contact between G and the ex wife the better. She should IMO keep her head down until this blows over a bit. I would also suggest that the girls have lots and lots of one on one contact with their dad without G present. No matter how much she loves them, they don't love her (yet) and they will be desperate to be with their dad - he could take them to see a movie and G can do something else. Or G could just go shopping for the day and catch up with them for supper. I don't think it helps (and I am a stepmother myself with, I think, a good relationship with my stepdaughter) but I still go out of my way to ensure my stepdaughter has time with just her dad. They love their movie dates together. At the moment while things are still raw (you don't say but it sounds as if this breakup and new relationship) is fairly recent, it would help to be around less when the girls are there. That way she can't be accused of anything either. In time I am sure things will improve.