If toddler refuses lunch what do you do?

[LadyCatherinedeBourgh]

At the moment I find myself bribing my 22 month old DD at every mealtime to eat each mouthful, by reading books and even watching cbeebies in high chair .

DD has always been a fussy eater, so I have done research online and most people say to calmly take food away if they refuse it. She has a few meals that she will eat; scrambled eggs, pesto pasta, cottage and fish pie etc but I want to get her to eat what we do for ease really. Any tips?

I have just taken her beef casserole and mash lunch away and she's now asking for apples and snacks!! Should I wait now until supper at 5pm or give her a snack mid afternoon? This is her current routine, any suggestions on tweaking it gratefully received;

7am bottle milk
7.45 cereal, yoghurt and few bites of (my) toast
11am small sandwich sometimes with v milky tea
1130/12-130/2pm nap
2pm main meal, hot lunch and pudding
3.30pm cup of v milky tea and snack
530pm lighter supper eg eggy bread and pudding
7pm bottle milk then bed

Do you think an earlier/later nap and earlier lunch would be better? Thanks

morning Rilla

DD, now almost 3 has never really wanted much lunch and still doesn't. Strangely my mam said I was the same! I just try to make sure she has something, even if its a stick of cheese or a banana. She keeps going, is healthy and full of beans. Then eats a hearty dinner.

Tea??? Why on EARTH would you give tea to any pre-schooler, let alone one under two??

My ds1 went through a phase of not wanting lunch at a similar age OP.
He'd have a huge breakfast though, 2 weetabix and a yogurt and would also have a decent dinner so I wasn't worried. At one stage lunch was a rusk he loved them, and some fruit (banana/grapes/apple/orange)
I wouldn't make a huge deal of it. I wouldn't bribe them to eat, reward them for eating or punish for not eating. If you turn foods into a big deal now, it will become a big dea\l iyswim.
Good luck, this will pass.

I'd cut the bottles (and the tea). 20mo Dd has a beaker of milk w breakfast and gets the rest of her milk through milk on cereal, cheese and yoghurts.

She also has lunch then nap (makes her sleep for longer ). One of lunch or dinner will be a hot meal, the other will be sandwich/yog/fruit.

She has a morning and an afternoon snack (goodies crisps or banana or raisins) and water in her beaker all day (fresh, not the same one!).

Some days she eats massive, other days not so much. I try not to show it stresses me and just take the food away. She gets nothing until the next snack time, unless she's refusing dinner when she gets either toast or weetabix as an alternative.

She looks at books while I get her food ready, but they go away while she's got the food in front of her.

This is my 20 mo DD's routine (timings are approx):

7 am small BF
8.30 am breakfast- usually cereal/porridge, toast and/or fruit
11.30 am lunch- typically ham, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, bread/breadsticks, fruit, sometimes soup. Eats quite a small amount.
12.30- 2pm nap
3.30 pm snack- something like toasted teacake, or mini cheese biscuits, or dried fruit. Sometimes small BF.
5.30 pm dinner- something like fish pie, risotto, pasta etc with at least two vegetables. Pudding usually yoghurt. Eats quite a lot.
8 pm BF.

I would suggest either moving her main lunchtime meal to about 11.15/11.30 (before she sleeps) and dropping the mid-morning snack to make sure she's hungry. If this doesn't work you could try giving her main meal at teatime.

I agree that using distractions such as books or TV is probably not a good idea. If it's been several hours since she last ate she should hopefully be hungry enough to focus on the food!

Just looking again at your routine I think it might also be a good idea to cut back on the milk/tea- two bottles of milk and two cups of milky tea seems quite a lot and might be filling her up too much. Could you drop the morning bottle and/or replace the tea with drinks of water or diluted juice?

Loving the hysteria about the tea!

I agree though that you need to drop the sandwich and swap what you give for lunch and dinner. Or if you prefer the bigger lunch approach then time it better after her nap. I wouldn't worry too much though, it seems like she's getting plenty over the course of the day regardless.

I give my son tea now and again, from cup and saucer if my mum comes around. Probably has two or three cups a week. Its mainly milk at that age (2).
I regard it as a part of learning good table manners, it's not all about the caffeine. He eats biscuits from a side plate and even stirs it properly and it makes him feel grown up.

But overall too much food. I male food available with the epectation that hie sits and eats with us but take it away if he doesnt. Key is to take away distractions, eat together a d chat instead (my son eats far more when in company) and dont get annoyed if he eats nothing.

DD is 20 months and has:

7am - small beaker of milk. Sometimes she has one sip, sometimes drinks it all.

8:30am - breakfast at nursery (toast or cereal)

10am - small snack (breadstick, but of apple)

11:30am - Lunch (spag bol, shepherds pie etc then dessert)

12:30 - 2 - nap

3:30 - Afternoon tea (half a sandwich, beans on toast, bagel, fruit)

6:00 - Supper (sandwich, beans, boiled egg)

7:30 - small beaker of milk, as above.

That's on a week day, if she's at home we just have three meals a day as we eat lunch at more like 1pm and she naps a bit later. She would have a banana or something after her nap.

Sounds like your DD is having lots of milk and that the meals need switching round a bit.

A toddler is perfectly capable of learning good table manners and how to use a cup and saucer without having to have tea. If my two want something warm when DH and I are having a cup of tea they have a bit of a fruit tea - apple and cinnamon or something.

If dd doesn't want to eat I leave it, and let her have something later if she wants. Not worth fighting over IMO. I don't give her junk as snacks though, and most of the time she eats a bit of what I offer her.

I'd have thought she doesn't want her lunch because she has the sandwich at 11am. I'd drop the bottles as well.

Mine is the same age, and has

cereal and/ or toast at breakfast time with drink or milk in cup.
11am a biscuit or fruit
drink in cup freely available all day
12ish sandwich/ crackers/ cheese/ eggs/ ham/ veg/ fruit whatever I can find to give her
1.30pm sleep.
3.30pm little snack like raisins or cheese
5pm hot dinner.

I don't bother about whether she eats her lunch or not, she will usually eat 3 lots of breakfast stolen from everyone else in the family and usually does well with her dinner.

I'd give her a snack after she wakes up and let her eat more later.

If a child refuses a meal, what do you do?

you let them.

Never ever ever get into food battles! If they don't want to eat, then you take it away without comment. Save it and offer it later.

I'd add a couple more snacks of fruit or veg as well. And probably get rid of one if not both cups of tea. And add a glass of water.

I really won't get my knickers in a twist over public opinion on my son's three cups a week, most of which is milk....sugar and and acidic drinks are far more detrimental in my view. Too much hysteria about tea.

I think that's probably too much food and too much milk (why so much milk at her age?).

I don't get hysterical over tea, DS has a very occasional half a cup of very weak tea but it's like 1 a fortnight. Unless you are using decaf it's probably too much caffeine.

Would you eat as many meals and snacks as you are giving her a day? Maybe try one day drinking and eating the same amount as you give her (but in adult portions) and see if you feel it is too much, if you do she definitely will.

You wait until they are school age & won't eat breakfast (sigh).
I think I would start by letting her choose her meals (within reason).

Thanks all that is really useful. Think I'll switch routine about and just remove what she leaves, as you say.The tea is literally 1/2 an inch of my cup diluted right to the top with milk, but after all these comments might rethink it!

That sounds like quite a lot of food.

I'm relaxed about tea personally, I don't give DS it but mum said I had a bottle of tea every day :)

However that is also a lot of milk tht is very filling.

I think too much milk - from 12 months they only need 12oz a day, and that includes cheese/yoghurt/milk in cereal. She is probably full from the milk.

If my 26 month old refuses a meal, that's fine - he just waits til the next snack/meal. If he doesn't want his dinner he can still have plain yoghurt or fruit. His routine goes:
8am - breakfast - toast or cereal, fruit, milk (always eats well)
11.45am - lunch - sandwiches/pasta/soup, fruit or yoghurt (normally eats ok)
12.30-2.30pm - nap
3.30pm - snack - fruit, crackers, cheese, milk, breadsticks
7pm - dinner - same hot meal we have (often eats very little and refuses all veg!) followed by yoghurt/fruit

He has a total of maybe 7oz of milk to drink, often less, plus cheese and yoghurt.

I agree with no tea too.
My ds is far from fussy but over the months we have played about with what works best regarding when to give his main meal of the day - still not set in stone but we've made it relatively easy for ourselves by making sure there is always something substantial to give him either in the fridge or freezer so we're not faffing about too much preparing special meals for him at any any one time. Ds nap times vary too so his main meal of the day will depend on that - I don't try and offer him a big lunch if he is clearly tired for example, I'd just make a small sandwich plus fruit & Greek yoghurt. I always offer a snack mid morning and mid afternoon, either fruit or a plain biscuit/bread sticks etc.
I think the best advice I can give is to eat with your child at every opportunity - no distractions like tv/books just sit at the table, try and have the same thing on your plate (cheese sandwich & a banana for example) and just eat together - enthuse about how yummy your cheese sandwich is, share bits of each others maybe. Take the pressure off.
I'm not a big fan of take it away and let them be hungry but to be fair unless you are having massive issues or they are losing weight try not to worry too much.