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Parenting

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Original poster

Talking to children

54 replies

speedymama · 04/04/2006 11:12

I found \link{http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/4872102.stm\this} report interesting.

Yesterday, when I was driving home with my 2 year old DTS after picking them up from nursery, I asked them about their day, they babbled, I told them about my day, they babbled, I then started to sing nursery rhymes and they joined in with their babble and finally we counted to 10 several times. Similarly, when we arrived home, I just talked about whatever was in my head, they ran around babbling doing their own thing and so it went on. I don't really see what else I can do. When I'm not working, I read to them a lot, play with them, take them for walks and discuss the surroundings,they even join in when I am exercising to a DVD and I explain to them what I am doing.

So, is this article a true reflection of modern parenting?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

4blue1pink · 04/04/2006 11:16

I think increasingly so ( ducks for cover)

Tommy · 04/04/2006 11:22

I think it might. I had to go to a new parents evening the other day at the school DS1 is going to in Sept and the reception teacher was talking about how you can use numbers and counting in every day life and that you should to prpepare chuildren for school. I was a bit surprised that they would have to tell parents that to be honest as it's the sort of thing we've always done. Also, what she was saying is the stuff I do with DS2 (2.7). The teacher told me afterwards that it is very common to discover that parents don't do this sort of stuff with their children. I'm not really shocked just think it's sad.
Sounds like your twins have plenty to talk with their mummy about!

Original poster

speedymama · 04/04/2006 11:27

I must admit that sometimes I wonder if I talk too much and if the twins would love for me to shut up.

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Callisto · 04/04/2006 11:27

Sadly I think it probably is a true reflection of modern parenting. My brother and I could read and write when we went to primary school and so could most of the other kids - from what you say Tommy, this isn't the case any more.

pablopatito · 04/04/2006 11:31

Not mentioned in the article, but doesn't the increasing amount of homework that children have to do these days leave less time for sitting around talking with the family?

4blue1pink · 04/04/2006 11:40

my children have barely a scrap of homework it drives me nuts!

zippitippitoes · 04/04/2006 11:44

I think if forward facing buggies are blamed for slow development than the child is spending too much time in the buggy

coppertop · 04/04/2006 11:47

When ds1 still wasn't talking at 2yrs people were quick to tell me that it was my fault because I didn't talk to him enough. When he was still silent at 2.5yrs it was apparently my fault because I talked to him too much. It was easier to blame me than look at the bigger picture.

He eventually started talking at around 3yrs and was diagnosed with autism 6 months later.

Original poster

speedymama · 04/04/2006 11:49

Well spotted Zippy

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4blue1pink · 04/04/2006 11:51

I agree zippy i think maybe 'buggy time' is a prime time to talk to children without other distractions .One can tend to use this time to switch off like in the car!

MeAndMyBoy · 04/04/2006 11:52

Not surprised - at the nursury that DS attends they have stopped doing end of day diary's so I have very little idea about what he does all day, I have complained again and again about it as we talk about what he does during the day on the car drive home and at tea time the same way we discuss what DH and I have done during the day and having the diary helps me to prompt him - nursery tell me parents don't want to know and can't be bothered to wait for the diarys to be passed on - this is run by 2 health visitors.
so not just parents but some professionals might need reminding too, I think.

I'm like you speedymama talking to DS (who's 2.9yrs) constantly when we are together and always when he was tiny -now he chatters non stop - I don't think his speak is unusual but so many other people comment on it it must be.

I feel that sometimes people don't see children as intelligent so they don't talk to them and ask their opinions and point of view on things and when you do they look at me as though I am are stupid, then they are shocked when he does reply.

Sorry for rant gets me quite cross .

kipper22 · 04/04/2006 12:22

i agree it's a problem. so why aren't rear facing buggies more readily available?!

4blue1pink · 04/04/2006 12:49

I spent the earth on a second hand bugaboo - my only specification was off road ish and rear facing and we went to shop after shop but with little success. People thought we were odd but i had learned from experience (!) and knew it was too easy ignore a nipper facing forward!

Tommy · 04/04/2006 13:22

I remember seeing a couple of women with their toddlers in buggies at the traffic lights and the little girl was trying to get her Mum's attention to show her something (probably something very exciting like an ant if she was anything like my DSs!) and the mum completely ignored her and carried on talking to her friend. I can remember feeling really sorry for the little girl. I know I'm not the best parent but I know that I've always tried to have good conversations with my DSs - even when they were tiny - talking to them about what we were doing that day, where we're going etc (anything really!)

kipper22 · 04/04/2006 13:28

remember my grandad (a very wise man!) getting very cross with the mum of a friend when i was young for ignoring her child - he thought a child should always be answered as what they've got to say is the most important thing in the world to them. obviously, my grandad was one of my favourite people! :)

Feistybird · 04/04/2006 13:41

My 2 DDs talk constantly - to eachother, over eachother, against eachother, at eachother. Our day with them is dominated by their endless conversations.

The only time they shut the eff up is when they are eating or sleeping.

wannaBe1974 · 04/04/2006 16:53

I definitely think it is a sign of modern parenting, and more so of parents who work than stay at home with their children. No not criticising, but generally parents who work full time simply don’t have the time to talk to their kids as much as those who don’t. If you drop your kids off at nursery in the morning and don’t pick them up till you come home, then you don’t know how much communication they really get during the hours while you are out. I also find it sad that we seem to be looking for children to achieve the lowest possible scenario. I.e. children entering reception are expected to be able to:

Count to 10
Be able to say the alphabet
And recognize colours.

My DS can count to somewhere way beyond 20, he knows all his colours, he knows the alphabet and can recognize most of the letters both capital and small, he can recognize hthe numbers 1 to 9, to the extent that if a buss drives past he’ll say that “look mummy that buss has a number 1 and a number 4”, and he’s only 3.4. So, do I assume that my DS is very advanced? Or is it that we don’t give our kids enough credit for what they are capable of.

4blue1pink · 04/04/2006 17:12

i definitely believe that people seem to think that its wrong to encourage kids.....
I maybe feel that its ok to push them physically - softplay- dance- tumbletots babyswimming etc but to teach your child to read write or to be advanced verbally is somehow seen as being pushy.

MadamePlatypus · 05/04/2006 13:44

I hate these reports. I always feel as if they are saying "Madame Platypus, we have got your number, by putting your DS in a forward facing buggy and allowing him to watch that extra episode of Postman Pat on Thursday, you have detrimentally affected his chances of getting into a good university and having a fulfillng life". Atleast my son's nursery haven't totally escaped any blame. By putting that security code on the door us parents feel completely excluded. (Obviously we know the code, but its the thought that counts). I hope they have read this article and acted accordingly - I am sure there will be a welcome committee and cakes when I pick DS up this afternoon.

Custardio · 05/04/2006 13:45

I don't think you can talk too much to children. I chatted away to mine for hours when they were little, I just love chatting to them and I still do! They are darlings! Nowadays we talk about such things as politics, going to the opera and so forth, we have such lively debates in our house and I think it's all down to the amount of time I spent chatting to them as children!

FairyMum · 05/04/2006 13:54

wannaBe1974, what a stupid generalisation. My parents worked fulltime when I was a child and i socialised in my nursery and grew up in a family were the conversation was lively over the dinner table and we are all chatterboxes. I could read when I was 4. What do you think my children do in nursery all day? Sit and stare at the walls? Some parents chat to their children and spend time with them on their terms and others don't. It has nothing to do with weather you work or not.

JanH · 05/04/2006 14:02

If you have a large child in a rear-facing buggy you end up with bruised shins

FrayedKnot · 05/04/2006 14:14

Wannabe1974, DS is just 2 and has recently started nursery.

This happened to co-incide with his becoming a lot more verbal (stringing 2-3 words together etc). Since he started nursery I feel his language has come on immensely - whether this would have happened anyway, I'll never know.

However I put it down to the fact that at nursery he needs to communicate more verbally with his carers, & the other children, to get his needs met, than he does at home, which has spurred on his language at this stage.

colditz · 05/04/2006 14:22

My ds didn't talk 'on time' because I didn't talk to him.

He also didn't talk on time because I talked for him.

He also didn't talk on time because I was meeting his needs anyway, and he had no reason to talk.

He also didn't talk on time because I didn't send him to nursery.

And he didn't talk on time because he is lazy.

Which is true? Who knows? They all might be a crock of sh!t, I do know I got sick of hearing it.

fennel · 05/04/2006 14:26

perhaps we should carry them in slings til school age, front slings of course, then we can not only talk endlessly but feel each other's hearts beating too.

i probably talked least to dd2, being the busiest when she was born. she is the most chatty articulate child around. the other two, who got more 1-1 maternal attention, are far less chatty.

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