What To Expect...not very good books

[hunkermunker]

Dipped into my copy of What To Expect In The First Year the other day (bought as a present before I had DS1).

I'd forgotten how much of it is just vile.

Apparently a seven-month-old is already "an expert mummy-manipulator".

If "the crying" of your trying to be sleep trained six-month-old gets too much, turn the baby monitor off.

And my current favourite - lots of references to "primitive societies" doing such terrible baby-spoiling things as wearing them in slings.

Shhhh - am about to flog my 3 copies of said genre on ebay .... dont go putting people off!

Completely agree
they are the devil's work
I despair at the flagrant manipulation of new parents
"My baby cries" - is said baby a freak?
"My baby doesn't cry" - is said baby a freak?
Really, written for desperate idiots
I was given mine then I put it in the bin

Oh I once used ot for advice on a temperature in a newish baby
Could have got that on the internet
So still not worth it

I love the bits at the beginning of each chapter though:

Your two month old should be able to:

squawk
feed
poo

Might be able to:

grab a rattle
smile at a ferret
swing their pants

May even be able to:

scale Everest unaided
pay attention to a small object, such as a raisin (wtf?!)

PMSL, HM
That "raisin" one carries on for months
I remember noting the day a raisin was paid attention to and thinking "Thank F**k for that"

I know!

And the day they do pay attention to a fricking raisin, they shove the bloody thing in their ear so far it needs a trip to casualty!

Worst of all, by far the worst though, and worse because they get a specific mention, is the "lovely illustrations" by one author's friend. Totally and utterly talentless and in fact has drawn children the village would shun.

Yes, could draw better pictures with a knitting needle I'd impaled my left nork with, whilst it was still in situ, I think.

The scary thing is that you meet people who say "Well, we followed What to Expect...and nothing went wrong."
I say, try not following What to Expect and see how little goes wrong. And then use the time you spent checking up/fretting/worrying that your baby doesn't look like the one in the illustration to have a drink/sex instead.

Wow! You two should write a book...

I'd be fretting my backside off if my baby looked anything like those illustrations, Pruni

Agre there's far better use of time, but do find the book strangely compelling reading - need to see what other lunacies they've come up with.

Oh, just remembered another one - something about how we in the western world like our babies to have some measure of independence from birth (not like those primitive baby-wearers, the saggy-norked freaks)

"a knitting needle I'd impaled my left nork with"

ouch...

I have to admit, that last one I only 'got' after having a toddler.
I had been pretty obsessed with independence.
Weird, isn't it?
Have totally changed my life recently precisely so he can be less independent.
(Am PMSL at hearing Hugh Grant mentioning Penelope Leach in "Nine Months" as I type.)

Ds paid lots of attention to raisins - the boy must be a genius.

I quite liked these at first and was conned into thinking they were unbiased and had no political agenda. The penny fnally dropped when I got past 6 months of breastfeeding and started reading chapter after chapter on "weaning from the breast" "more weaning" "sleep training" "Really, you honestly should have weaned by now" and "GET THAT BABY OFF YOUR NORKS RIGHT NOW MISSY, I'M WARNING YOU!"

I flicked through the toddler one in a despising manner and it had no mention of breastfeeding at all. Breastfeeding toddlers don't exist, apparently.

oh they are unspeakable - guaranteed to take the fun out of having children.
very anti bf
very pro independence - suggesting that mothers should be proud of wening their baby off the breast at 10 months because it is the first step to growing up, and that if your baby is still waking up too much in the night at three months, move him to another room....

Never seen the book, but from my point of view (pro-independence; I don't think you'd approve of me!) it sounds rather less guilt-inducing than Penelope Leach. My DH has a great idea about bringing-up-baby books. We tend to know fairly early on where we are in the tree hugger to routine follower spectrum - could the books be colour-coded accordingly to make it easier to buy the right one?

They are pro-circumcision.

That's what turned me against them.

(Oh, and the fact that their Pregnancy books seem to cover every eventually, but were in fact useless for all the weird stuff that happened to me. Ok, some of it was truly weird, but a breech baby isn't!)

Oh, and I am pro-independance, and (to some extent) pro-routine. But also pro-extended-bf. I think a spectrum is too simple for this sort of thing.

Yes, it needs a Venn diagram at least :)

Always think of Eddie Izzard when I hear of Venn diagrams...

Not to mention the utterly useless index....

Well, I read every bloody book there was when pg and none of em were right. Mothering is pretty instinctive and as for might be able to.....when DS didn't roll over when they said I tossed em in the bin. I don't even ask questions about development on here anymore. I think they will do it when they are ready and if they haven't caught up with the rest of Toddler group....tuff. I was most impressed when I caught DS age 2 rolling a fag from his dads tobacco & papers... theres forward for ya

As for books which tell you how it's gonna be. Nothing can describe motherhood and how it's gonna be unless you have done it.

BTW I was actually quite horrified that DS was doing this really but he made a v.good roll up.

ROFL at this thread, specially Pruni and HM.
The best book we had was Christina Hardyment's one on the history of childcare manuals, except that it kept giving DH odd ideas, like 'why don't we swaddle dd and then nail her to a board?'

lol hunker - I completely agree. I remember cringing when I read the crap about autonomy, blah, blah, blah.