Crushes on different parenting styles with your friend

[aichi]

I have a friend who's daughter is the same ages as my dd (2). We've known each other through music lessons and when I was working freelance she looked after my dd one day a week.
My dd loves both of them but I don't...
Our daughters seen to get on well, but I think my daughter is more dominant than her daughter..

There's been a number of occasions that I felt that I dont agree with the way she deals the situations with her daughter. Her daughter is under weight for her age so she's constantly forcing her (literally putting food right in front of her face!) food to eat, chocolates, crisps, toffees anything to put her weight on....Most of the time her daughter refuses to eat and throws food everywhere. She also offers my daughter sweets and I refuse most of the time but sometimes she gives them without asking me first!

As of this reason I dislike having lunch or snacks with them as I'm quiet strict on sugary food and believe in eating proper meal rather than sweets.

Its also embarrassing when we're outside when her daughter just screams and throws food&drink all over the places but she constantly offers food to her.

Its not just the food issue but she's very protective of her daughter. She over reacts to things and she's constantly after her daughter and can't seen to have an adult chat with her at all.

She's always v late when we meet up and comes up with lots of excuses, which I can't stand.

I think we're very different people and have very different parenting style.

As of this I want to spend less time with them but she now started to come to a playgroup that I've been going for a while and she wants to spend more time with them afterwards..but I can't take it anymore!

How would you deal with this situation?

I find it is almost impossible to be both honest and polite (as in grit your teeth and carry on) so you need to decide which is more important.
you can be kind and firm though!

As they go to the same playgroup you don't want to make things awkward, but I'd discourage relationship.
if she wants to spend time together you can simply say you have other plans - do you owe her an explanation?

I'd organize play dates with others to make new friends - say your DD is interested in other children so you'll be busy, plus the girls see each other more now, no need to meet up so often.

or you can just use xmas preps as an excuse to keep a bit of difference, then see what happens

if she asks if there's a problem don't lie, say what you said in here, that you find it hard to spend time together as your parenting styles are different. and rather you met less often.
(whatever you do, don't criticize her daughter!!!)

friends come and go, or stay, no need to worry about it too much.

Thanks for your reply amazingmum!

I think I'm too nice&polite to her... i also feel sorry for her being a single mum too and want to help her...but I'm also fed up of hearing her moaning about her ex partner.

Its not like she's using me but I feel bad if I refuse her invite. She's quite clingy person whereas I like to spend time with different people or with just with my daughter.

you are nice, but also stressed!
there's no need to cut her out, you can set up a date and refuse in between!

she has to accept that you have interest in other people & things!

If you feel bad refusing her that's not a good sign - I say no to people and get told no too, if she can't take it she does not respect you!

it's sweet you want to help her, but your first loyalty is to your DD & your family, and you have to be selfish to a point to protect their & your interest!
your DD will not benefit from being with someone who disrespect & undermines you (sweets behind your back).

she my have helped you in the past, but her behaviour is not helpful right now, so if either of you feel you owe her something for helping you before you really need to do something, I'm sorry, but it is not a healthy relationship!

if you want to help her you can, but you shouldn't suffer in silence!