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Original poster

He's still in with us, its ok though, right....?

32 replies

SarahJinx · 09/11/2012 21:52

I think I'm totally fine with this, but other people are making me worry.

DS is 17 months and sleeps in a cot in our room. I love him being there, he wasn't a great sleeper but now is pretty good (despite the odd backbreaking, early waking phase/teething etc) so we're happy with the way things are. He's a pleasure to wake up to.

Recently - over the past couple of months - I'm getting a lot of comments that we're fucking him up, we'll never get him into his own room, making a 'rod for our own backs', surely you're planning to sort that out soon? etc etc blah blah.

So, is it alright? Are we 'damaging' him in any way, or making life harder? If I thought for a second this was a bad thing I wouldn't do it. He's our pfb, so we're happily making mistakes as we go along, would just like to know what you think.

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BloooCowWonders · 09/11/2012 21:54

You're doing just fine! Everyone is getting a food nights sleep - job done :)

scarlettsmummy2 · 09/11/2012 21:59

My daughter was in with us until she was 2.5- moved out when I was pregnant. She's absolutely fine! Don't worry!

Original poster
SarahJinx · 09/11/2012 21:59

Ha, thanks!

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Original poster
SarahJinx · 09/11/2012 22:05

Oof sorry, x posts. Thanks Scarlett was the move out easy enough, any tips?

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OxfordBags · 09/11/2012 22:06

Oh, people always come out with that sort of crap. It's all because they feel like your choice is somehow implying theirs was bad, so they need to defend it by making it sound like the 'correct' way (not saying that their way isn't good, just that difference makes far too many people defensive).

Any time someone implies you'll be doing something for ever or that something loving you are doing will fuck them up, they are being illogical and daft, so feel free to just ignore them.

People in the past used to sleep with their parents in the same room or bed for years and yet they managed to not still be sleeping next to their parents aged 30! Of course he'll be into his own room one day and loving it - but that day should only be when he and you are happy about it. Not when others want to poke their noses into your parenting and try to make youdo things their way...

poocatcherchampion · 09/11/2012 22:06

I'm jealous! We moved dd out just now at 8 months. I wish we hadn't tbh!

valiumredhead · 09/11/2012 22:09

Ignore ignore ignore! If everyone is happy just ignore! :)

BrokenBananaTantrum · 09/11/2012 22:09

DD was on with us on and off until she was 5yo. Has been in her own room for a year and a half with no problems.

Do not listen to others.

Do what is right for you.

We had loads of comments from PILs but ignored them.

In my humble opinion it is more importany for everyone to get sleep and where they get it is irrelevant.

Original poster
SarahJinx · 09/11/2012 22:13

Thanks thanks for reassurance. I have no intention of changing anything, any time soon but this parenting lark is hard, I like a rule book really.....

Seriously, I'm pretty sure I've had a bit of pnd and its made me possibly not trust my judgement as much as I would have previously, so all v much appreciated.

OP posts:
Themobstersknife · 09/11/2012 22:14

A pleasure to wake up to?
Not a feeling ever to be sniffed at! Its all good - enjoy!

Original poster
SarahJinx · 09/11/2012 22:15

And also, the general assumption from the commentators is that having in with us is a hardship, it isn't, its lovely to hear his chirping first thing.

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RubyrooUK · 09/11/2012 22:15

DS who is now 2 sleeps in his own single bed (mainly with a parent beside him, to be honest as he's shite at actually sleeping).

We are staying away from home at the moment in a big king bed with the three of us in it. DH and I are loving it. It's lovely to have this time when DS just loves us and snuggles up to us both all night. It feels like such a precious time. Blush

Very cheesy, I know. We need to stop being so soppy.

I imagine at some point sharing a room with your parents becomes embarrassing and undesirable. So I'll worry then.

unexpectediteminbaggingarea · 09/11/2012 22:17

trust your own judgement! Of course you're not fucking him up. Enjoy it. I always kept mine in with us for aaaaaaaaages. It's good for children to have the security of their parents right nearby.

PoppadomPreach · 09/11/2012 22:17

Not for me personally but absolutely up to you. And given not so long ago whole families shared a room then I really not think it's a big deal. All they need is love (and fed, washed, played-with etc etc)

Don't worry!

MaureenMLove · 09/11/2012 22:20

You know what? DD slept in our room for quite a while, can't remember exactly how long and I used to get those who were Hmm about it.

Then, whenever DH was away, she always used to get into bed with me, right up until she was about 11.

One day, DH was away for the weekend and I got myself ready for bed and asked her if she was in with me and she said, 'er no. You're ok!' SadGrin

They are a long time grown up and not wanting to be with you, so enjoy it whilst you can.

The only person who knows what's good for your lo, is you. Smile

scarlettsmummy2 · 09/11/2012 22:24

Well Scarlett wasn't bothered at all- but that's probably because I still rock her to sleep! I am very lazy and she falls asleep on two minutes! I still check her twice a night..... Really need to chill! But she is a happy, confident child and sleeps through from 7pm to 7.30 without bother.Blush

Original poster
SarahJinx · 09/11/2012 22:26

Right, I'll never mention it again, and will point the C**t eyes at anyone who dares to comment.

In with us until he's 15.....unless he decides otherwise!

Thank you!

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scarlettsmummy2 · 09/11/2012 22:28

Also don't mention it to the health visitor- they twitter on for hours about how to move them! Angry

Egusta · 09/11/2012 22:29

Oh God, ignore them. Our DS (PFB!) was in a cot in our room until nearly 20 months, and tbh i only moved him out because of pressure from 'friends' saying it was wierd. (he is 28 months now). I liked him there because we had some anxious times in the early days and i needed to be able to wake in the night and to hear him breathe so I could settle myself back down.

We moved him out into a new cot and new bed, no issues at all. No tears, no waking up, no nothing. Never had an issue of any sort. Now I am happy to have my own space back again, but we probably moved him out slightly earlier than I was happy with.

People always judge about something ffs. What OxfordBags says.

UnnamedFemaleProtagonist · 09/11/2012 22:30

Omg, mine are still 'in with me' but by that I mean in my bed. They are 6 and 3. My 10 year old is in her own bed.

Original poster
SarahJinx · 09/11/2012 22:33

So on the whole moving thing - when I do decide to do it, what do you do, just ease them in with naps etc, and talk of 'big boy bed'? Or just do the normal thing, just in a different room?

Luckily, bedtime has always been seamless, another reason not to rock the boat,

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QTPie · 09/11/2012 22:37

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Egusta · 09/11/2012 22:38

I think we did a one afternoon nap in his new room then the very same night in the new room. So it was pretty sudden. But, DS is pretty relaxed generally about stuff. When i made his cot up the first time he was in the room with me and i was wittering about 'look, your bed!!! your toys!!!' all that sort of stuff. If your DS is a little anxious you could try naps only I guess. DS is a fairly chilled out at home (but anxious outside the house and a bolter) but he was totally fine. We did have a nightlight though right from the get go, which we do not have in our room. We did all the usual routine of bath, cuddles, story, music box. But actually, i was more stressed than he was.

But I also really miss his chirping in the morning... and the little snuffles they do when they are about to start stirring. sigh.

Original poster
SarahJinx · 09/11/2012 22:41

My personal favourite chirp is 'Mumum? Dada? Blackbird?'

He's not anxious at all, I don't think, but super determined and already doing terrible tantrumming - pulling at hair, such is his rage.....

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Egusta · 09/11/2012 22:46

well, then even more reason why not to worry! Move him when you are ready!

I really hate it when people undermine you and make you doubt yourself. I dumped my HV as soon as i could because of that.... all the box ticking!