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Parenting

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Original poster

Talking to children

54 replies

speedymama · 04/04/2006 11:12

I found \link{http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/4872102.stm\this} report interesting.

Yesterday, when I was driving home with my 2 year old DTS after picking them up from nursery, I asked them about their day, they babbled, I told them about my day, they babbled, I then started to sing nursery rhymes and they joined in with their babble and finally we counted to 10 several times. Similarly, when we arrived home, I just talked about whatever was in my head, they ran around babbling doing their own thing and so it went on. I don't really see what else I can do. When I'm not working, I read to them a lot, play with them, take them for walks and discuss the surroundings,they even join in when I am exercising to a DVD and I explain to them what I am doing.

So, is this article a true reflection of modern parenting?

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MrsDoolittle · 05/04/2006 14:32

Not so in our house. I could talk the hindleg of a donkey and so, appears will my dd. Doesn't make sense yet, but when it does....

rhubarbed · 05/04/2006 15:17

talk to children? dear me no. thas what grandparents are for

fransmom · 05/04/2006 21:57

just read that link, good grief what are we supposed to do as parents? if we put our very young children (who, incidentally, may not be able to walk a marathon yet ) in forward facing pushchairs, we are told off for not talking to them enough about what they can see. but if we put them in rear facing buggies (which i hven't seen) then we told off for not giving them a stimulating enough environment for them to look at!!!!!!!!! steaming

rant over.
yes, i do talk to my dd, if i don't she will pull at my legs til i do! or moan if i don't talk to her about what i'm doing when she asks me i couldn't not talk to her, she isn't a plank of wood fgs

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Jennypog · 06/04/2006 10:45

My second child didn't want to sit in a rear facing buggy. She used to turn herself round and try to look over the top so that she could see where she was going. Then she used to stand up and twist round with her arms over the top and laugh.

They make such silly generalisations - I think the press just like to let us know how we are all doomed. Ignore them, I say. There probably isn't much news today.

hulababy · 06/04/2006 10:51

Not the case in our house. I have always waffled on to DD from her coming home with me from the hospital. Well no, earlier than that - I used to talk to her when pregnant! We just chat alot in this family. LOL! DD now talks constantly.

schneebly · 06/04/2006 10:52

I wouldnt get the chance to be like this - if I am quiet for a few minutes (ver rare - only when on mumsnet etc!) ds, 2.5, will start shouting 'talk mummy, talk!' So I say to him 'What do you want to talk about?' It is usually tractors!

ToujoursMarine · 06/04/2006 11:06

WannaBe1974, you can't generalise like that. Language development in children is a complex mix of genetic heritage, circumstances and environment. Please don't blame WOTH parents for lack of verbal communication skills because as FairyMum says it's not that simple. For what it's worth, my dd isn't three yet, spends all day in nursery Mon-Fri, where she is very happy, and can talk the hind leg off a donkey entertainingly and very clearly.
Speedymama, respect for doing all that AND driving. Our bus journeys and walks are non-stop prattlefests (current daily topics of discussion, yuckiness of squashed last year's crab-apples on the pavement and why dd still can't eat the festering chocolate muffin in the gutter by the hairdressers ) but I don't think I could sustain all that and steer a car through London traffic.

hulababy · 06/04/2006 11:11

wannabe - DD went to nursery at 5 months. She was saying her first words just after 6 months. She was saying combines words at a year and sentences before 18 months. She is 4 now and been in day nursery all that time, albeit part time. She had know all her letters for ages, similarly colours. Can count really far, although often misses 15 for some reason. She can also count to ten in French and Spanish (blame TV for that ) She can read and write about half a dozen words or more - building up this gradually - not pushed, her own interest.

Nursery has not impeded her development at all. Just children are all different. Some talk early, some talk "on time", some talk late. And the same with other learning milestones - be them physical or not. And it really doesn't matter int he long run when they happen. I can't remember last time I was asked ina job interview or my adult life at what age I could first read, or when I was out of nappies or anythign else like that.

These articles are just there to make parents feel insecure in an already challenging situation.

fransmom · 07/04/2006 11:48

toujoursmarine, whats WOTH?
hulababy, i used to talk to her when pg too! lol. i also used to sing lullabies to her to try and get her to sleep when i was tired and we luckily found a mobile that plays the same tune for when she was born. it helps her settle really easily now, thank heaven!

MadameDeMars · 07/04/2006 11:51

blimey... my poor kids probably heard over 100 million words. I love to talk. Started talking to them from conception if not before and still talking to them now lol

batters · 07/04/2006 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

speedymama · 07/04/2006 13:12

Despite all my chatter, the twins who are now 25 months, still babble rather than chat but are now saying more discernable words like bus, car etc.

They have been in nursery since they were 7 months but that has nothing to do with their lack of speech. That is just how they are developing and as far as I'm concern, as long as they are speaking by the time they start school, then I'm not worried.

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Bugsy2 · 07/04/2006 13:13

Think alot of it is genetic. I was a very early talker & my children were too - early enough for people to "wow" at their skills. My kids sat in forward facing buggies and I work outside the home!
Dislike the belief that those of us who work outside the home, dump our babies & children with people who wouldn't communicate with them. Both my kids have phrases in Portuguese, Polish & Czech (which they've taught me!) because they have enjoyed care from other people while I've been working.
Sounds like buggy manufacturers want everyone to buy completely different types of buggy perhaps!!!

fennel · 07/04/2006 13:18

I think it's a lot down to personality. two of my dds are quiet. One never shuts up. For her I'd have preferred a buggy with a long pole attachment so you couldn't hear her so constantly. with optional matching earmuffs for the weary parent.

blueshoes · 07/04/2006 13:33

speedymama and colditz, I am in the same boat. If your child is late-talking, then your child is late-talking. No amount of nattering in their faces is going to get them to speak before they are ready. My dd is my first and had 1-1 attention for 12 months and then split her time between nursery and home after I returned to pt work. I read all the right books and did all that "narrating" malarky that first time middleclass mums can relate to. Guess what, nada. Oh, and they don't put children in barred cots in nursery and leave them to their devices.

I deeply resent any implication that dh or I (or nursery) are not speaking to dd or not giving dd an incentive to speak.

And I can't think of anything more contrived than doing "1-2-3" or "a-b-c" with pre-school children. Fine if that is your cup of tea, but I am not there to make teachers' life easier. Once a child is developmentally ready, they will pick up these things easily, whether at home or at school.

JanH · 07/04/2006 13:36

Twins are often late to talk properly, aren't they, because they can communicate with each other?

JanH · 07/04/2006 13:37

DS2 was very late talking (but he did watch Come Outside a lot. Probably identified with Pippin )

Original poster

speedymama · 07/04/2006 13:50

True JanH. That is why I'm not worried.

OP posts:

fennel · 07/04/2006 14:10

anyway Quiet is Good.

i like quiet children. leads to far more peaceful a life.

diapergenie · 07/04/2006 14:44

My daughter uses me as a ventriloquist's dummy - she points at an object and goes "mmm" "mmm" "mmm" relentlessly until I tell her what the name of the object is. She is perfectly capable of saying it herself at 19 months and I am sure HV's would probably urge me to encourage her to do so, but I find the "mmm" noise too annoying not to give in. Good job I don't see a HV. I am a single SAHM and our lives are very ritualized, IYKWIM, so I probably don't use as many four-syllable words with my DD as I would if I was a more neurotic/conscientious (delete as appropriate) person, but like most of you here I am sick of hearing the fatuous journalistic assertions about "decline of the family mealtime" and "fragmentation of the family". If I had the money I would be glad to send my daughter to a nursey so she could actually learn some social skills, and as for mealtimes, we (me and DD) sit down to eat together every day and I am too busy stuffing my face to actually hold a conversation.

CarolinaMooncup · 07/04/2006 14:59

lol, diapergenie, that sounds like my ds. He is 17mo and can understand a lot but his speaking vocab is limited to brrrrrm for cars, choochoo for trains, "eeeeyum" for cats etc.

Dp apparently had only a couple of words at 2yo and is perfectly capable of holding down a professional job etc now, so I can't say I'm that worried.

Imho establishing meaningful communication/social interaction with parents and others is more important at this age than how many words they can say.

charliemouse2 · 07/04/2006 22:44

4blue1pink: I really really wish we'd bought a rear-facing buggy. We went for a travel system for value, but I am determined to talk to my DS when in the buggy and I really hate that to do this I have to stop walking and move round to the front. I totally agree - forward facing buggies are everywhere, but they are SO anti-social. Am now, like you, searching for a second-hand rear-facing buggy as we can't afford a new one. Any suggestions?

tarantula · 07/04/2006 22:55

I am a quiet person and cant see the point in just talking for the sake of it. whats the problem with that????

DD otoh could talk the hind leg off a donkey. In the buggy she chats to her gloves (they are little frogs) and makes up plays with them. Good fun for her and if I try to interupt I get told to 'Go away'. So def no need for a backwards facing buggy in this household.

Think this report is crap anyway. Another guilt trip that I'll be taking no notice of.

What ever happened to children should be seen and not heard. Didnt stop those kids from learning to talk did it?

fransmom · 07/04/2006 23:07

are you for real tarantula? when i was growing up being told "children should be seen, etc etc" it made me feel that my opinions didn't matter and now sometimes i'm so much more outspoken because of it! i would be horrified if my dd turned round in the future and told me that was how i made her feel like i had felt

lovemygirl · 07/04/2006 23:14

Report fails to mentionl ack of time in school curriculum for developing speaking and listening skills. Lots of reciting but no time to just discuss. It can't all be put on parents and tv dinners imho. Six and two threes!

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