Help with evening melt-downs

[Gavenna]

Hi all, new to mumsnet - decided to join today having generally run out of ideas!

Our boy is 6 weeks old and healthy and normal. We muddled through the first weeks and probably instilled a number of bad habits, including a dependency on us to sleep (on our chest), plus dummies, teddy bears that play sound - basically we tried everything to encourage him to sleep. He was probably a bit collicy, used to wake every 3-4 hours over night for feeds, not really sleeping and quite fussy throughout the day.

He gradually became more and more unhappy and difficult to settle, which was affecting our sanity as well as his.

We're now using Infacol and Colief and these seem to have settled some discomfort post feeds (we also tried gripe water but that seemed to make things worse).

A week ago we committed to the Sensational Baby Sleep Plan and removed the dummies, put him in his own room, and established a routine. The results were almost immediately positive - he now sleeps properly and is happy during the day, and goes 7/8 hours overnight.

It has not all been plain sailing however. Every evening we feed and bathe him, then put him down about 7.30 to 8pm. The wailing starts immediately and quickly becomes full blown melt down - for the next 2-3 hours. At 10pm we tend to do his last feed and after that he will moan briefly and then sleeps through to breakfast time.

Obviously it could be a lot worse, but the 3 hours of screaming every night is pretty horrendous - he makes himself hoarse and gets in a right state. We try to comfort him in line with Allison's guidance but anything less than picking him up and cuddling him for a few minutes has little effect - and I'm worried that picking him up just re-enforces his dependency on us for comfort.

He never really pukes significantly. I don't think it's silent reflux as he has no problems during day feeds or at 10pm, and we don't do anything different feeding wise. Nonetheless we have tilted his basket up a little but it hasn't helped. He's bottle fed so we know he's not hungry. He's fine as soon as we pick him up so I don't think there's anything physically wrong.

What are we doing wrong?!

Gavenna

[forevergreek]

SIDS is reduced by baby hearing parents breathing/ moving around etc and therefore keeping baby from dropping into such a dangerously deep sleep. A video monitor will not help with any of this. Please just keep baby in your room until at least 6 months, or in lounge whilst your away, it's not really difficult surely? In fact easier as they are right there

[StarlightMcKenzie]

The baby should not be in a room alone day or night. Research on monitors say they do nothing to reduce SIDS and can even increase the risk due to giving parents confidence to be longer separated from their babies.

[Sparklesandglitter]

I understand that putting your DC upstairs to sleep us an emotive topic. I personally feel comfortable as I can see my DD breath on the monitor and I watch it constantly plus she is only upstairs for an hour or 2. I also go to check her regularly.
As parents I feel we must read the guidance then make informed decisions that are best for individual circumstances. I don't think anybody can say that they never leave their child alone until they are 6 months. Do you never have a shower whilst they nap or leave them on a playmat whilst you put on washing/Steralise bottles/make dinner?
I'm not saying that it is what everybody should do but I feel that I have weighed up the benefits/risks for my family. I only mentioned it because if the op is going to leave their child anyway a video monitor is safer than nothing.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

'Do you never have a shower whilst they nap or leave them on a playmat whilst you put on washing/Steralise bottles/make dinner?'

Generally no, but if I were to pop upstairs to the loo is is likely that the baby is awake and almost certainly with some kind of noise going on around them that prevents them from entering into the dangerous deep sleep.

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

That OP has got to be a wind up.

[Sparklesandglitter]

So DD has been napping for the last hour and a half. Would you honestly not leave the room the entire time she is asleep?! I'm being serious as I have never not left her. If I need to sterilise bottles I would rather do it whilst she sleeps then I am ready for her bottle than have 20 minutes of tears whilst I sterilise and prepare bottles once she wakes.
She sleeps in my room at night and naps downstairs during the day but I'm not attached to her 24/7 surely that is unrealistic? I follow all other SIDS prevention methods (including baby in own bed which a lot of people don't follow) so I don't see the problem in leaving her asleep whilst I shower. I do wonder how all the babies, myself included, survived being put in their own room early on, being left to nap outside in fresh air, etc

[StarlightMcKenzie]

I'm not saying it is easy. But there is a difference between popping out every now and then and systematic regular consecutive hours of leaving them alone.

But in any case, whilst you are making bottles, there is probably noise of you walking around the kitchen, running the microwave etc. however much you tiptoe, that can prevent the deep sleep.

[forevergreek]

Leaving baby asleep in lounge whilst you potter around is v different from putting baby in a separate room for the night and closing the door.

In the day whilst you do whatever in the kitchen/ go to the loo, there is going to be general noise around ( banging kitchen utensils whilst washing up/ loading dishwasher/ washing machine might be on/ extractor fan/ toilet flushing/ you talking on phone or to people/ general moving around) which all keep baby asleep but not too deep. At night everything is much quieter and you wouldn't be wandering in and out, you will prob be on the sofa watching a film or asleep.