Having children in London - how?!

[MsCat]

Hello all -I do hope this is the correct place to post this;

My husband and I have been married for two years. We?ve lived in London for about 15 years and can?t imagine living anywhere else. Now we?re in our early thirties we are eager to start a family. None of our friends have children in London, and the friends who did have children moved out of the city. We don?t want to have to make a choice between London and children ? we want both! But how on earth do young couples in London do this?

We live in a small one bed flat in east London? we could share our room with a baby, but that would only work for a year or so. We could probably afford to buy a decent place in 10 years, but I?ll be over 40 by then. I don?t want to leave babies this late.

We both have jobs that we love, but are both on short term contracts. Because of the nature of our industry, we will work this way for the next 5-10 years. This means I won?t get a good maternity package until I am over 40! But we have some savings and I could afford to take 6 months off work.

Then there is day care. It seems so expensive in London. How do people manage? Does baby go to a child-minder or a nursery? Are fees really more than £1200 a month? We don?t have any family here that could look after baby whilst we work, but we are lucky to have sisters, brothers and great friends who could help us out occasionally.

And then, when baby is older, there's the horror of finding a decent London school. Spending £15k a year on fees may not be an option!

So?how do people do this?!

Maximise childcare vouchers - ask your accountant, it is possible to do when self-employed.

I got very good maternity benefits from my former employer which helped us stash away a bit.

I was a SAHM till DD went to nursery at 2.5 and then worked 3 days a week setting up my own business. Luckily DH earns enough to keep our head above water. I had a run-in with my former company over being pregnant and had to sue them - we settled out of court and the settlement helped a lot as well as allowing me to retrain and start my business.

However, I buy nearly all DD's clothes either on eBay or at H&M. I can't remember the last time I paid full-price for something for myself - I buy on eBay or at outlets or wait for the 70% off sales (mind you I am a total bargain queen anyway so that was the case to a certain extent beforehand).

We don't go out to bars, only have the odd dinner out - and take DD to save on baby-sitters, or go to friends houses - generally those with small kids so DD can go too.

We don't have a car - just can't justify one cost wise.

Make sure you get your name down for the state-primary nurseries (also some academies) - you have to apply individually for each and no one will tell you about them. It saves a bomb - but only some boroughs run full-time places and some of those that do are thinking of going to part-time.

If you think you may need to move out of London (without being too far away) have you considered Sutton, where I live. Fab for children, loads to do, toddler groups, children's groups, good state schools, good facilities. Also only an hour away if you want to do all the London stuff, or less if you use the BR rather than the tube from Morden. Also use a good nursery, I am self-employed and used to work around my kids (now age 51/2 and nearly 3), they charge me £17 a morning (9-1 including lunch). Also, in your line of work, is there any option to work from home. I am very much a town/city person, although where I was brought up was quite rural so couldn't do without my creature comforts, take away places, shops, pubs etc. Good luck whatever you decide.

As others have said, somehow it just all works out. When I was pregnant with DC1, my DH (who is self employed) was in process of setting up his business and no prospect of any real income for some years. I had been main earner for a few years and although I had some savings and was entitled to statutory maternity pay the whole finance situation was terrifying as we had scary sized mortgage and I didn't see how (a) we could pay that while I was on maternity leave or (b) how we would manage it once I was back at work but we had childcare bills on top. We sat down with a spreadsheet and tried to work out how we would finance everything and no matter how we did the sums it didn't work out, I was really scared. I still don't really know how the figures balanced, but when it came to the crunch things were tight but we managed. By the time DC1 was 5 and DC3 was 1 we decided to move out of London. Like you we had lived in central London 15 yrs and I hadn't envisaged us wanting to move to deepest darkest countryside but we did (and it's great). Priorities can change when you have children. Sometimes the best thing to do is just get on with it and see what happens. One way or another you will find a way.

Also, I LOVED having small children in London - loads of friends close by for suppoert, loads of baby groups and other new mothers to meet, loads to do. I would have HATED living out in the sticks with a small baby, it was only as they all got a bit older that the whole space consideration thing kicked in.