kind gesture or were we just bloody stupid

[redwineattheweekend]

DH and i were at a pub for friends birthday meal with DD nearly 3, and DS 16 weeks. We know everyone there except one friends girlfriend. They've been together for 2 years and it was the first time we met her.

She was very friendly and sat next to DD. They got on v well and she was playing with her, I had just finished feeding DS and handed him to DH. DD was cuddling up to me while i was finishing dinner, she was tired and it wasn't a problem.

Friends gf offered to take her for a walk, I said no, she was fine, but she was like, oh lets go for a walk and let your mum finish her dinner, then coats were on, DH and i were both abit uncertain, but let her go. They went outside and i could see them through window.

Now I'm sure this was just a kind gesture on her part, but we are now freaking out, why did we let her go off with this woman who was basically a stranger, having not let her go with anyone before except for family and preschool. We think her bf realised we were uneasy and brought them back.

On phone, posted too soon, just wondered if people thought we were over reacting. We feel bad that we may have put our daughter at risk, there were times she was out of our sight... while they were walking through the pub for example.

Really?

I'd give my children to the local tramp if it meant I could have 5 mins peace.

Why are you freaking out? What do you think could have happened?

It wasn't a complete random, it was your frined's partner, I don't see a problem but then at a wedding once I let a woman I had never met before who turned out to be the new wife of an old friend of FIL's take dd for a walk to get her to sleep!

Probably nothing... we're freaking because we let her go off with someone we don't know. I think she was just being kindly and givibg us a break. She doesn't have kids herself but is eldest of 7. I thought it was a bit strange that she insisted after i had said no.

I think you're over reacting tbh. That said, if you don't feel comfortable with something then, particularly where DC are concerned, you shouldn't feel pressured to do it.

I would be asking myself what I was so uncomfortable about though. Was it her in particular or the fact that you don't 'know' her?

Everyone has their own comfort zone. You clearly went outside yours.

I would have been completely ok with this, but the important thing is that you are.

That is nothing to worry about !

At least you did not do what I did, when ds1 was three weeks old....

(left him with a perfect stranger who I had NEVER met before, while I nipped to the loo in a shopping center. It only occurred to me how silly that was while I was twiddling away in the cubicle)

i think we all do stuff like this and think afterwards what .........

we were waiting for school bus one day which was late - lady in car drove past and stopped to give my ds a lift - she had children in car she was dropping off at school and she was ever so friendly

it wasn't until after my pfb had disappeared down the road with her i thought .....what have i done

she did become a friend after that

More that this was the first time we met. her. It happened v quickly and i felt concerned about that. I liked her as a person. But also on mind is stats that most abuse happens via people you know...i know that's a leap but we don't see them often at all and i wouldn't want them baby sitting put it that way

I'm feeling a bit better and glad i posted and that others have done similar, it's the what if feeling we're dealing with.

If she is the oldest of 7 she probably knows that us mums don't get any peace to eat, and that's why she insisted.

I think I would feel as you do in the same situation - but perhaps out of a kind of guilt that I hadn't been assertive enough to stick to my guns, and that dd might have been at some kind of risk as a result. It feels horrible to be overriden by anyone let alone a virtual stranger, even if their motives are kind (but it's not kind to ignore someone's 'no'). At least this gave you a chance in pretty safe circumstance to find out what you are or aren't comfortable with, and you'll be more assertive next time you're not comfortable. Don't worry about it, everyone's fine and you can chalk it up as a learning experience.