Desperate !!!

[MrsB1]

DD2 (9) and I are constantly butting heads. she never seems to do anything I ask her to without some ort of attitude or back chat. School mornings and bedtimes, I dread them, they have somehow become a warzone. She's a lovely little girl, for everyone else but talks to me like something on her shoe, rolls her eyes, really bad attitude.
I have been having counselling for depression and anger issues and do struggle to stay calm.
This evening there was a stupid mix up over pudding with our tea and she was just so horrible to me that I exploded. shouted cried threw things, said some really terrible things that I am ashamed of and ended up with DH getting her put to bed whilst I sobbed in our room and stupidly sat there and scratched my own arms to pieces.
I am completely desperate.Sometimes I feel like I just want to give up on it all but I know I cant. But I do know wthat I cant carry on like this-none of us can.
I really do not know where to turn to for help

Mrs I have one of those asleep upstairs. She is rude, arsey, backchats, is sarcastic, cheeky and unemphathetic. But I know (not saying this is you though) that some of that she gets from me. Sometimes I try to remember that she is my child and I have to teach her how to be nice rather than just cross all the time. I try really really hard to ignore all the shit and just be calm. I get ssooooooooo cross with her sometimes, and yes I have said horrible things and been over the top as well.
I try to think about her lvely points (there are many when I think about it) and think about when I have been proud of her and I feel better and I do a bett job when responding to her.

Try to take a very deep breath, and try to start tomorrow with a different attitude, (again not saying it is you) but from my experience I try to model nice behaviour when I am not too angry... I am learning more about how I treat her as we go. It is not easy but I love her!!!!

I also have one of these monsters! I also find it soo hard to control my anger and after my outburst I feel so bad afterwards. But you are right my dd (which is so hard for me to say) gets it from me. When she's talking to her brother it sounds just like me. I so need to change my habits but it is so hard.

Talk to her. Behind every naughty child is a child crying for help. What does she achieve when she behaves like this? Your attention.