Have you lost your identity?

[IdentityLess]

Since I had my first child, DD, 18 months, I have no idea who I am anymore. Is this common? Admittedly, I ´ve given up work, moved house, am relatively socially isolated etc. but it seems more than that. Making the transition between being an independent woman and being a mother just seems like too big a step and I still don´t sit comfortably in my new role. Is this normal?

[FrayedKnot]

I agree with Foxinsocks about work defining a big chunk of your identity. I have just started a part time job and it's made a big difference.

I think one of the probelms I was having was envisaging my future. I was enjoying being at home full time (DS is 2) but something inside was niggling about what I would be doing in 2-3 years time when he starts school.

I also moved to a new area and found the social isolation, without the "anchor" of work, very hard.

[lou33]

I started claiming my identity back about 3 years ago, and dd1 will be 14 in a couple of weeks.

I like being me again but i'm not sure anyone else in the family agrees.

[monkeytrousers]

Donbean - in evolutionary theory they call that 'ring species' - where imperceptible changes occur in a species over geological time to a point where one species evolves into another. It's a good metaphor for imperceptible personality changes over the course of a lifetime, as you say.

[NannyMcPheeNoMore]

monkey you clever bird

[NannyMcPheeNoMore]

allie bongo btw

[monkeytrousers]

LOL!

[monkeytrousers]

I'm such an evolutionary nerd!! (That's my new identity BTW)

[mistressmiggins]

this may sound strange but do you do anything for YOU?

I felt exacltly like you & realised (once H had left me) that when I had children, combined with his job, I gave up lots of things for ME.

I have been involved in Amateur dramatics since I was 5, and yet once I had my son, I stopped.
Same with exercise - could no longer get to classes.

Now I am a single parent, I still cant go to gym etc or Am Drams without getting babysitters.

But I have discovered card making - may sound lame BUT its artistic (like drama) and stops me vegging in front of TV

I now feel I am "MistressMiggins the Mum" and when kids in bed "MistressMiggins the mad crafter"

its certainly a step towards claiming my identity back