Where did my life go?

[Italianbride]

My DS is coming up to 4 weeks old, has been home just over a week after spending time in SCBU having been born prematurely and I feel completely overwhelmed.

I knew that having a newborn would be pretty life changing but I have changed overnight from an independent, active career woman to a milk machine making a permanent dent on the sofa. I am aware that this stage does not last forever but I can't seem to see the way forward.

I guess I'm just after a bit of hand holding and some feel good stories from those who have got through this stage.

amirah85 I get your point. I knew that life would change and was fully prepared for that. It doesn't make it an easy transition though. However the responses to this thread make me feel much better and I keep coming back to read them when I'm feeling a bit low.

Yep, I found the loss of identity very hard, and the inability to be spontaneous. The first 10 months of DD's life were the worst 10 of mine, I'd say, and I've had overwhelming feelings of regret.
However, once I got more sleep and was back to work I started to feel more like myself. Hang in there OP!

Am I the only one to find it harder when they get older and mobile? Newborn was easy. 12-36 months is difficult and then it starts getting easier again.

OP I think this feeling is normal - it certainly happened to me and a lot of others, proof above.

I can't remember whether people warned me, but if they didn't I don't think I could have comprehended it. It is a massive massive shock to the system. For me, it was the responsibility - I constantly had dd on the brain and still do

I wonder if people enjoy this time with their second-borns more because they know whats coming!!

I send you a big hug Italianbride

I have four kids. My oldest was born prem. in 1995.

I went to the hospital for a routine check up. Later I was due to go out for dinner with work. I will Cut a long story short; the hospital would not let me out. My blood pressure was too high (Pre-eclampsia) I had to stay in hospital with NOTHING ready.

My baby was born via c section on 17 December but was due in Feb. He weighed 3 5ozs. He was kept on another ward with special equipment etc. It was an emotional time for me.

I came out of hospital just before christmas but baby did not come out until Jan. I remember visiting him in hosptial. He was so tiny. His nappy looked so BIG.

He will be 17 next month. Very charming, chatty and lovable young man.

At the time it was hard but it got eaier as time went on.

Take one day at a time and enjoy your little gem. What was the birth weight?

Babies/children will change your life. I am sure the other mothers will agree. They become the main focuss. It MAY be hard right now but it will get easier.

I am really grateful for the care I and my baby received so many years ago.

I felt the same way too Italianbride!

I also agree with QTPie that time seems to slow down. I'd look at my 4 week old DS and think "4 weeks?! How can you only be 4 weeks' old?! You should be at least 4 YEARS old by now!!"

To be perfectly honest I found the first year a big challenge (I really wanted to be one of the mums who suddenly found it easier at 6/12/20 weeks, but sadly not). DS was a challenging baby who didn't want to be held by anyone but me, hated busy/noisy groups, cried during baby massage, cried during Waterbabies lessons (we were not allowed to graduate from the Foundation Level, the first time in my life I have ever failed anything!), and projectile vomited during baby Yoga. I was shell-shocked, anaemic, had PND and mourned the lass of my spontaneous, under-control, successful and stress-free life.

You honestly wouldn't recongise us now though :) DS is an amazing, bright, chatty, inquisitive, funny 2.9 yr old and I am an enthusiatic SAHM who is 36 weeks pregnant with baby no2! Life is not the same as it was, and I do still miss not having any responsibilities, but I wouldn't go back to my old life for the world.

italianbride - I think one of the biggest changes here is breastfeeding - I found it much, much harder and more demanding of me than I could have imagined. Feeding on demand involves complete dedication to the baby - but I can promise you that does get easier fairly quickly. After about 8 weeks I realised I could generally set a 3 hour feed rule - although I have never stuck to that particularly, but it meant I could go out without worrying that he was starving - before that, I was always paraylsed with anxiety that I would have to feed every hour and a half.

By 3/4 months the feeds were much easier/ more spaced out - and now, at 7 months, with him on solids, he only has about 4 breastfeeds a day, including morning and evening - so as you can imagine, it is a tiny part of my day.

in the grand scheme of things 6 months is not much - so although it seems overwhelming now, I can only recommend give in to it, don't push yourself, put your feet up on the sofa for those long feeding sessions - they really, really will be a fleeting time in your life !x

This was me exactly and to be honest it's still a bit tough. I tried to work part time 3 days after a emergency C section. Horrible.

Anyway I should have:

Spent as much time in my bed as possible BF and watching TV. And purchased one of those baby cots that attach to the bed.
Put nappy bins everywhere and changed dd on my lap. She pooed with every feed so about 14 times a day and I hated that trek to the cold bathroom. Alcohol sanitizer and lots of wet wipes.
Eaten a lot more pizza
I should have stopped feeling guilty and accepted more help / insisted on more help.
Taken a 6 month hiatus from even thinking about my 'life' and the impact the baby had on it
Not read any book on baby rearing apart from Kellymom
Leave baby with DP / DH and go anywhere for a couple of hours (hairdresser / pedicure etc) so you get some time out
Contact any and every friend you have with a baby or child. They will sympathize! I never knew what they went through!
I ended up with PND and panic attacks.

Be kind to yourself. It is overwhelming.

amirah85 it's like the difference on being told that the Sahara is hot and you need sunscreen to the actual amazing and crushing reality that it's almost unbearable, beautiful and awe inspiring.

I found the only way to cope was to get washed and dressed first thing every morning, and I still do now 7 months in. I cannot function in my pajamas, and in the early days when boobs leaking etc I just felt so rank and sweaty. Urgh! So from when DH went back to work at 5 weeks, I made sure I had a show first thing, whether DS cried a bit in his cot or not. I still do it now. I also made sure the changing bag was always packed and by the front door, and the pram ready made up so I could just leave whenever the opportunity arose!

It gets so much easier, I promise!

Shower first thing!

I really struggled with the early days. It wasn't the big things, like not being able to go out for dinner with DH, it was the little things, like not being able to walk round the corner to post a letter without half an hour of preparation before I could leave the house with the baby.

I remember one weekend DH wanted to go and do the food shopping on his own, and I insisted on coming, with the baby, because I was finding it so hard to get out anywhere, and Sainsbury's was the most interesting place I'd been all week.

Oh, and another time sitting in the doctor's waiting room looking at a couple of mums with new babies - they looked clean and fresh, with perfect make-up and trendy outfits. How on earth did they manage it? I could barely get a chance to brush my teeth.

You are not alone, and it does get better . My kids are 13 and 14 now and the first few months of the first baby were by far the hardest time.