Advice for parent of 11 yr old left home alone until midnight

[Marymoo73]

Will be as brief as possible but after some advice please. My ex has son from previous marriage. The boys mother has always been a tad flaky regarding being home on time when he's been dropped back, there have been instances that my ex has brought his son back home (100 mile round trip) after she has failed to come home. Last night ex received a call from his son at 21:30, distraught as his mother had gone out to a party at 18:00 and was still not home. My ex called the Police who attended straight away. By 10:30 she still wasn't home, so he drove to the house. She arrived back at 23:30, drunk. He has taken his son back with him and has learned that this has happened on a regular basis, but his son didnt call him. I wont go into the whole background but the child has not been taken care of on many levels since I've known him (4 years+) My ex wants to look at getting full custody, but is at a loss at where to start. As much as my ex is a cockweasle (IMO), he is a good Dad to his son and our daughter and genuinely wants the best for his son. Any advice gratefully received.

I would have thought he either needs to see a solicitor (I think most do a free initial conulstation?) or citizens' advice bureau?

But at 11, what the boy himself wants is surely important to?

See a local family law solicitor asap (ask for emergency appt) and find out whether you can get an emergency residency order (used to be called?) on the basis that he's been left alone and the police have been involved. At 11 he will be entitled to an opinion but ultimately courts look for what's best for the child.

He doesn't want to stay with her anymore, he's started to see through her emotional manipulation of him over the years. Ex is waiting for a call from Social Services, he's worried about the practicalities of work, getting son up and to school etc, when he should normally be out of the house by 05:30. Is it legal/ok for 11 year olds to get up and out in the morning without adult supervision?

There's no legal age that a child can be left alone. So technically yes he could leave him at 5:30am, but if he was crying at been Home Alone in the evening might he be as upset at been on his own in the morning? It's a long time to leave him, what if he's ill, has nightmare, etc.

My dd is 11 and is a nightmare to get up in the morning. I have to pull her out of bed and stand over her while she gets dressed. If I didn't she would never make the bus.

I leave at 7am and she leaves after me at 7:30 but I make sure she's dressed and has had breakfast before I go.

if he is your ex.... how are you involved?

Actually I am curious about the legality of this, so I will be watching with interest.

I have a friend (although I think her lacklustre parenting is starting to veer towards ex-friend) they leave their 11 year old alone until 11.30pm once every other week while they go to the pub with their older son.

Their 11 year old is friends with my son and has told him he is really scared when hes left alone, then cant sleep until the early hours even when they get back and struggles to get up for school the next day (I have had to tell my son not to wait for him if hes not ready when he calls)

Thanks for your replies. He is my ex but we have a 2yro DD together, so technically this is her brother. I am just trying to help him explore the avenues of whats feasible for him getting his son to and from a new school. It could be that mt ex works from home until his son gets on the bus to the local school (if work are ok with this) or ex moving back to the same town where I live (currently 10 miles away) and dropping his son with me in the morning if we can get him into the local school. I'm up from six each morning to start the morning school/nursery run at my end. Sorry if its a bit of a ramble, just an awful lot to juggle at the moment.

at the apparent number of parents who do this.

The legality is vague and for good reasons. There are times when leaving an 11yo in the evening might be a reasonable thing to do: my ds (now 12) is a very confident loved child who enjoys being alone in the house and would much prefer being left to being dragged along to one of our infrequent visits to the theatre (so perhaps not as late as 11.30, but certainly 9-10). Sometimes we let him, sometimes we drag him along. The differences between the set-up in the OP and in Aardvark's post are:

he wants it

he trusts us to get home when we say we would

he trusts us to get home in a state fit to be there for him

he knows what to do if he needs help

he knows he can get hold of us

he knows he has the option of coming with us

In your case, no I do think that is neglect.

Apparently she asked him if he wanted to go to the party with her and as he declined, she felt it was ok ffs. Couldn't even be bothered to sort a babysitter. He's a nervous kid, has to sleep with the light on, certainly not streetwise. She has surfaced today, expecting him to be dropped home today and was "shocked" that wasn't going to be the case. Police stated Social Services would be in touch today, but has heard nothing. Should ex call them instead?

yes. I think he should. IF he wants to genuinely step up. It may ,mean re-arranging his life-and yours. If they're worth it, call. I would.