I don't want to go to hospital!

[weegiemum]

I've a neurological disability which means I have to spend 2 days every 4 weeks in hospital on a drip of immunoglobulins. It gives me energy back, reduces my numbness and improves my balance.

I hate hospitals. I'm not phobic, but not far off. I'm afraid of the blood tests, I'm getting more and more nervous about getting the cannula in, I hate the smell, the heat, the boredom, the having to make conversation, the false cheeriness of the nurses, the patronising doctors, the food, the uncomfy beds and chairs, the fact it's all wipe-clean!

I don't want to be disabled, it's like some massive bad joke that it's me who has to go in every month.

I'm supposed to be goingthis morning. I've not slept, dh is away, and for the first time in a year I don't know if I can do it......

I went. I bore it, it was (just) ok and I didn't cry. Got to go back tomorrow though for more. But should be fine!

Treat yourself to a hot choc with cream or some other treat food when you are there.
Hugs and thoughts with you

Oh I'm sorry nobody saw this this morning.

It sounds awful for you. Good on you for getting on with it though.

Life can be an utter bastard at times can't it?

I feel your pain, I hate them too.
I was supposed to be in tonight, but my appointment got changed, so it's next Thursday night, and I'm dreading it.
Glad you got through it OK.
Which hospital is it?
I will only go to the Western or Gartnavel. I refuse Paisley, even in emergencies.

It's the SGH. Neurology there is world-class, I'm very lucky to have it within a few miles. Weird though cos my consultant was at medical school with my (GP) dh!

Everyone is lovely. I just irrationally HATE it. I need to get over myself!

But my condition is diagnosed 30-50 times in the whole uk each year. I was the first in 2012. It's just bloody well not fair. But I have to live with it, it's here to stay.

Thanks for being nice. I'm feeling shit, and dh working tonight so off to feed children!!

I've been in there once, was the only bed they could get me apart from horror hospital Paisley. I was the only non junkie/alchy on the admissions ward!
It's where I met Giraffes for the first time though so I can't hate it too much
The only place I've been where everyone has been lovely is Gartnavel, and that's where I'll be next Thursday, still terrified though. I always feel so vulnerable, and I hate being an ill person.

Gartnavel were always fantastic with MIL, couldn't fault them.

Me neither, though Giraffes had a horrid time there, it was a different ward.
I've only been on respiratory, and that's where I'm going next week.
My lungs are collapsing, and they need to do a bronchoscopy to clear all the crap out, to allow them to reinflate.
It can be done as an outpatient, but since I live in Helensburgh, it's a logistical nightmare to get home after sedation.

Ooh netto just figured out who you are on my Facebook! Are you needing visitors? I'm always up for a visit!

I hate hospitals with a passion. Dh does his best to understand but he's a doctor - he can't get it. If he pops into his local (cottage) hospital to see a patient or drop in bloods, I can smell it on him. I DETEST them!

But back tomorrow, cos the alternative is I can't walk, write, cook, etc. I need to go.

I thought you knew!
Giraffes is visiting, and bringing me earl grey tea, that's all I ask for, but more visitors are always welcome. It's so lonely and boring in there.

Before I got ill, I remember (jokingly) fantasising about having a minor injury, that incurred a few days in hospital, because you get a rest, everyone is nice to you and you get fed and have no cleaning to do.
Hahaha, the food is revolting, I've been bullied, had to step over wee and clean blood/poo off toilet seats myself, and sleep is not easy.

I'm very lucky I get to come home overnight.

But today I was in a room with 2 very needy people having tests and nurses were busy and I ended up pretending to be asleep cos it's not my job to reassure people I don't know.

I'm all wound up about tomorrow but it's only for approx 2 hours so I'll cope.

Hate my disability. Not fair I can't feel my hands, feet, legs, face, know where my hands are without looking. It sucks, and it's forever!

Needy patients near you are awful.
I pretend to be asleep too, then feel bad, but when I'm not well I'm in no place to help anyone else, it's all I can do to keep it together.

Mine's forever too, and will get worse, unless they find new treatments/a cure.

Just took the 5mg diazepam they gave me home last night, because I've now been 2 nights with no sleep.

It was horrible yesterday, I can still smell the place, and can't have a shower till I get home as my arm is all bandaged up to keep my venflon in.

One more day, then I can have 4 weeks off!

Good luck for today xx

Well I'm here and halfway through today's treatment. The other patient in with me today is someone I've met a few times now in here and she's very nice and about my age, so we've had a nice natter about dc etc. I'm a bit doped out on the diazepam but it's certainly calmed me down and my blood pressure is normal, not scarily high today.

I can leave in an hour and go home and sleep, because I've hardly slept for 2 nights and I'm wrecked!

Did it.

But still so wired I can't sleep.

4 weeks to go!