co sleeping with a newborn

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

DD2 is three weeks old. She has a bit of reflux and is awake and fussy at night. The only way for any of us to get sleep was for her to lie with me in bed. So thats what I did.

She settles in the moses basket during the day with no issue. But she wont settle in it at night now at all.

DP says she knows I will lift her if she fusses but Im not sure a three week old would be doing it in a spoilt manipulative way. I think its because at night its quiet and she doesnt know where anyone is, whereas during the day everyone is talking around her. Also, our bedroom is quite cold so she maybe is cold even with all the blankets.

So who is right? Me or DP?

Will co sleeping now mean she will be a nightmare to get out of our bed when shes older?

you are right. She is three weeks old. She has just spent nine months inside you and you are all she knows. She needs you close by to feel safe enough to go to sleep at night. Sleeping with her now does not mean you will still be doing it when she is ten! A small baby does not even have the slightest idea of how to manipulate you.

Thanks. I thought so. I dont really want to stop yet. I love having her with me. DP doesnt mind having her in the bed as long as shes safe, but hes worried Im not getting enough sleep and that she will grow up spolit.

What age would we need to encourage her into her own space at night?

both of my babies slept with me till there were 6 months old, then i put them in there own room. it was no big deal and has never caused any problems.
i think a baby is meant to sleep with there mum, they feel safe and will sleep better as they can hear your heartbeat and breathing.
i always slept better as well because i knew they were safe.
it will not turn your child into a manipulative brat!!

DD co slept from birth. She started by sleeping on me. Then next to me. Then in a "sidecar" cot which was a normal cot with a side removed and attached to our bed. At 6 months she started turnng round and kicking me, so the side went on and she moved into her own room. The only problem we had was that she liked to be held until she fell asleep. At 14 months we did a very light version of conrolled crying (2 min, 3 min, 4 min, 5 min, 6 min - she was always asleep by 6 min) and within a week she self settled without crying. If we were doing it again I would have done the controlled crying a bt sooner, but I did like DD falling asleep on me.

So co-sleeping worked really well for us. I don't know what it is like if you d it for longer.

I have co-slept with DD since birth and it was fine. We all love it, and yes she is a spoilt little madam, but we wouldn't have it any other way
She is 2.3yrs now and still co-sleeps with us for part of the night. I'm planning to slowly get her used to her own space around christmas time when we have more time off so can rest in the day if the night times are disturbed.
My DS now 4yrs, co-slept from 4 months to 3 years and since he was 3 he happily sleeps in his own bed. It was an easy transition.

It´s totally impossible to spoil your baby by having them co sleep with you. We moved ours into their own cots at about 6 months, but honestly they spent most of the time in with us. At 4 and 5 they mainly stay in their own beds but still come in for cuddles. It´s one of the best bits of being a parent, enjoy!

I know what you mean though, about worrying about spoiling your baby ... but right now, she´s so tiny, I would keep her close. There´s lots of advice here about getting them to sleep in their own cots, take a look in a few months!

We had one of those nest things, with high sides, that lies in the bed with you if you are worried about rolling over onto her, they are pretty good.
Congrats on your little girl!

Thanks all. I think once she starts wriggling about the co sleeping would have to stop. Im a light sleeper and a wriggling child would definately keep me awake. DD1 never co slept at all but even when she comes into bed now in the mornings theres no chance of a wee sleep!

So glad to hear Im not spoiling her though. I hold her most of the time, mainly due to the reflux, and I was starting to wonder if it was too much. DD1 was never a demanding baby and settled easily so this is all new!

If you are holding her to stop her reflux being uncomfortable then keep going, the alternative is to have a miserable, uncomfortable baby which is no good for any of you.

DD sleeps with us, always has - only way we ever got any sleep. She is still there at 3.6, but then we haven't made any attempt to move her either! Independent sleep is a modern Western concept - the majority of babies in the world sleep in their mother's arms.

Just make sure you are co-sleeping safely. For example if you are not breast-feeding you need to take additional safety measures.

'Three In A Bed' by Deborah Jackson is a great book on the subject.

You're right! My DS was exactly like this, so co-sleeping was the only way we could all get some sleep. In the end my DH and i used to argue over who was going to have him sleeping on their chest next! I think around 12 weeks he was more comfortable and we managed to get him to sleep in his moses basket with very little fuss. He slept in our room till 6 months and transferred fine into his cot in his bedroom. He's a fantastic little sleeper now (at 2yo) and developed no bad habits etc. Newborns need closeness. Even now, i take every opportunity i can to kiss, cuddle, hug and tell him i love him (as does DH). And he comes into our bed when he's poorly. Never a problem to transfer him back. I think DCs thrive on knowing just how important they are and you'll be rewarded a hundred times with a well adjusted, perfectly balanced, loving little person and an amazing bond.

Honestly each to their own but if i had 10 kids, i'd have em all in bed with me i coslept till she was about 7 months, then she went in a co sleeper cot next to our bed (but ended up in with us) then at about 14 mo we got her a toddler bed in her own room which she loves. We locked a stair gate at the top of the stairs and most night she toddles in to us about 4 in the morning! She's nearly 2! I'd miss her if she didn't. And when she was older and it was safe, daddy often snuggled her at his side. I breastfed so it was his bonding time with her. And can i say i have never, ever had a sleepless night. Ever. I fed her then went back to sleep. Never walked the boards at 3 in the morning. Imagine a tiny baby and how scary the world is. Then imagine how they must feel to wake in the dark all alone. I couldn't bear to leave her. Can i just add that my first child is the one who was in his cot at 3 month in his own room, and he is the one who has no confidence at all. I havn't made my dd clingy by co sleeping as she's 10 times more confident than him. The book "three in a bed" is fab and would be a great read for your hubby.