DD's friend "It's weird that you don't see your parents getting drunk".

[decena]

My 9 yo daughter told me tonight that her friend thinks it's "weird" that she hasn't seen her parents (ie me and DH) getting drunk. I was a bit taken aback - is it that common for parents to get sloshed in front of their kids?

We are not teetotal, we have a drink when out, wine occasionally when I'm doing a roast and usually a drink on a Sat night but how do I answer my daughter?

I can't tell her that that I think it is more weird that her friends parents seem to get drunk most weekends in the house (well, I could, but wouldn't).

I would like to explain that most people at our age (late 40's) are usually past the stage of getting drunk on the weekends, especially just drinking at home. Any other suggestions?

I don't want my daughter to grow up thinking its the norm, she will have enough peer pressure to drink in a few more years.

I would hate to think our DC had seen us drunk. We drink wine most nights which is no secret to our DC but never get drunk.

You could explain that drinking wine etc in small amounts is seen as very sociable but getting drunk isn't

I agree with QTPie. Explain that it's horrible to lose control of your judgement, and that it can make people aargumentative, make them lose their inhibitions, and, more often than not, make them sick, then the next day feel very ill indeed - what's to like ?

My mum frequently did, and does get "sociably" drunk, I've hated it for forty years and can say it does nothing other than make children feel they have to grow-up too fast.

My mother was an alcoholic, as a child seeing your mum in some right states is not fun I can tell you! It took me until I left home at 18 to twig she was an alcoholic, because when you grow up in an environment like that it becomes your idea of what normal family life is. My mother died last year, I hadn't seen her in 4 years because she refused help and did some pretty horrible things to my sister and I.

I would say your kid is truly lucky to have you as her mum. I have vowed never to get drunk in front of my daughter. I feel huge sympathy for the other child, you wouldn't leave your children with drunk babysitters, imo its irresponsible if both parents are regularly drunk in charge of their children.

I think our DC would probably say the same - we don't generally drink excessively when they are around - certainly not enough to be falling-down drunk. We wait until they are tucked up in bed for that

However, I (and DH) did get drunk a lot before DC - maybe your DD's friends parents didn't get to do that as they had their DC earlier?

And my father was an alcoholic. It was not a good childhood.

It sounds as though your DD's friend's parents behave irresponsibly around her and around alcohol (I don't care whether they're younger than you or not - you don't get drunk in front of 9 year old children).

I would explain that alcohol makes people irresponsible and reckless, and those are not things that parents do when they're taking care of their children.

I wonder if the other girl was trying to show off, saying her parents were party animals or something. Children have very odd ideas about what is cool and sophisticated, so perhaps she's exaggerating about her parents' drinking. Just trying to remember myself at 9, and what I thought was cool about everyone else's parents compared to my boring mum and dad...

Wow. I think i'm a prime candidate for Jeremy Kyle judging by these responses. I often enjoy a drink in the company of my DS and sometimes i even get a little tipsy. Never falling down drunk, but i definitely enjoy a drink. I have even been known to go to the local pub with my DS on a Friday/ Saturday evening for a few.

My dad was an alcoholic too, but it worried me more when he hid it than when he did it socially in front of me. I have seen my mum drunk a handful of times and it has not damaged me.

Things have a habit of sounding self righteous to our children OP. I too would probably just leave it at "i don't like the feeling of being drunk" or something like that.

DD sees her dad drunk a lot, and even 'understands' that his "No I'm not drunk I'm tired" excuse is a load of bollocks (Eyebrows raised and "Yeah, right"). It's not a good think be he doesn't see it.

She never sees me drunk. She talks about me being drunk as "Remember that night we saw your favourite band Mum and you were dancing and everything?" (It was NYE 2 years ago with a Madness Tribute Band!). As far as she is concerned that is the only time I've ever been 'drunk' and even then she only says it because I always say I never dance.

I've been 'tipsy' around her a couple of times, but not so she would notice.

I'd just say "I'm not weird love, I just don't feel like drinking" and if she pushes say "Drinking too much makes me feel sick, so I stop before I get there" and laugh with a "Unless you want me to puke on your shoes raaaah" (It would work with my DD, but then she loves anything we'd find disgusting!)