Preparing child number 1 for the imminent arrival of child number 2 - TIPS PLEASE!!

[Mandymoo]

DD is 3.4 yrs and is a well-behaved (most of the time) little girl and we have had relatively little problem with her. In 6 weeks i am expecting number 2 (a boy) and was wondering how best to prepare dd for his arrival.

We've obviously spoken about it with her during the past few months and she knows that a baby is coming but i really want to make his arrival as easy on her as possible (i know it will be hard at first but here's hoping!)

Any tips or advice on how best to do this?

TIA X

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I got lots of books from the library about expecting a new baby and some of them dealt with emotions like jealousy and mummy's hands always being busy or mummy telling the child to keep quiet so not to wake baby but always always ending on how much the child is still loved.

we have 23 months between ours. baby bought toddler a present, and toddler got to hold baby.

My biggest piece of advice is to keep things as normal as poss for ur eldest. and to get them involved but only if they want to, no point forcing them!

Our eldest has a doll which he was stuck to for quite a while after my youngest was born, was quite useful as he would sit on the sofa and feed his baby while i fed ds2!!

My daughter (who was 2 1/2 when ds arrived) freaked me out completely when I was pregnant by launching her dolly downstairs with loud exclamations of "look what I'm doing to the baby, mummy!"

After getting over the shock, I began involving her much more in preparing for the baby - even down to letting her listen to my tummy with her toy stethoscope. My midwife was brilliant and really let her join in too.

We used to talk about all the clever things she could do which she could show the baby - dancing, singing, eating etc.

When baby finally arrived, dd climbed onto the bed, looked at this small pink, sleeping baby and said "Is this my baby mummy?" When I said yes, she kissed him on the head and said "aaahh". Naturally I had a quiet emotional blub!!!!

They are now 3 1/2 and nearly one and so enjoy each other. Wishing you luck and happiness with them both. Hope this ramble helps!

I have a simlar gap between my (also a girl then a boy). We involved dd in all the preparation (choosing how to decorate the nursery, buying clothes etc etc). We also got her to sort out her toys and put aside the "baby" ones for her new brother, stressing the imporatance of what a big girl she was and she didn't need baby things any more.

When baby arrived I made sure when dd was bought to the hospital dh was holding him, leaving me free to give her a cuddle. At home I got her to help with things for the baby, getting the nappy passing the shampoo at bath time etc. When I was feeding ds I had a specila box of treats for dd (a dvd, special books to read etc). Also make sure they have a drink/snack/been to the toilet before you settle down to feed, otherwise they nag you to death .

Hmmm... I didn't do very well on the explanations front. DS1 was 3.2 when DS2 was born. When I was pg (but not so visibly he'd noticed) he asked me why the high chair was out. I took my opportunity "Because there's going to be a baby here".

"So the baby's mummy's going to put him in the high chair"

"Actually I'm going to be the baby's mummy"

"That's nice. Can I be the baby's daddy?"

Really, I don't think there's very much you can say that will really prepare your daughter for the experience. I'd be (and I was) fairly realistic in my description of what babies are like. I would try not to disrupt your daughter's normal routine too much over the new arrival.

DS1 saw DS2 a few hours after he was born (home birth) and fell in love with his cute little toes. The same may happen for you - all the best!

thanks for all your replies!

DD is being very cute about the whole thing atm but i just know all hell is gonna break loose in 6 weeks when he's finally here!

We're doing the present thing, she's also helping sort out her "baby" toys for her little brother. She keeps saying she will clean his nappies and that i can rest - if only!!!

thanks once again! X

ask your friends to buy your DAUGHTER the presents NOT your baby. having a baby will seem like xmas

We had almost exactly the same gap as you - 3.5 yrs. The two best bits of advice I had were about breaking the news. When ds2 arrived, instead of telling him that the baby had come, dh said "Congratulations, you are a big brother." DS1 was terribly pleased to have become something special.

Secondly, when introducing them, I made sure that the baby was in the cot, and that when big brother came in, he got a huge hug all for himself, and then we went off across the room together to say hello to the baby. That way, having done without you whilst you were giving birth, the first thing they get to see is you smiling at them, not you cuddling someone else.

(We had friends bringing presents for ds1 - lots of them. It got him horribly overexcited and I had to ask people not to!! It has to be said that the wonderfully cuddly dog Nana and Grandad provided for him whilst I was away giving birth is still a real favourite in times of need.)

Best of luck. I have found a 3.5 year gap great, as the oldest is old enough to help out and to understand lots. They have their moments and ds1 is very fed up waiting for ds2 to be able to play football with him (oh yes, and we did warn ds1 in advance that ds2 wouldn't be much fun for a while! We found that Grannies have a habit of building up expectations of how much a little brother is going to be able to play with you!)

First, congratulations! With my second bundle of joy we did what everyone else did; ds brought dd(baby) a special toy, he came to hospital to see the scan, rubbed my tummy and sang and he even gave her one of her middle names. We (me and dh)brought him a cheap camera to take photos with - which he has used continously from the first moment he saw her. A piece of advice I was given which I'll gladly pass onto you is for the baby to buy his big sister a gift. My dd (with my help) 'brought' her big brother a Scooby Doo dressing grown which he loves and cherishes because it's a special gift!!! Now that's she's here, he's the best big brother in the world! Good Luck

Mandymoo, with the same age gap as you, same genders and same ish due date we have a lot in common here!
We have bought dd a baby annabell from the baby, it is what she wants more than anything in the world, and (because I'm staying in hospital after the section) she will have a baby to bring home from the hospital when she has to leave me and ds there to recover. It might be worth making ure your dd's present is a big one that she really wants. I've also gone to mothercare with her and she's chosen a present from her to the baby herself. We've spent hours watching videos of her as a baby and looking at photos and her baby book so she knows all about them and have visited lots of friends who have just had babies too.

She sounds from your thread like she is coping very well already though. It's a lovely age gap and I expect she'll be really helpful to you too.

thanks for your replies and suggestions - they have been really helpful X

Mandymoo, I only have one, but my own mother did a great number on me when I was 3 and she was having my little sister. She made it very clear that the unborn baby was My Little Sister/Brother before everything else - whenever she talked about 'it' it was always in terms of its relationship to me. Making me feel terribly important and protective towards the baby. Honestly, they had to peel my fingernails off the doorframe to get me out of the house when she went into labour (how on earth could they possibly have the baby arrive without ME?!).

Worked for my mother; I was a very proud big sister determined to do everything I could for the baby. Sibling rivalry didn't kick in for years....

I would ask people NOT to constantly ask "Is this your brother? What's his name? etc. but to ask questions about your daughter to remind her she still has a place unrelated to her relationship to the baby. My ds got sick to death of this and stopped answering!

I agree with everyone encourage your dd to love your ds and look forward to seeing her new brother.. it worked for my mother with me and for me with my dd1 I even brought her a t-shirt that says "I'm the Big Sister" she loved it!

Congrats and good luck x

OK - getting close now - any more tips??!!

When we brought baby home, we got home first and placed baby in the car seat in the lounge with a large bar of chocolate on her lap - then when dd came to the door (with Granny) I gave her a big cuddle before saying "Guess what's in the lounge?" - this kind of made the baby a special present for HER, which was the line I tried to take all along.

When I ask her now what she remembers about the day her sister was born, she says "She came with a big bar of chocolate!"

I didn't ask anyone not to give the baby first attention etc. - it seemed rather Mummyzilla. People would give the baby attention etc. but I would always focus my attention on DD when people met the baby, bringing her into the conversation etc. "Ooh tell Aunty Joan what the baby is called" etc.

and don't worry too much, if your little girl is as good as she sounds you probably won't have many problems. I think you have a nice age-gap - mine is 3 years and I can honestly say I have had no problems with dd's response at any point. She loves her sister to bits.

thanks morningpaper - it breaks my heart to think of dd feeling the least little bit left out or no longer special (yes, i am extremely hormonal atm!!!!) X

Mandymoo I've been amazed at how well mine adjusted. She just seemed to enjoy it right from the start (much more than me!). She does get upset at the screaming but that's all really. Baby is only 6 months still but they loves each other so much, it's glorious. When they make each other laugh it is brilliant. You are giving your daughter THE BEST present, so feel good about it. :)

Oh mandymoo, im hormonal too and this thread has made me cry. My dd will be 6 or there abouts when this baby is born in 7 months time. I can't stop looking at her and feeling sad Good luck!