Have I affected my child?

[LiamsMum]

My baby didn't come into the world under the best circumstances.. the pregnancy wasn't planned and my husband did not want a child, so our relationship went through a horrific time while I was pregnant. Most of the time I felt desperate and depressed, I constantly thought our marriage was over. Anyway, to get to the point, after my son was born I still struggled with depression and the lack of sleep in the first few months made it worse. He is now 18 months and I know my patience has worn very thin at times, and consequently I have snapped when I know I shouldn't have. My husband & I have also fought in front of him a few times and my son has seen me cry when I've been feeling really down. On the other hand, I try to give him as much love, affection and attention as I can. My question is, how has my emotional state affected him? He's a happy little boy most of the time but he's always been quite active and has recently started to object loudly when he doesn't get what he wants - a lot of regular whining as well. I also have the constant feeling that my bond with him isn't as strong as it should be. Does anyone else feel this way with their children? Thanks for listening.

Don't panic. Aside from the circumstances of his conception, your son sounds as though he is a perfectly happy, healthy toddler - and unfortunately whining comes with the territory. As for arguing with his dad, and snapping at him, you sound like virtually every mum I know. Obviously it's best to surround your child with sweetness and light and some people actually manage it, but there are millions of us who aren't perfect, so join the gang.

dh and I occasionally have argued in front of ds (3yrs). What we try and do is to publicly make up in front of him, by giving hugs etc. Children have to learn that sometimes there are arguemnets, but that both parties need to make up, clear the air, and get on.
That's my theory, anyway!
Willow2 is quite right in saying that your son has reached toddlerhood. It's a trying phase, but he sounds just like any child at that age!

Liams mum I was desperate and depressed through both my pregnancies, fought constantly with dh, and both mine WERE planned!
Your son has a mum who loves and cares for him and that is the most important thing.
As for him getting difficult at this age, be glad as this is a sure sign he is NORMAL!!!
Good luck, stop worrying, and post here often.

LiamsMum, the others have already said it - what you describe here is daily life with a toddler in homes all over the country. He sounds like a horrible, normal, little scamp. Don't be hard on yourself, it sounds like you are doing a good job. It's the parents who worry about whether they care enough, are caring enough, in my experience.
FMS' point about showing your son that grown-ups argue and then make up is a good one and one that dh and I try to remember. We have had our moments over the past two years and it is quite easy to postpone the peace-making until the cause of it all has finally hit the sack. If we've had a grumpy day all round, we find that all sitting down to a meal before bedtime and chatting makes everyone feel better.

Liamsmum - have to agree with the others here! None of us are perfect, certainly not me, you've not said anything that I haven't done on numerous occassions and like Jolene all 3 of mine were planned. He sounds just like my 19 mth old, and like all 3 of mine, he probably just has a strong/highly-spirited personality, which, believe me, is nothing to do with how he has been raised, so stop torturing yourself! As has already been said, the fact that you are worrying about things shows you care. Who ever said being a mother was easy, eh! Keep your pecker up and feel free to have a moan

Hi Liams mum-I echo everything everybody here has said.With regards to you wondering about the strength of your bond-you are not alone-I constantly question this about my son now he is nearly 4 and getting very trying.I know I love him but there are days when it is very hard to express it especially when you are depressed,tired etc.I guess we still have the right to be human even when we become mums.