About to become a mummy of a 3yr old (through adoption) - what do I need to know!!

[Tishtash2teeth]

I was wondering if anyone can give me advice and tips on parenting a three year old. I am so excited at becoming a mummy and my little one moves in in a couple of weeks. I have read lots of parenting books, blogs etc, but wanted to hear from people who are actually doing it right now. Can anyone give me advice on what they wished they knew when their child was 3?

Congratulations! You have some exciting times ahead. I have a 3 year old, and a friend has just adopted a 3 year old, aswell as a friend who adopted at birth and 18 months, who are now 7 & 10. Lots of great advice on here. I would say enjoy but dont be afraid to say no or put boundaries in place early on. The friend who has the two older ones has lots of difficulties with their behaviour, I believe as a result of failing to set boundaries early on. Both are having counselling for detachment issues, which has taken a long time to develop and identify. Friend who has just adopted 3 year old, has learnt to do lots of running! My 3 year old is toilet trained, hers isn't. Be prepared for endless questions and explanations. It's going to be a shock having someone else share your life (but so worth it) but make sure you allow yourself time out and time to yourself so the adjustment is not so difficult. Overall, go with it, get out and explore and have fun.

Don't panic if there are times you really don't like your child. And don't imagine it's anything to do with them being adopted etc

I love my daughter more than anything in the world, but there are many, many times that I would quite cheerfully list her on eBay.

A lot will depend on the child's individual personality. I have a very strong willed and challenging 3.5 year old DD and I find it particularly hard when we spend a day with a friend who has a compliant child. If your daughter resembles mine (and I hope for your sake that she does not) then I recommend: 1,2,3 Magic and Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child.

I also found the Dr Sear's books very helpful if you subscribe to Attachment Parenting.

I had terrible rows with my 3 year old daughter. I found her behaviour soo frustrating. She demanded so much from me. I look back now and realise she was still a baby in many ways (as all three year olds are), and tbh I now treat her at 10 years with more consideration and understanding/patience than I did when she was three
I recommend How To Talk So Children Listen,
and also babying children who appear difficult, as it can resolve many attachment, attention seeking issues, although that might appear contradictory. Do not compare her behaviour to that of other three year olds or judge her by other parents's standards.

Don't be afraid to give love to your child as if they were a much younger child if YOUR child needs it ( A good example was that my child needed to go in a buggy for pyschological reasons - don't laugh...she felt safe and protected in there, and when the time came she felt ready to jump out, she never looked back...2. Example, sitting by her bedside for a long time while she went to sleep, co-sleeping till she slept, loads of laptime when watching telly etc, carrying her in street sometimes) Sometimes that is what is required to get them to stage of being more independent and secure.

P.S. My daughter is not adopted, but was a twin, so possibly had issues to do with that...

My daughter is absolutely lovely, and I think she always was, but three was possibly her worst stage!!!

Congratulations . Was going to suggest posting on the adoptions board but see its already been suggested.

claifairt that's a lovely post and congratulations to you too

Ps haven't really got anything to add but mine are now 8 and 5and it goes very, very quickly.