Should your children be your world??

[cheekymonk]

Following on from a previous thread I started I am genuinely interested to hear how others view parenthood. I was brought up along with my sis that we were the centre of everything, I knew we were my Mum's world. My Dad was at work most of the time and usually knackered when we saw him so I had that feeling less from him but I still loved our precious time together. my Nan doted on us too and did make us feel so important and loved.we had sweets every day and I remember my nan giving me half her dinner which i selfishly ate on top of my own!!! When i was older and when i look in photos I notice how unhappy my Mum looks and she admits she was often tired and stressed. Now, she lives alone and does exactly what she wants to do, on her terms and feels she has earned that.
Is that how it works??? Since having my own children my Mum has impressed upon me that I should love every minute of it (coz she she did although dad tells me different ha ha!) i should put kids first 100% of time and that I am here to serve them really until they leave home!!! of course i have fought against that but i do put them first and do forget about me sometimes. i thought that was what being a Mum was all about? How do you achieve a balance?? i am realising the importance of being an example and role model. i don't want ds to treat future girlfriends and wives as doormats or for my dd to think she has to be one...

Because I love my children so much I think it would be very very unfair for them to carry the burden of being my all in all, if I had nothing else in life but them. I think that would be very wrong for them as well as me.

My children's needs come before my needs but their wants certainly don't come before my needs.

I am a SAHM and I love that I am fortunate enough to have the time to spend with them but I also need time away from them. Tomorrow I'm going away overnight to visit a friend and none of the children will have a problem with that.

We try and instill in them that everyone in the family is important and they know that we are in charge and make the rules. I certainly don't serve them! They have their chores and they do them without complaining about it - we all live here so we all do our share of caring for the home. My eldest is 18 now, he loads the dishwasher every night, trims the hedge when it needs doing and babysits occasionally, he also does all his own laundry including his bedlinen and he'll cook occasionally if asked - in return for behaving like an adult he knows his girlfriend is welcome here anytime - she often stays all weekend and is now like one of the family. He also helps out with jobs I ask him to do on his day off from college. My 14yo sweeps the bathroom, landing, stairs, hallway and kitchen every night and takes out the recycling. The 5yo lays the table and helps match up socks.

DH works fulltime but his job is local so he's only out from 8am to 5.30 - he unloads the dishwasher in the mornings and feeds the cats twice a day (quite a big job as we have 6 cats, one of which is on a special diet)

As a SAHM I do the bulk of the laundry and general cleaning/shopping/cooking etc but I personally think doing everything for kids isn't doing them any favours in the long run. I am fairly confident that DS1 will manage perfectly well when he goes to uni next year unlike some of his friends at college who have never used a washing machine, boiled an egg or made themselves a cup of tea!

Wow- that turned into an essay!

I was brought up to believe that I was most certainly not the centre of my parents' world! Not that they were nasty or cruel or anything like that, it's more that it was a different generation I think, and they thought that children shouldn't be pampered. My mum actually said to me that maybe DD shouldn't do one of her activities because, "You don't want kids to think everything revolves around them."

My world doesn't revolve round my kids, but I try to get a bit more balance and let them do things of their choosing rather than mine, or contribute to family decisions.

I would hate to be a martyr. i love my dd but it is imperative to have me timetoo. it's good for her too. It takes a villiage to bring up a child imo.

I think your life should be worthy of imitation when you're a parent and I don't think being all about my kids teaches them much worth learning TBH

I love my 3 children more than anything, infact so much that sometimes I catch myself looking at them and suddenly I can't breathe but they are irritating, noisy, selfish and have terrible taste in music especially the 19 month old.

I love it when I have the odd morning to myself, my elder two are now at primary school and my Mum has the baby in the morning once a week. They all including the baby have jobs to do in the house - like putting away toys etc. They spend time with both sets of grandparents and with my husband without me being there. They understand that I love them more than anything but that they are not the centre of anyones world including mine. I grew up in quite a pressurised household - I felt that I was always responsible for my Mums happiness and that was not a great experience and one I swore I wouldn't repeat with my own children.

someone up thread said that kids have to know that when they need you you will drop everything and come running. I think that is important (I mean when they really need you, when something is wrong)

but that doesn't mean they are the centre of your world. I think that is quite unhealthy. I think they need to know that the whole family are people with needs and that we work together because we love each other.
Of course this is age appropriate. A baby needs to be at the centre because thye can't do it for themselves, and they need to know they are loved. But for older children they are learning that love involves both parties, and give and take and consideration of others and so on.

If they are the centre, what happens when they leave home?