Fed up with everything being a battle with 11 month old DS :(

[SuperDuperTrooper]

For a couple of weeks now I have had to battle with my DS at every bottle, meal and nap. I've had enough and don't feel like I have the patience or will left to carry on.

With his bottles he takes a few ounces then just wriggles and writhes in your arms. Sometimes he will calm down enough to take some more. I try singing, giving him something to play with, being calm and quiet etc.

With his meals he takes a few spoonfuls/mouthfuls then whinges and grumbles the rest of the way through the meal. He also has become soooo slow which is a real stress at lunchtimes when I haven't much time to get him to the childminders. (I work in the afternoons). I try talking, singing, playing peekaboo, dancing around like a lunatic, being calm and still, giving him a spoon to play with etc

He has his 1st nap with me at about 9.30am. When I put him in his cot he crawls and climbs and sits. I keep putting him back without saying anything and he just keeps going. Eventually he calms down and then just tosses, turns and wriggles a lot. I will sing, shush, talk quietly, be silent, touch him not touch him etc. Mostly he will drop off after a 20 minute fight - after he has sent my blood pressure through the roof. Other times he winds himself up so much that he gets in a state and cries and screams.

I thought it was the start of another wave of teething but there are no teethy signs. I hoped it was a short phase but it just seems to be getting worse. It's getting to the point where I look forward to leaving him at the childminder to go to work and dread the start of a new day. This makes me feel like a horrible uncaring mummy. Guilt, guilt, guilt...... :(

Thanks for your suggestions QTPie but your post actually made me cry. I honestly don't feel like I have it in me to bear all this stress. This has surprised me more than anyone as I have always been a patient, if slightly anxious, person. Motherhood is not doing good things to me at the moment.

I do love my little boy and he is a delight when he's not feeding or needing to sleep. Trouble is most of the day is spent around these activities! My DS' childminder always refers to him as a determined boy and often comments on how he seems to have already started the terrible 2's. I've definitely got my hands full here and know I'm not coping well with all the stress. I will try and think of some coping strategies....

My ds is 11 months too. I'm trying a method that is let him do what he wants! If he won't nap or eat or drink I don't force him I just let him get on with it. He's big and strong and doesn't seem overtired.

When we put him to bed and he won't sleep we just sit quietly with him until he does. We read or watch tv quietly on an iPad. Unless he's upset I leave him to it and eventually he goes to sleep. I find giving him his milk in his cot helps with this. I think ds is getting some evil teeth too so his sleep and eating routines he's kind of fallen into are getting disrupted. We did milk at 3am :)

You could start lunch earlier too, it's an hour here for finger food so I'd budget that time if I needed ds to eat and then be somewhere. Or send him with some food to your cm?

If its at all helpful I found that at about 1 DS started eating less. Now 2.8 & he has hungry days and days where he appears to simply photosynthesis, think 1 grape for dinner, that sort of thing.

Go with the flow & hopefully he'll settle down.

Thanks ladies!

Handbagcrab - I've never been brilliant at going with the flow. My DS has usually been pretty clockwork, which suited me fine, and going against that feels wrong. However, it may very well be what is needed so will give it some thought.

I am definitely going to start lunch earlier! That's the most stressful part of the day for me as I have to get him to the childminder. I work with kids too so having my stress levels hit the roof before I even start work isn't ideal!

Tigresswoods - I did wonder if my DS just simply wasn't hungry although, if I find the right distraction/entertainment technique, he will normally scoff the lot. This makes me uneasy with just stopping when he gets fidgety as I don't get the impression he is full. Still, sometimes I just have to stop as we have run out of time and then warn the childminder that he may need a snack.

Hi SuperDuperTrooper, I fel the same with my almost 11 month old!

I have worked a routine around what DS seems to need as below (hope it might help)

7am 1 bottle of formula milk and cereal with cows milk for breakfast
9am nap (usually 1 hour)
10am snack e.g. banana, homemade cake or savoury muffin
12pm lunch (usually serve a hot meal at lunch as he eats more at lunchtime than tea time and I cook extra for my dinner and save a portion for DS the next day)
2pm snack e.g. rice cakes or dried fruit
3pm nap (usually 1 hour)
5pm tea time (usually sandwiches or toast or scrambled eggs and a yoghurt)
If it's bath night I do this after tea and get DS changed into a vest and babygrow.
7pm bed time.

I have recently introduced the snacks and they have really helped, he's more or less constantly topped up with food so he's not getting grumpy because he's hungry.

Nappy changing is my main source of frustration as DS screams and wriggles and writhes and it's just awful! I try to give him something to hold so he is occupied and stays on his back - nappy wipes are good!

With nap times I followed advice from the Jo Frost website and when he goes down in his cot I tell him to have a little rest and I'll check him in a few minutes followed by telling him I love him. If he cries, I wait 2 minutes, then go in and shush him, then if he still cries go back in every 4 minutes to shush him.

Sometimes sleeptimes are so unbelievably easy and other times it feels like a battle of wills! If he does cry I do feel bad, but it is for his own good that he has a sleep! I find the more tired he is the harder it is to get him to have a nap, so my general rule of thumb is that's soon as I catch him yawning he's going straight to bed!

I think even if you have a clockwork routine, illness and teething can throw everything out of the window.

I think at 11 months they can let you know if they are hungry/ tired etc so I don't worry about it myself. Ds is very vocal when hungry so I think he knows when he wants to eat and how much. If you're really worried is there a healthy food you know he'll eat? Ds likes plum fromage frais so if I worry he's not eaten enough he has one of those as he'll definitely eat the whole pot. Also I read on here 'food is for fun, until they are one' so I repeat that to myself when I worry. Though I've only got a few more days before I can't say that anymore :)

Good luck :)

Yes, you're right - I know I need to relax a bit re clockwork routine as he's only human. I'm going to attempt "go with the flow" tomorrow! Only put him for his nap when he is clearly tired rather than because he yawned once....Wish me luck!

I actually gave him lunch earlier today and that really helped. Am definitely going to keep that up...! Thanks everyone!

Nurseries and childminders often do lunch about 11-1130 for sleeps at 12 approx. this is for babies and toddlers. Unsure if u knew? Worth a try therefore. Dd changed dramatically for me when I tried this pattern at 9 mths.....

Maybe he's ready to drop his morning nap?

Try him with an early lunch and nap from 12.

Nappy changing is a nightmare here too but he's just about able to support himself so that I can do it with him standing up which is easier

Definitely try putting the morning nap back if he's faffing about for 20 mins he's not tired enough. Try 10/.30 our just waiting to see when he lookgs tired. Ds changed to later nap at about 11 months and now at 13 months is heading toward just yet one middle of day snooze.