Please help me settle an arguement with dh re toddlers not eating

[CADS]

Hi ladies,

Just wondering what your method is for dealing with toddlers who refuse to eat. DH (or not so D) and I are always at loggerheads with this. I believe that toddlers won't starve themselves and it is better to keep offering them healthy nutritional food than give them junk and sweet stuff. However, dh will rather give chips, chocolates, etc to get ds to eat than have him starve.

The reason this has come up is that ds is refusing to eat because he has an ear and throat infection, is cutting 2nd molars and has an upset tummy. I don't believe in forcing ds to eat or trying to get him to eat by giving him junk, biscuts, chocolate, etc.

I keep telling dh that ds will eat when he is ready and that he needs the nutrition from what I am giving him and not to be given chocolate which isn't going to provide anything other than set us up for farther feeding issues. As ds has suffers from reccurring ear and throat infections and is always on antibiotics, i think he needs even more vitamins than most children.

What's your honest opinion.
Thanks

i am with you and wouldnt force a child to eat if he was ill.

i dont eat when I am ill either.

Also, if the boys refuse to eat then they get nothing else. To give sweets and choc when they have refused meat and potatoes etc teaches them that they dont have to eat proper food and will be given sweets anyway!!

Just give lots of drinks when they are ill.

So, one to you!!

Agree with you generally that they will eat when they are hungry and no point letting them stuff themselves with rubbish just to get something down them. But can see the temptation and confess I have resorted to giving ds biscuits if he's refused carbohydrates at tea-time (bad mummy).

I'd cut your boy some slack when he's ill though, bless him, and I would tempt his appetite. Soup and easily digestible food good but the odd bit of chocolate when he's ill isn't a crime. Ear infections are really, really painful.

Oh, agree re not forcing an ill child to eat, although I do always offer easy-to-swallow and comforting food like soup.

Yes was thinking along the same lines as edam. Don't believe in giving in to kids regarding food but if he has a sore throat etc would offer easy to swallow food.

Its tricky when they are ill and tbh Ive been happy when DS has eaten anything, healthy or not, at times. Generally speaking though, you are right, but dont have a stand off when he is poorly.

I tend to give ds soft fruits, porridge, soothies, because i know he will eat them. There is no point trying to give him meat and veg because he won't eat them as easily. If he won't eat the fruit, etc when i offer it, i know he will eventually when he's ready so don't feel the need to offer him anything else.

Agree with Edam etc - don't force him to eat (fluids more important) but would be relatively relaxed about what he ate - not junk, but would be happy for him to have lots of yoghurt/fromage frais, and a not too awful biscuit (ginger snap/gingerbread man) etc.

I did know a child who was so underweight they were referred to an eating clinic. Their advise was to give the child anything they would eat to get some weight on. I think he was the example of the child who would starve himself. He was also stunting his growth.

He wasn't sick. His parents followed a strict diet and the child was presented with food most people would turn their nose up at. A typical day's diet for him consisted of a small bowl of porridge, 1 rice cake, 1 apple and juice. The Mother reluctantly followed the advise and the father argued against it but anyone could see he was malnourished. In short if your child is a normal weight I would not worry about it but if he is underweight then there may be an argument for chips (Home made with olive oil off course).

Parents at loggerheads over their eating is a good way to get them to play up!
It's really hard work chewing food when you have any sort of ENT infection, and not pleasurable because you can't smell it, and therfore can't taste much. I would definitely offere tempting easy to eat food - but not junk.

I reckon Edam's the daddy on this one

I reckon CADS is right. He will eat what he needs to eat, even if it's less than normal. He'll catch up when he's better if necessary.

My dp is a lot like CADS' dh - he always stresses about ds finishing what's on his plate, even though it's a fairly arbitary amount selected by me. I'd much rather he just chilled and let ds get on with it.

ids eat when they're hungry. also i would tell your dh that to avoid a lifetime of child food power struggles he should lay off giving them shit - becuase lets be honest here - if you offered a kid a nutritional meal and he didn't eat it - then becuase he wouldnt eat gave him a chocolate so he ate something if you were that kid - wouldnt you say balls to the nutritional meal and yay! to the chocolate?

Agree completely with you. Don't listen to dh, he's a man!

Custardo - that is my point too

Feistybird - like the name. Unfortunately, dh is too stubborn to even partly agree with me so that rules Edam out.

My honest opinion is entirely in accordance with yours, and your dh is well meaning but misguided

Thanks everyone. He's got the poimt loud and clear. Alot of it stems from my MILs attitude. Remember her commenting, when I first started weaning ds, that he could have white chocolate buttons. He was only 4mnths at the time.

you're right of course
my dd existed on yoghurt and banana while ill and while getting molars.
Had dd's gran trying to give her all sorts this w/e, dd has tonsilitis and is REALLY ill and gran would not believe that she could last a day on no food... I know how annoying it is.
Although I am bribing dd to take her GHASTLY tasting penicillin with the offer of green and blacks white chocolate :)

When ill, I let dd eat whatever she wants, as long as it doesn't drive her bonkers

So usually lives on chocolate milkshakes and chocolate buttons when poorly

Piffle - Your poor dd. DS gets tonsilitis and ear infections all the time. At the moment, he is getting ear infections every 2-3 weeks. Unfortunately, he is only 25mnths so his ENT won't do anything about it and keeps telling me he will grow out of it. Would love to know what he would do if it was his child.

Morningpaper - No doubt we will get there too, one day.

DS had lots of fruit, yoghurt, milk and even cottage pie today so he isn't starving to death.

I once worked with a woman whose son ate nothing but jam sandwiches for 3 years. He drank milk, but would touch no other food at all. He's in his 30s now, 6ft 2 and eats anything and everything. so perhaps we all worry a bit too much. that said, mine always get organic meat, veg and fruit, drink lots of water but also get to eat biscuits and choc quite often. i think being relaxed about it and offering lots of variety is the key.

Like Detta I believe in being relaxed and offering a variety. When mine are ill they can eat what they like. When they refuse chocolate, I know they are really ill and start worrying.

Oops, not saying that ds doesn't ever have any sweet/nice stuff. He does as a treat just not as a bribe to eat. I'm only talking about when he is ill, which is most of the time at the moment, and if i kept giving him things like biscuts and chocolates, he would never eat anything else ever again.

so waht you gonna do? i reckon you withhold sex

well?

I'm with you too Cads. Your dh is talking pants imo!

Agree completely with CADS. The world would be a very sad place without chocolate and biscuits but in terms of nutrition they they are just a sugar rush, and shouldn't be confused with proper food. A little bit of fruit, yoghurt, milk and cottage pie sound a perfect diet for an under the weather toddler.