At a loss with DD(7) and her behaviour.

[Ixia]

Really struggling with DD's attitude and behaviour. She flies of the handle really easily, any attempt to discipline her results in appalling tantrums. We can't use the naughty step any more as we have to physically place her there and she will scratch and hit in retaliation, ditto sending her to her room. Ignoring and walking away from her tantrums means she will just follow me and hit me.

We've no idea how to deal with this. She can be lovely and is doing well at school. We did move house and school in September, but she always has had a temper, so I don't think it has been triggered by this. She's an only child and needs constant attention, constantly needs to be doing things and has a lot of energy to burn off. I think she may be tired but she's always struggled with sleep as she seems to see it as wasting the time that she could be doing things.

Didn't want to read and run, I have a toddler so can't really chip in with any advice. But sounds like you've a very bright little girl xx

The changes have probably had a deeper impact than you think. If your dd is anything like my ds and it sounds like she is then she probably doesn't handle new situations very well. No good advice really as we're constantly struggling with ds1 and his volatile moods. On a good day i find the book
' raising your spirited child' helpful and inspiring...on a bad day i want to throw it and him out of the window.

I also have a 7 year old only dd.

Is this a recent thing or has she always been like this?

Just to establish whether this could be related to the changes she's had or not.

Mine can get grumpy and argumentative if she's had a bad day at school e.g. fallen out with a friend or not had anybody to play with. Usually if we have a cuddle and do something nice it all comes pouring out. Sometimes I think it's just hard for them because they are within such tight behaviour boundaries at school and they just need to let off steam when they get home.

The tactics we use are to withdraw privileges - e.g. a friend coming round or missing a party. We use a sort of earn your pocket money system - where she gets more if she's been good. In the past if she was really really bad, I've just opened the back door and put her outside until she was ready to say sorry. But I can't remember doing that for a good few years now.

Difficult to say really, but it sounds awful for you. I think it's significant that she can control herself at school but not at home.

Mine doesn't sleep well either but has done better since we got a sort of children's meditation cd for her. It's stories with relaxation elements to it. Maybe try to tackle the sleep thing first and see what happens?

Thanks for the replies, my phone won't let me reply at the moment, goodness knows why, so it's taken me a while to get back to this.

Yes, she's always been a bit this way, screamed and screamed as a baby. But she's bigger now and stronger so there's no way I can make her go to her room etc. I have thought about sticking her outside the front door to cool down, but she would create like crazy and our neighbour's a policeman, so it wouldn't go down well!

We've tried removing privileges, but the behaviour that results from it is worse than the behaviour that she is being punished for. If we dock her pocket money, then we have epic tantrums not only at the time, but on the Saturday when she gets (or doesn't get) her pocket money.

Mamaduckbone - thanks for the book recommendation, I've downloaded a sample and will probably splash out on the full version. She is a worrier and I've tried to acknowledge her worries (a la 'how to talk to your kids'), but in discussing them she just gets more and more entrenched.

We haven't had any tantrums for a couple of days, I've been trying to be more patient with her, which is helping. But I can't keep avoiding things that will set her off . For instance she.will.not.tidy.up not ever, it always becomes a huge battle of wills and ends up not being done.

I have 5yo ds who sounds similar although not to that level. Would be interested in the book and also the CD (we can't get him to sleep before 10.30 as he says he 'has other things to do') Have tried everything else! He currently has cds with stories on at present blanks can you tell me the name of the cd? thanks

I know it is easier said than done but you must stick by what you say. You have said that the behaviour for the loss of pocket money is worse than the initial bad behaviour, well of course she knows if she creates, she will break you and get what she wants.

By no means do i think it is easy to be consistant, ITS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS BUT THAT REALLY IS THE ONLY WAY TO CHANGE HER BEHAVIOUR. sorry for caps.

My DD is 5 and when she is rude or selfish I will tell her we are not going to (something she wanted to do/somewhere she wanted to go). She usually stops as she knows I mean it. Sticker charts do work well too but not sure if your DD is a little old for that?

Good luck.