"The other children won't play with me."

[Quadrangle]

My daughter has been saying this a bit recently. Just wondering how to help her. She is in Year 1.

When she was in Reception she was very happy, she had a really good year. She had a best friend who was a boy with autism and she seemed to get on well with many other children in the class too. There weren't any children she had any problems with. Then at the end of reception they mixed the classes round and I noticed that all of the children she got on particularly well with except the best friend boy had been put in the other class.

I hoped that all would be fine and she would make new friends, but it doesn't seem to be going well and she is starting to say that the other children won't play with her. She sometimes plays with a girl in the year above (who also has autism) but she said she doesn't see her and her previous best friend on the playground so much now.

I asked her if she had ever sat on the buddy bench and she said she did but "No one came." (I cried my eyes out at that later when she was in bed.) I think part of the problem is that most of the friendships from last year were kept together when they mixed the classes and so they've just carried on as they were with no wish to make new friends. Also in her previous class i think that there were a lot of children who were her "cup of tea" but they all went into the other class so i think it is hard for her to fit in with the others this year.

I thought I would make an appointment with her teachers to discuss it, but not sure I will be able to say the bit about the buddy bench without bursting into tears! The teachers have been very happy with her. No behaviour problems and she regularly gets certificates for being "kind and helpful." Perhaps there is something about her that doesn't appeal to other children in her class. How do I help her?

I think you are right jojane about what the children say not necessarily being the whole story. Have sent an email requesting a meeting and giving the background that i have mentioned above. When they get back to me i will probably ask that we don't mention the buddy bench in the meeting as it just sets me off! I think i will be fine to discuss it sensibly as long as the BB isn't mentioned! Glad things seem to be going better with your daughter.

I just drove to the school to drop some Bags2School off and parked by the playground and on my way in she was walking round the playground with a girl in her class and on the way back she was walking round between two girls. So it's obviously not a problem all the time!

That's good Quad. I see what you mean about the mixing up of the classes.

Ah that's nice! At this age they say "nobody plays with me." when they may have been at a loss for 5 minutes!

The school office didn't pass on my email to the class teachers, so i ended up printing it out and sticking it in my daughter's message book! The teacher just phoned me and said that a few of the children in the class are having the same problem since the class split and are not as happy. She said it is strange how they split the classes as some nice friendships were split up and some of the groups that were kept together are not very positive. She said my dd isn't bossy or domineering so that isn't the problem. She said she agrees she seems sad. She has put her next to a girl who my dd said is bossy. The teacher seemed slightly at a loss to be honest. I think she has had a few parents voicing their concerns, but she said we need to keep discussing it. I'll arrange a few playdates with various children and see how it goes.

If it doesnt work out better even after raising my concerns and arranging playdates and the teachers keeping an eye, I will maybe ask for a transfer to the other class.