Is it fairly normal to feel this knacked and drained in this situation?

[knackeredoutmum]

I am permanently deeply tired, I wake up tired. Maybe once a fortnight I cannot stay awake and have no choice but to go back to bed in the afternoon for an hour. My body feels sluggish and wont obey me. I currently have an extremely short temper and just to get the kids ready to go out somewhere sends me into a spin. A 2 hour outing and I am knackered and usually very bad tempered.

Pre-kids I would need 8 hours of sleep a night to be good and normal. For the last 3 years I average about 5 to 6 hours every night, and a rare maximum of 7hrs. In fact I have probably had 8 hours sleep just a handful of times in over 10 years.

I never ever have an unbroken nights sleep, I wake up or get disturbed at least twice (sometimes 4 or 5 times).

I have 3 children at home who you might say were "high maintenance" . They require a lot of attention and energy, and the behavioural issues we are facing are very very wearing and demoralising.

I take multivitimins, hardly get any exercise, eat fairly well, no iron, sugar or thyroid issues. Just started St Johns Wort a few weeks ago but not made any difference so far.

I have had worrying and stressful health concerns with numerous hospital visits over the last 12 months but that finished a few months ago and I now have the all clear. Marital problems have worsened over the years and are worse over the last 6 months than they have ever been - husband is completely unsupportive and uninterested in anything in my life, we never talk about anything, mostly he just ignores me.

Any ideas of how to get on top of this feeling of exhaustion?

Do you think its fairly normal to feel like I do in this situation, especially the sleep deprivation?

Wow, there is a lot of stress in your life. How old are your DCs?
I really often have a two hour sleep at the weekend but then your DH sounds like a total fuckarse who would probably make it difficult for that to happen.

I think you need a little break to collect yourself and try and get some desperately needed sleep. I have a spare room

Seriously though, you can't maintain this kind of tiredness. What would happen if you told your DH how you are feeling, and MADE him listen?

He will have the two night wakers for the night once a week, but this just isnt making a dent on my tiredness as some nights I wake up for no reason/toilet/turning over etc so chances are the night he has the kids is the night I wake up anyway. He also takes them all out for 2 hours on the weekend, sometimes twice a weekend.

Also, and I am maybe not helping myself much, because my life is very full on in the day, I really want some time to myself in the evening. But nothing is ever enough for me. If I get all the kids in bed for say 8.30pm (half the time it is 8.30 and half the time 9.30pm or so) I will finish tidying round til 9.00 then sit on the computer for an hour, watch one tv program, read for 30 minutes and its already 11.30, then be asleep for maybe midnight if Im lucky.

Obviously much worse on a day when toddler goes to sleep late as I stay up later (stupid woman emoticon)

I feel like I want a week off, not a night or 2 hours.

Do other Mums feel like they need such a break to refresh in the evening, or do you get as much as you need from an hour after the kids go up?

I just think I'm more tired than I should be, or more tired than everyone else I know, that's why I'm asking here really - how tired is normal if your life is anything like mine? Perhaps I am expecting too much of myself, but Im tired all the time

I am tired a lot, but not bone weary tired. 8.30 is quite late for DC's to stay up, how old are they? My four yr old is in bed at seven, ten yr old up between half seven and eight but reads for a bit. I need time without them in the evenings!

Is there anyway you can reduce what you do in the day?

I would get similar amounts of sleep (DS with ASD), but I have to say I don't feel as bad as you describe. Maybe there are some health issues underlying? I'm not saying I'm a hyper Duracell bunny or anything, but I don't feel tired during the day, and am able to look after DC's, walk the dog, etc

I must say I feel better since changing to a low-carb diet about 9 months ago. I think sugar highs and lows made me feel a lot worse.

The reason it sometimes gets so late is I have a very inquisitive toddler who gets tired in the day. So I sometimes let him nap in the day so I can get some other stuff done. But if I do this he will stay up til 9.30.

Maybe I could plan just 2 or 3 fixed days of the week when toddler naps, then I would only have 2 or 3 very late bedtimes?

The other issue with bedtimes I suppose is I have one child who is scared of being alone to go to sleep so I stay with him and toddler til they fall asleep. Which makes my day feel longer.

Saying that there is only a very short bedtime routine really as I am in a rush to pack them off! Maybe it would be worth spending a bit longer on this so they settle more quickly?

Iateskinny, how much sleep did you need before ASD DS?

I feel exactly the same, very similar circumstances as well with 3 very noisy and full on dc's all day every day. My body has gone for 5yrs without decent sleep so it's going to take a long time to recover! I am my own worst enemy and stay up far too late doing housework as well. The main difference for me is I am exercising 3 times a week.

Ahhh it's hard to stick them in bed and then run off, you are being lovely by helping them settle! Could your little one go to a nursery one or two mornings a week to give you a break? Depending on how old they are, they may qualify for the free childcare?

Having a really busy life and having very little sleep with an unsupportive DH, coupled with suspected health conditions I am impressed that you are still standing.
You need to appraise your life and see if you can make any changes, big or small that give you a break, mentally, physically and emotionally.

Sorry if that sounds bossy but we are programmed to kind of get on with it all, cope with everyone's else's issues and nuances and ignore our own. STOP!
Make changes that will help you. I hate this phrase a lot, but you sound like you are lacking in me time.

When did you get your bloods done and what were your ferritin, tsh and b12 levels?

When did you get your bloods done and what were your ferritin, tsh and b12 levels?

Bloods all in last 6 months or so. Thyroid within clinic limits (but on the other hand have been told that it is rising more quickly than might be expected so I have wondered if I have symptoms but levels not bad enough to show yet). Iron levels good, can't rmbr what they were, and my surgery don't routinely test for ferritin. Last test was about 4 yrs ago when they suggested I take iron to boost it up.

Yes I have given myself the same advice about early nights. Maybe I am just run down and haven't got any reserves left.

I suppose I could try a new plan including 2 early nights for say 6 weeks plus some exercise?

OP - the thing that stands out for me is the problems in your relationship - I think even if everything else was okay, you might still feel really tired and unable to cope ....it's the central part of your life and if it is making you feel unsupported it's going to undermine everything else you do. Presumably if it isn't working well you are also going short on some of the important things in life - ie. laughter/ camaraderie during the tough moments etc....

you may be doing so already, but if not - what about counselling for yourself to talk about how that is all making you feel? Could help you get a clearer head - I've had therapy myself and really recommend it for anyone and anything! Especially when life is overwhelming, it is a safe space to order your thoughts - and to find the support that is lacking at home. BCAP have details of people in your area....not always expensive.

re. the sleep - I completely understand why an evening is not enough to recover - you do need a proper chance to recuperate - but sometimes that isn't possible.

Meditation? some relaxation tape before bed, rather than internet? As rumbaba says, a couple of nights with no internet or telly, just bath and bed - especially if those are the nights you get help from your partner....

Your kids go to bed late and you say you rarely get an unbroken night's sleep - not surprised you are shattered!

There we go

Thyroid

There is no reason for it to be rising at all,it's supposed to stay around the same, tsh probably below 2. Sometimes you see a rise with illness, so if you've been in intensive care it would probably be a high tsh. But I'm guessing that's not the case with you

Can you find out what exactly it was and then ask for a rre-test to include antibodies

When your thyroid starts to fail, it can yoyo up and down for a long time before it reaches levels they will treat at, but in the UK you should be treated if you have antibodies once tsh is over, say, 4.5

Ask for ferritin and b12 as well as vit d as those are also often low with thyroid problems

Btw I felt like crap with tsh anywhere over 2.5 and like death when it was over 10. Bet your ferritin is also through the floor (take spatone) and be v interesting to see your b12 (below 500 and you need supplements)

Btw I felt like crap with tsh anywhere over 2.5 and like death when it was over 10. Bet your ferritin is also through the floor (take spatone) and be v interesting to see your b12 (below 500 and you need supplements)

You could be, except that the relationship is trundling along post baby. I am exhausted enough to fall into bed all make up and clothes on after work and asleep till DS wakes up at 6.
It feels like pregnancy exhaustion at 35 weeks. I am not pregnant. Landed up at hospital with chest pains (different story, won't hijack). Have been asked to check for vitamin D deficiency and anaemia. Also have low bp which does not help.

It's normal to be exhausted especially if you are pulling the main weight of a young family. But extraordinary exhaustion needs investigation IMO. Some blood tests..

Take care and have a straight talk with your partner. Some people need to be shaken out of comfort zones and patterns which leave one person overloaded and the other daisy like!

I have a feeling thyroid is considered clinically normal up to maybe 5? And from memory over 7 years ago mine was maybe 3.5 or so? It has been taken again in the last 12 months but I dont know what the result was, maybe I will ring and check but they obviously considered it to be clinically normal as they didnt ring me (I know, it could be 4.9 and they wouldnt do anything)

Supposing ferritin levels or b12 levels are low, would a multi vit with minerals including iron sort this out (I am taking immunace from vitabiotics, but havent been that consistent til the last 2 weeks)?

Thinking about it I once wondered if I was lacking in iodine, and when I took a good multi vit/mineral supplement I perked up a bit.

I am definitely run down as I have had one cold straight after the other for the last 4 months.

I guess 6 weeks of FORCING myself to bed early at least twice a week, plus once a week without the night wakers, plus regular multi vits and exercise is a good plan. Then review if Im not feeling better?

All that sounds a really good idea, certainly won't do any harm. Spatone is v good for iron as well. A good b complex vitamin would be good too

Wrt thyroid, I know they won't treat it, but it is really not normal for it to be 3 or 4, it means you need to keep on testing (and for antibodies) til it goes over range. We are just crap at treating thyroid problems that's all. Symptoms might include tiredness, esp in morning and mid afternoon, being more alert at night, waking at around 4am, light sleep, feeling cold. That sounds like what you are experiencing now. Get another blood test done (not in spring, and do it first thing in the morning)

All that sounds a really good idea, certainly won't do any harm. Spatone is v good for iron as well. A good b complex vitamin would be good too

Wrt thyroid, I know they won't treat it, but it is really not normal for it to be 3 or 4, it means you need to keep on testing (and for antibodies) til it goes over range. We are just crap at treating thyroid problems that's all. Symptoms might include tiredness, esp in morning and mid afternoon, being more alert at night, waking at around 4am, light sleep, feeling cold. That sounds like what you are experiencing now. Get another blood test done (not in spring, and do it first thing in the morning)

So is it the tsh i need to ask about? If its over 2.5 but under 5 is there actually anything I can do about it at home?