So stressed out with 2 :(

[albertbartlettrooster]

Hi - not posted before but am in need of some advice - even writing it down might help. Sorry long.....

I have a 2.8 daughter - and a five week old daughter. My eldest as always been quite good and great sleeper, fairly well behaved (nothing out of the ordinary tantrum wise but can be difficult like all toddlers I imagine.) However since I have had the baby she has become increasingly difficult to handle - mainly at night and I am struggling to cope. Our newborn has had some health issues since birth and what with this I really feel like I am not handling things well.

I understand that with the new baby arriving she will be upset but my husband and I (we have no family support at all) have gone out of our way to spend time with her individually, together as a family etc...we have given her lots of love an attention etc...she does lots of activities and attends nursery. I seriously thought things would be settling down a bit by now but she just seems to be getting worse.

Nights are the worse - she has gone from going down like a dream with milk, story and comfort blanket to messing about before she goes down for up to an hour - calling to us, screaming, asking for things. Then in the night she screaming for us and then waking 2/4 times a night - screaming for us to go into her, tantrumming, demanding extra milk (I am ashamed to say that we have given in because we are so desperate to sleep). My newborn is challenging enough but is finally going longer than 2 hour stretches without feeds - but in between I am having to deal with my eldest playing up and screaming. During the day when we have had these tantrums I just ignore her and she settles down quite quickly but in the night what can I do - she is waking up the baby, I feel myself getting angrier and more frustrated and screaming at her which I know isn't helpful and I feel like such a terrible mother.

She doesnt have a dummy - but again (and I know this is a big no no) she does go to bed with a bottle rather than a cup of milk. I know she needs to give this up but I just don't know how to settle her when she wakes without it and am actually scared of having her scream it out because I am so tired and on edge I just dont know if I can do it.

I am just at a loss - I really did not think it would be this hard with two.

Could she be jealous that all 3 of you are in one room at nightime and she's on her own? We have a 3 mths old and ds1 who is 4 is great with the baby but is certainly coming into our bed more than before. For the first few weeks, dh slept in his room to keep him company so he didn't feel left out. It's still a bit like musical beds here but anything for a quiet life!

Are you able to take some time in the evening in between feeds, for just you and her, even of its just bath time or watching some of her tv without baby? Sounds like she just wants some reassurance from you. It is tough when you've two needing attention, good luck :)

Could you put a mattress or ready bed on the floor of your room so she can sleep there for a bit?

I think it's a really big adjustment for them. 2.5-3 yrs is a difficult patch developmentally, and often affects sleep.

My DS2 is 6 weeks and DS1 is still waking more in the night and asking questions about our sleeping arrangements. He and I used to co-sleep; now he and DH are co-sleeping due to the baby waking DS1 up.

Hello.

I feel your pain. I have a 2.2 yr old and 3 month old. ds1 was always a great sleeper until ds2 came along and about 2 weeks after ds2 was born ds1 stopped his 2 hour lunch nap and stopped going up to bed to sleep and started messing about, screaming in the night etc. At this stage like yourself I was also bfing ds2 every 2 hours through the night. Basically what I am saying is that I had totally same problem. BUT we got through it (touchwood). And I wanted to let you know that you will too- as it feels particularly exhausting struggling with them both at bedtime adn through the night.

Ok. So what did we do (it's all been a bit of a blur). We made sure we gave more attention to DS1 before bedtime- let him watch Gruffalo dvd and milk before bed cuddled up with us, with less focus on ds2. We got him a gro clock alarm clock:

www.amazon.co.uk/Gro-Clock-HJ008-Gro-Clock-Trainer/dp/B002APJCNE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354138191&sr=8-1

We told him that if he settled in bed and stayed in bed till the sun came up that he would get 2 smarties (yes only 2- aren't we mean!!!) when he woke up in the morning. This was enough of a novelty to mean he started to settle well again and sleep through.

We also when he wouldn;t settle well did a Jo Frost technique of sitting in the corner of his room without speaking to him at all until he settled and went to sleep.

We now no longer/rarely have to do the book before bed, or the siting in the corner of his room till he falls asleep. Basically he just goes up as he used to. Phew (I am touching wood as I type!!!!).

With ds2 I cut out bfing and established bottle routine. He started sleeping through at 8 weeks but since then has had bugs/colds and so it's all gone a bit wrong again, but still not too bad.

I hope that this fills you with confidence that it willl all be alright- it will. It's just bloody tiring isn't it? Good luck.

i honestly would say dont change her routine at all, its really really hard but you have to stick to your guns. It sounds really harsh but let her scream and shout during the night and if she doesnt get the attention from you that she wants she will give up, it may take a week or even longer (maybe a few days) but you'll be glad you did it in the end! Good Luck and be strong for your whole familys sake! :)