14 year old has decided he doesn't want to see his dad anymore

[Lovemy3kids]

My ex and I have been separated for just over 1 1/2 years and are recently divorced and we have no communication with one another.

My 3 DC go to see him every other weekend. My ex is the biological father of my 2 youngest children, and my 14 y.o was from my 1st marriage. My ex took my child on as his own and my 14y.o knows no other father and has classed my ex as his dad.

This weekend my XH announced to them that he is getting married...when my 14 yr old txt me and told me, I asked him how he felt about it and he said he didn't know, but doesn't want to go to his dads anymore after this weekend. I told him that that was fine, but that we'd talk about it when he came back this evening. However, a couple of hours later my DS txt again saying that if he didn't go to his dads that he wouldn't get any Xmas presents. I assured him that his dad loves him regardless and that he would get presents off him.

Any advice on how to handle this one? I so feel I'm failing as a mother

At 14, it's his choice to see him or not. Chances are he will come around, given time; it could just be the shock.

You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to reproach yourself for. All you can do is be there for your son.

All 3 DC were supposed to spend Xmas with my XH from when they break up from school to Boxing Day, and then returning to me and spending New Years with their dad......do I give him the option of saying "ok well don't go next time and see how you feel after" or say that if he chooses not to go next time that he can't keep changing his mind? I don't know whether I should give him the option of 'dipping in and out' of seeing his father or even how his father is going to react to this.

All 3 DC used to see their dad 1 nite a week too, but the 14 y.o opted out of this visit a few months ago. I feel so caught up in knowing what to say to him for the best.

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You say you have no communication with each other but i think in this instance you are going to have to find a way of talking with your ex about this for your son's sake. it sounds to me like your son is reacting to the marriage news and this is quite understandable imoh, it must be hard for him. You and your ex need to agree how you will handle it together. It might be simply that your ex might not realise the effect his news is having and needs to speak with your ds and reassure him.

YY to reaction. DS' friend (14yo) has cut off contact with his Dad following the news that his step-mum is pregnant - really at that age it is their decision IMO

Hearmyroar if I try to talk to my ex about this he'll say that I put my son up to this and put ideas in his head. I also know that as far as my ex is concerned he wont "live his life around his children" (his words not mine). He'd only been with this new partner 3 weeks b4 introducing her to the DC, and they have only been together 8 months and now they are getting married.

I want to do what is right for my son, but I do not want to get into an argument with my ex over it as part of me feel at 14 he is quite able to make the choices he wants where this is concerned.