Oh god, as if I didn't feel already like worst mother ever for shouting at my children far too often...

[emkana]

... here's an article to

\link{http://www.guardian.co.uk/family/story/0,,1743305,00.html\rub it in}

How crap did that make me feel? Ds2 is 4, and not even at school yet, and I shout all the time.

emkana, I give you special dispensation to shout - you are pregnant and have major stress.

AAAARRGGGH

I am going to have a large glass of wine and forget I ever read that...

Stop it. You have been dealing with all kinds of extreme stress for months now. You are allowed to be only human, you know.

FWIW I saw the article and thought it was a cringe-worthy, soppy, drippy pile of poo. Like her son is going to be impressed...

I never read that...

It's no excuse though, I did shout already before all this pregnancy-stress started.

And it did touch a nerve to read this thing about the look her ds gives her, wanting to be forgiven, and how you hold the power and all that...

Ohh :( That was an eye opener :(

On second thoughts though I've just realized that dd2 just gives me a cheeky smile when I shout...

ffs i really shout at dd every day she is 2 and driving me mad! had a weepy day last week and felt like the worst mother on the planet insisted on telling dr i was depressed then spoke to friends with 2 year olds and finds everyone one of them shouts at their kids we all start the day saying im not going to shout today and it usually lasts about an hour! actually today was good got to mid afternoon! dont worry about it we were all shouted at as kids and its done us no harm!

nulnulcat - I do worry though that I might do harm by shouting.

I'm with edam on this one ... bleurgghhhhhh

I also feel bad for shouting, especially when it is because I'm stressed or ahetever, and the kids haven't actually been particularly bad. It is normal though :)

I don't remember my mum ever shouting at me, but she assures me she did

After reading this last night I tried to do a whole day today without shouting . Idid it I am so proud of myself ,lets see if I can do the same tomorrow .

Every Night I say lets try not to shout tomorrow and I haven't managed it yet

I thought it was quite sweet and touching, if slightly hysterical at the end. ("For how long will he go on forgiving me? - if I carry on doing it he'll end up hating me - I must go on an NSPCC-sponsored workshop to learn how never to shout or say anything negative to my children ever").

I think if we shout at our kids all the time and never apologise and are abusive and unkind to them and undermine their self-confidence and ensure they don't build up self-esteem, then shouting at them will damage them.

If otoh most of the time we try hard to be good parents and let them know how loved and treasured they are, they will of course forgive us our tantrums all their lives, as we forgive theirs. If they don't, we'll have done something a lot more wrong than shouting at them.

I think I've done something far worse than shouting at my children. I think I have gradually over the years emotionally withdrawn from them. It is as if i no longer bother to shout at them (but I'm not sure if I ever did). I think that what I've done is far more likely to cause long term damage.

sounds more idyllic that the life I've given ds1, IMO - summers splashing in the park, mornings licking top of lattes - my poor boy was raced around from the age of 1 to nursery etc so he's always had the mad morning rush..Sometimes I think his last 2 yrs have been generally awful for him at times as we've had so much on our plate, and, as per the article it's so easy (but so wrong) to think, oh well, get it right tomorrw. the clock is certainly ticking and this thought brings tears to my eyes!

did bring a tear to my eye, I am definitely bite my tongue next time I'm about to shout. Managed it yesterday when dd2 got a video stuck, took one look at her face, and just gave her a cuddle, and explained she'd put it in the wrong way, and we would sort it out. her hug back was really worth it

I feel really bad now, I always expect my eldest who is not yet 4 to 'grow up and act his age' just because he has 2 younger siblings.

Cry? I fell apart.

I'm a big baby.

I wish I could have scoffed mockingly at that article but am sniffling, too. As if that woman feels guilty, though. I only wish I could be half as tolerant as she seems to be. Sometimes I feel as though my dd is the adult and me the child - she makes such efforts to make it up to me after an argument, whereas I sulk! Then again, I do believe that much of our parental guilt is down to the tyranny of popular psychology in our society which tells us that each time we slip from saintly maternal benevolence our children store up seeds of depression, addiction, anger and the whole gamut of social ills.

that letter is

BOAK-worthy

lol nulnulcat everyday I start with... 'I'm not going to shout' and by the end I'm banshee woman (I have the hair to prove it!!) I do feel guilty but I agree my mother shouted and I'm a well adjusted individual (twitch twitch!!)

I'd write winsome crap like that - and worse - for £100 though

(Oh, ok, did cause me a millisecond of guilt, but am covering it up with bluff now)

That is me, nearly every morning before school, I have 2 boys, 4y and10y, Mondays are the worest!!! Sometimes my oldest forgets his h/w, or book, PE kit......... And I have to run up to the 3rd floor to get it- I am not that young!!!. I ask them every morning, Please please remember your things, but no, someone always forgets!!
There is always too much to do in the mornings. I DO feei very bad afterwards. Sometimes one would be crying all the way to school, I know thats bad, But I just get anger with them so easily, they should know by now?

I have decided to save my voice and just use an airhorn everytime my kids argue or answer back. Very effective they just look a bit stunned for a couple of minutes .