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Parenting

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Original poster

Will only the best do for your child...

27 replies

emkana · 01/04/2006 19:04

... or are you prepared to take some shortcuts?

A friend of mine is expecting her first. We were talking about a few things, like the recommendation that babies should sleep in parents' bedroom, or what I've heard about travel systems (ie not a great idea because constant use of car seat terrible for baby's back).

Friend was slightly bemused by my extensive knowledge about all these things and said that she felt that you could overdo it, that millions of children had grown up fine without all this and that you could worry too much.

I must confess that I feel a bit consumed sometimes by this desire to do the best for my children - don't get me wrong, I certainly get many many many things wrong, and also sometimes I just can't be a*sed, but I do try and find out in practically everything what the "best" option would be - only to then sometimes feel guilty in not choosing that option/not living up to my own expectations.

All in all you could probably call me slightly paranoid and neurotic.
Maybe my friend will change when the baby is actually there...

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Tinker · 01/04/2006 19:09

Yes and no. No re equipment/latest gadgets/fads etc - keep safety in mind but will take what's offered, am not a snob about 2nd-hand stuff etc, actually like being thrifty! But do try to give decent food but not at teh expense of only giving organic, for instance. Am still breastfeeding my 10-month old and did teh exclusive thing until 6 months but that is due to having more information 2nd time round and more maternity leave. But don't categorise this "only teh best" - just seems common sense if I can manage it.

Littlefish · 01/04/2006 19:21

I try and keep telling myself that "good enough is good enough". Not all the time, but at times. However, I am a sad case, and dd was so very much wanted, and so very long in the making that I know I go completely over the top at times with wanting to be a wonderful mother for her. It's exhausting, and not particularly healthy, as I keep disappointing myself.

swedishmum · 01/04/2006 19:32

My Quinny travel system had a carry cot. Better than car seat for long trips, but travel system invaluable for sleeping baby on school run. Depends how you use it. We all do our best, but being relaxed about raising children is important too.

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MadamePlatypus · 01/04/2006 20:29

Yes, I generally do know all the latest info about breastfeeding, food etc., and if I am buying something expensive/safety related I do loads of research (e.g. check Which guide, read on-line reviews). I read very little before DS was born though - it just didn't seem to have anything to do with me. Now I could go on Mastermind.

Orinoco · 01/04/2006 20:56

You sound like me emkana I have to research everything!

I just want to do the best that I can for my kids, give them the best that I can afford and just give them the best possible start in life.

GeorginaA · 01/04/2006 21:09

I'm a researcher too. I have a friend who doesn't bother and just phones me up cos she knows I'll have done the research

It isn't just with kids though, I always have to research before I do anything, from buying a goldfish through to choosing a kitchen - god knows how I'd have coped in a pre-google era!

GeorginaA · 01/04/2006 21:10

I think for me it's a control thing. I feel all a bit lost and helpless otherwise, and it's a way of asserting some sort of power over a chaotic and dangerous world :)

JanH · 01/04/2006 21:11

GA, having done the research and decided - do you find you can't stop researching and then find something that you wish you'd bought instead?

(Happens to me all the time. Infuriating!)

GeorginaA · 01/04/2006 21:14

Sort of ... the search tends to evolve though - like the goldfish evolved into fish illnesses (fish hypochondria, got to love it), water testing kits and whether to go tropical...

Orinoco · 01/04/2006 21:17

I'm not alone

My name's Orinoco and I like researching things. There, said it.

GeorginaA · 01/04/2006 21:19

Orinoco - does this reassure you or make you very very scared?

koolkat · 01/04/2006 21:48

emkana - I suffer from over-research syndrome !

I was on the internet the minute I knew I was pregnant, looking up where to give birth, how to give birth, prams, cots, car seats, parenting books, in fact I don't think there is a single thing I have ever bought for DS that wasn't from some "best buy" guide !

The only thing that I didn't have to research because I knew it was the "best buy" already, was breastfeeding - it wasn't mentioned in any of the WHICH ? reports - still bf 21 month old toddler...

edam · 01/04/2006 22:04

I used to work for Which? and working there actually put me off research IRL, oddly enough. Always felt vaguely guilty about the fact that I worked for them but didn't care enough about personal finance to get a Best Buy mortgage/pension/life insurance policy etc - personal finance and non-essential consumer goods leave me completely cold.

moondog · 01/04/2006 22:05

You sound like me KK!
My dh is the same.
No such thing as spur of the moment chez Moondog!

SorenLorensen · 01/04/2006 22:09

I'm the same with researching stuff - and as I was working in a library when I was pregnant with ds1 I read every single book on pregnancy and parenting I could lay my hands on (and frightened myself half to death with all the things that could go wrong).

Dh is even worse - not about kid stuff - but he won't buy anything without consulting with his guru (Martin Lewis, moneysavingexpert) and reading every review going. It took him 3 years to commit to a new laptop...

moondog · 01/04/2006 22:11

lol
My dh is researching bikes for us at present.
Phones every night from Turkey ordering me to refer to model XZRET on such and such a website.
Even i am a little bored now....

SorenLorensen · 01/04/2006 22:12

Dh got about six emails a day when I was researching tents last year - still managed to pick the wrong one, damnit.

moondog · 01/04/2006 22:14

My dh has his heart set on a wireless speaker system throughout the house in the near future. I will consult my solicitor re drawing up divorce papers.

SorenLorensen · 01/04/2006 22:16

Your heart sinks, doesn't it, when they mention the next project?

moondog · 01/04/2006 22:17

Oh yes!!!

koolkat · 02/04/2006 07:54

moondog - DH wants wireless speaker system throughout flat PLUS cinema system instead of TV -he can dream on

AngelaD · 02/04/2006 14:00

I used worry myself sick and have bought every gimmicky baby product that's promised to be the safest for 6 years for the 3 babies i got. If I have #4 i will buy a sling, a car seat and open a draw for him/her to sleep in.

rarrie · 02/04/2006 20:35

I think I'm probably another anally retentive one!

I am one of life's great planners. I tend to think carefully about my choices, ask people, research carefully and make my decision. Once made though, it is final! I find it my way of coping in the world, not just with the TV and advertising, but with competitive mums, dodgy inlaws etc.. I can just smile sweetly and not worry about what they say to me, knowing I'm happy with my decision and that's all that counts!!

wessexgirl · 02/04/2006 20:49

Here's another member of Over-Researchers Anonymous. I do feel the need to have as much information as possible about every aspect of parenting, to the extent that I even took an OU course in Child Development while I was expecting dd1. I know it's impossible to do the best thing for your child/ren ALL the time, but I like to think I'm at least making informed decisions.

I was very anxious when I was younger and this constant research is a form of displacement activity for me...as Georgina says, it's a way of asserting a level of control in an uncontrollable world. What's the betting my dds grow up to be little stress kittens too?

aardwolf · 02/04/2006 21:36

I like to research things but I also find I seem much more laid back than other parents (in some respects, anyway).

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