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Parenting

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Original poster

Desperately seeking advice on 4yo dangerously running off...

39 replies

LilithMyth · 18/10/2012 19:11

Hi, I am at my wit's end and would dearly like some advice.
My just-4 DS keeps running off and into the road. W shave spent 2 years training him on crossing the road, looking right and left, using his listening ears etc.
We had about six weeks where I thought we'd sorted it, but now he's gone back to not listening when se say stop, and twice this week he has run off, narrowly missing the road/oncoming cars. This afternoon he slipped hi hand out of my new au pairs hand and pickup, and she was very upset and stressed.
When we tlk to him he is very sorry, although he sometimes wants to change the subject / not engage.
We have had a series of consequences (removal of favourite toys) star charts, less stories at bedtime (which I don't particularly like, but does make him realise we're serious), but I'd really appreciate any advice.
TIA

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cleanandclothed · 20/10/2012 15:11

Wrist strap. And while all the kicking and screaming goes on when you put it on, just keep repeating to him and you 'the most important thing is that you are safe'. Safety is more important than being happy, or even more important than hurting a little (which he may well moan about if he tugs the wrist strap). The most important thing is that you are safe. End of.

greenbananas · 20/10/2012 18:53

DS, aged 4, ran off for the first time the other day - he has always been good about this until now. Luckily I had the pushchair with me, so I strapped him in it, kicking and screaming, and took him straight home on the bus. He wailed all the way home, "I want to get out, let me out!..." and I got some truly awful looks from other passengers

I agree with all the other posters - safety comes first and a wrist strap sounds like the way forward. If he is a persistent runner, I would have it on him any time you are near a road for now. When you are in a safe, pedestrianised area, you can take it off and stick it in your handbag so that he can practise sensible walking and you can build a bit of trust together.

I wouldn't bother with the star charts, fewer bedtime stories etc. A wrist strap is more immediately related to the problem in question, and will probably get quicker results.

mudipig · 21/10/2012 23:48

I'd go with wrist strap or back pack (reins is really for younger dc).

Then build up. You need to show me I can trust you to stop at the kerb. Great stopping etc.

They soon get to a point where you can explain it to them. Mine was a bolter. We kept seeing the same dead pidgeon in the road. She said, he'll get up soon and go play with his friends. Over several days I told her, no he won't. That's what happens if you get hit by a car. Which is why we always stop at the kerb and wait for an adult to help us cross.

You sort of develop a voice in a different tone. We have to go down an unmade road to school. She is used to my "get in, there's a car coming" voice. It makes her jump (and several of the other parents) but she does it.

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Original poster

LilithMyth · 25/10/2012 16:00

Thanks all. This has been very helpful. What I did in the end was take him to John Lewis to buy the wrist strap in the baby department, and get the woman serving to tell him how it's only for babies.
He was very upset, and really didnt want it. We've tried it on, and shown him how it works.
I've told him that the first time he runs off, or does anything not safe on the road, he's wearing it, no argument. Seems to have worked so far, but it's there if we need it.
Really appreciate everyone's input...

OP posts:

RationalBrain · 25/10/2012 16:39

Excellent job. Sometimes the harsh way is the best way.

Kewcumber · 25/10/2012 16:42

that approach worked on DS - only had to threaten to put wrist strap on and use it twice (from memory) and he never ran into the road again.

Make sure you carry it with you and he sees you take it out with you.

Lavenderhoney · 27/10/2012 05:25

My dd was like this. No negotiating though-hold the buggy, my hand or in the buggy strapped in. She ran off at a mall and I caught her, and strapped her in the buggy. She went berserk and it took me 10 mins to strap her in, people were coming out of shops to look. She screamed for 20 mins, ignored her, dd shopping, home.

She has never done it again. Thankfully, my nerves couldnt stand it.

midseasonsale · 27/10/2012 20:27

put him in a buggy if he runs off? Or on a wrist strap.

RandomMess · 27/10/2012 20:53

From the age of just 2 to just 3 I pushed an empty pushchair to and from school and pre-school so dd knew that if she didn't do as she was told she was getting strapped straight back in (she has older siblings so knew the rules of stopping at the kerb/when Mum says stop etc etc).

Hopefully the threat of the wrist strap will help your ds remember the need to keep the road rules.

cleanandclothed · 29/10/2012 09:31

Have you looked at the traffic club? www.childrenstrafficclub.com/

Has quite good resources for getting the safety message across. In London all 3 and 4 year olds can get a series of free books/leaflets.

FSB · 31/10/2012 05:52

thank god i read this..! my dd (3yo) has recently started running off and running in the road, having never done it as a younger toddler (i think it's all part of general boundary-pushing, but scary and dangerous none-the-less). i always thought this was the one thing i'd reserve smacking for, but it still seems over the top, so a wrist strap would be a great idea... dd will hate the thought of being made to look like a baby and it may just do the trick... thanks :)

3bunnies · 31/10/2012 06:27

Well done. Dd1 was the only bolter (so far). She could slip the wrist strap we had, so reins it was. The last time she tried to cross a road unaided it was fortunately a v. quiet road, on the way to school, she was in reception. Out came the reins in front of everyone walking to school. Last time she did that! Dd2 was too scared of everything to run, and ds likes to be in pushchair or pulled on scooter. Still have the reins and wrist strap just in case! Make sure he knows when you go out that you have them, and no warnings, put them straight on if he even steps onto the road/ goes ahead when you have told him not to.

One other idea, on regular routes, e.g. Up to the village we used to have 'amelia's spot' 'henry's spot' etc, all the key stopping places, we would walk home with our friends, the 3/4yr olds were told they could 'scoot to amelia's spot'. If they went further then scooter taken away + reins if onto road. Helped gived them boundaried independence and learn where to stop.

3bunnies · 31/10/2012 06:31

Should say they were really obvious places, if you are 4, such as next to lamppost, where the pavement had been retarmaced differently, etc.

kiwichan00 · 31/10/2012 06:48

reins reins reins. not negotiable. i did explain to my ds aged 4 that if a car ran him over he would be dead and have to go in a box and never see mummy or daddy or little brother again etc, and we would cry every day...dh was horrified and angry that i used this image to illustrate a point to a 4 year old...but there was no fallout ie nightmares over it and if he is scarred for life he can have therapy when he's older, and still alive!

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